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7:58 a.m. - 2007-01-20


Latest news on Pervy:

My sister in law (insert your own damned dashes between those words)called the guy in charge of their Bible Study to get Pervy enrolled in the class because they thump their bibles so hard in that family there's two-inch deep indentions in the covers.

The guy in charge of their Bible Study is an attorney.

And he wanted to know what was up ... isn't Pervy down in Florida working for the Mouse and Company?

Sis-in-law explained what had happened, how he had been fired for having steak knives and how it wasn't really explained in the "Can Bring/Can't Bring" list that he couldn't bring eating utensils.

The attorney is very interested in this because apparently there are no ambulances screaming outside his office at this point.

The attorney wants to speak with Pervy.

So if this is all a big ruse to cover up the fact that he was really fired for:

A) Masturbating with his roommate's hairbrush jammed up his ass.

B) Surfing for midget clown porn on a company computer.

C) Hitting on fellow employees with the line "Ever seen a guy with one ball?"

...then it's all going to come out soon.

And I doubt very seriously I will ever find out the real truth behind what happened in O-Town.

Still ... I'll try to use my journalistic integrity to find out what really transpired there.

It should be a doozy.

Suze and I celebrated our birthday in the usual style.

No cards, no gifts ... a nice dinner out while Andrew stayed with Grandma and then a shopping spree at Kohl's which is about as fun as an emergency C-section.

That's what birthdays are like when you're old.

And make no bones about it, Doc ... I'm OLD.

I've got a birthday party to DJ tonight.

Four people ... all turning 30.

I'm actually looking forward to it because they've made it quite clear ... THEY WANT TO PARTY.

After a month of weddings and stuffy office Christmas parties where everyone was too scared to cut loose in front of the boss ... I need this kinda party.

I had a good party Monday night ... a bunch of beauty pageant contestants from across the state.

And they danced en masse.

But they were teenagers, we were in a church hall and their parents were there.

Tonight's party is a drunk fest.

It should be fun.

Just as long as nobody vomits on me, I'm cool.

Speaking of drunk fests, I actually had a beer last night with dinner.

I always feel like if we're having dinner out without Andrew, I need one beer in my system.

I honestly couldn't remember the last beer I'd had up until then.

Regardless, it was weird.

A weird beer.

A weird beer here.

A weird beer here with a deer.

A weird beer here with a deer and a steer.

Alright ... I'm obviously done here.

Here with a weird beer.

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