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6:04 a.m. - 2005-11-02


A co-worker and I developed a new game yesterday that I truly feel will be sweeping the country in a matter of weeks.

I haven't really came up with a name for it yet, so for now we'll call it "Who Do You Think Has Explosive Diarrhea in the Office?"

The game evolved from a random visit to the Men's Room at work and discovering ... that ... somebody ... had ... explosive diarrhea ... all ... over ... the ... toilet.

While I could have nipped the game in the bud right there by cleaning the toilet ... hello??? I don't get PAID to clean someone else's watery feces off of toilets.

I walked back to my desk, somewhat disturbed by what I had just witnessed.

Clarence, my co-worker, could tell something was wrong.

"You saw it??" he asked.

"Ummmm ... yeah," I answered in a daze.

"Whose do you think it is?" he asked.

...Thus ... the game began.

We ran down the list of male employees in the building and each was given his various reasons for possibly having shit soup boiling in his bowels.

There's Larry who is recovering from recent surgery that may or may not affect his bowel movements.

Kenny, who eats a steady diet of broccoli and cheese every day for lunch.

Marcus, who usually announces loudly "I've gotta take a dump!" and enters the room for ten minutes at a time ... but had been notoriously quiet all day.

Or Tim who admitted early in the day that his stomach was upset after a wild Halloween party the night before.

Each had valid reasons to be in possession of the Ass From Hell(TM).

And after several minutes of intense debating on our co-workers, we came to an agreement that the culprit of the "Shit And Run" was ...

(Are you trembling with anticipation yet?)

Of course ... it helped that Marcus came in our office a few minutes into the debate and announced "Jesus! I just took the weirdest shit a while ago!"

Here's your Purple Heart and a $5 gift certificate to Outback Steakhouse, Marcus.

You are the King of The Watery Shits.

Today is Andrew's 5th birthday.

I bought him this yesterday.

Plus a few other things.

I guess I won't be seeing him for a while.

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