PHONE CONVERSATION/YESTERDAY/9:32 AM

ME: "Hullo?"

MY CAR GUY: "I just found two cars ... a Hyundai Accent and a Dodge Neon. The Dodge Neon has ..."

ME: "NOT A DODGE NEON!!!"

MY CAR GUY: "What?"

ME: "NOT A DODGE NEON!!!"

MY CAR GUY: "Why?"

ME: "The people that read my diary said not to buy a Dodge Neon!!"

MY CAR GUY: "What?!?"

ME: (Exasperated) "The people that read my diary said not to buy a Dodge Neon!!"

MY CAR GUY: "You write a diary and you let people read it?"

ME: "Well ... yeah."

MY CAR GUY: "Are these people friends? Family??"

ME: "Ummmm ... mostly strangers from around the world."

MY CAR GUY: "And you let them read it?"

ME: "Well ... I don't let them. They choose to read it."

MY CAR GUY: "Can I ask why?"

ME: "I dunno, really. It started off as an experiment to see if an older man could cut it on a website that was geared toward teenage girls. And I've been doing it ever since."

MY CAR GUY: "How old are you?"

ME: "I'm 43. Same age as Tom Cruise."

MY CAR GUY: "And these people that told you not to buy a Dodge Neon ... are they mechanics by any chance?"

ME: "Not to my knowledge, no."

MY CAR GUY: "And so you're telling me that you are going to take the advice of total strangers with no background in mechanics over a guy whose JOB it is to pick out the best car for you?"

ME: "Ummmm ... Yeah I guess."

MY CAR GUY: "Fine. The Hyundai has ..."

We bought a car yesterday.

It's not a Dodge Neon.

I hope you're all happy.