DUMBASS INC.

It's a documentary about ... well ... me playing nine gigs in nine days.

I mentioned to a gal at work that I was doing nine gigs in nine days and she said "That sounds like a documentary!"

And I thought "EUREKA!"

...Because I often think "EUREKA!" when I hear somebody else come up with a good idea.

So I'm shooting it and I want to put at least some of it up on You Tube because I freakin' love me some You Tube, but I don't have the first clue as to how to do it.

I've tried to mentally urge the video to magically upload itself onto You Tube to no avail.

I'll figure it out here eventually and will let you know when I do.

So anyway, the project started last Friday night with the Homecoming Dance I talked about yesterday with the Queen wanting to show me her boobies.

Then I had a wedding on Saturday which went really well.

Then I had Sunday, Monday and Tuesday off.

So how in the world am I doing nine gigs in nine days you ask?

Doubling up, baby.

Today I have a corporate gig that's taking place at 11 a.m.

It's a sweet gig because it pays good money and I'm set up in a parking lot while the employees of the corporation come out for hamburgers and hot dogs.

I'm basically background music for them to listen to while they wait in line for hamburgers, and then they take their food back inside to eat because it's too damned cold to eat outside.

It ain't the most glamorous job, but it pays $150 an hour for three hours.

So if the average song is 3:30, that means I get paid $8.75 a song.

Or something like that.

I'm horrible with computer calculators.

Plus I have to give away prizes every 30 minutes which is okay because nobody will be there to claim them because they're all inside gathered around their hamburgers and space heaters.

Meanwhile, I'm pocketing Applebee's gift certificates like they're dirty Kleenex!!!

"Bill Brown?? You here?? No??? Cool ... I just got another meal at Applebee's!"

Suck on THAT you corporate drones!

And the boss at my day job is soooo freakin' cool about this.

Basically, I'm going to work from 8-10 a.m. today and then I'm gone the rest of the day and she's all "Sure! Go! Have Fun!"

Maybe she hates me ... I dunno.

I helped her draft an email to a guy she met in a bar Friday night who gave her a business card and said "Email me sometime ... I'd like to take you to dinner."

The guy's got some serious money. We looked up the business he owns on the internet and he has clients worth several million dollars.

So she doesn't hate me.

She may be using me for my email writing talents though.

Which is cool.

'Cause I get $450 for standing in a parking lot for three hours and then have the rest of the day off.

Use me all you want, boss!

That puppy RAWKS!!

I wasn't a big fan of the band, but I kept reading reviews that this disc was inspired by Pink Floyd's "The Wall", Queen's "A Night At The Opera" and The Beatles' "Sgt. Pepper".

Two albums I love and one (Sgt. Pepper) that I think is okay.

I can hear the influences and I'm just diggin' the disc.

Yeah.

I'm hip alright!

Can't think of much else to tell ya.

Oh!

I made my hypnotist CD to help people cure their insomnia.

That was fun!

As I keep talking about feathers falling out of the sky and slowly coming towards you and birds gliding effortlessly in the sky ... I start talking slower ... and slower ... and slowwwwwwwer ... and quieter and quieter.

I about fell asleep doing it.

For the person who signed my comments board thing yesterday trying to give me pointers on how to record these CDs ... thanks.

I would have never figured it out without your valuable assistance.

And the reason I'm recording them now BEFORE I've ever done an official show is so that I can sell them IMMEDIATELY following that first show.

I didn't just pick up a book on how to do this stuff ... I went and was trained by one of the top hypnotists in the country who taught me both the "show" and the "business" of show business.

And the business deal is ... you can make hundreds of dollars after each show if you have the product to sell.

I have the product to sell now.

I'm not making hundreds of copies ... just 10 copies of each of the 7 titles I'll be selling.

"Stop Smoking" and "Lose Weight" are the two biggest sellers.

Anyway, thanks so much for your input.

It means a lot coming from an amateur.