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5:51 a.m. - 2005-09-22


I made up a joke last night in my sleep.

I'll be the first to admit ... it's not that good.

But I remember in my dream I said "If I remember this in the morning, I'm posting it on the website."

I remember it.

So here ya go ...

I see Kirstie Alley has lost 50 lbs. recently. I guess this means she's back to shitting in her front yard and barking at the mailman.

I didn't say it was a FUNNY joke.

Or that it made much sense.

You have to feel for these people in Texas and Louisiana who are about to lose their homes to yet another hurricane.

New Orleans just can't take much more rain. If they get a few inches of rain from this, the town floods again.

Y'see ... THAT'S what I was talking about a few weeks ago when I said some people aren't looking at the big picture here.

My man Mattie Gee came up with a wonderful solution to all of these hurricane problems.

He thinks we need to import humongous icebergs from the antarctic down to the Gulf Of Mexico and they would cool off the water, thus eliminating hurricanes.

Mattie Gee takes a lot of over-the-counter medicine when he doesn't need to.

The season premiere of "Lost" kicked major ass last night.

Here's a major scoop for ya which I was trying to hold off on telling you, but the fact should be painfully obvious by now.

Ready for it?

Okay ... here goes ...

I am not now, nor have I ever, worked for a tuxedo rental shop.

There you go.

Alright, I got crap to do this morning and really just checked in to tell you my Kirstie Alley joke.

Feel free to use it around the watercooler today and gauge people's reactions to it.

I'd be curious to see if the joke kills or not.

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