BRIDEZILLA'S PSYCHO MOM

Hey ... not much time this morning.

You know ... it seems like I update this thing and then the next thing I know, two weeks go by without an update and I think "Wait a sec ... I just updated that thing."

Sooo ... sorry.

Did the first bridal fair of the year yesterday. For those of you who are male or socially retarded, a bridal fair is where engaged brides go and get a chance to meet with florists,caterers, DJs, etc.

I'm a DJ.

It was really nice to meet a bunch of gals yesterday. It was a small turnout but we had a dusting of snow the day before ... didn't really cover the ground, but that was enough to send most people into panic mode and the weathermen were telling everyone to stay inside unless ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.

Wasn't a damned thing on the road yesterday. But people were still scared.

ANYWAYYYYY ... my point.

I started giving my spiel to one lady, a mother of a bride.

"And I do an agenda so that everything runs smoothly and ..."

"YOU don't know my daughter!"

"That's right, Ma'am. I don't. But we do this agenda and everyone follows the agenda."

"Oh boy! You REALLY don't know my daughter!"

(Smiling weakly) "It sounds like your daughter might be a Bridezilla"

"You know that show? They've called my daughter and want to put her on it. If we hire you, you'll be on TV!"

"Ummmm ... yeah. So anyway, we do an agenda and then we also do ..."

(whispering)"People from Oprah's show have called and they want her to come on her show as well."

"Thank you for your time, Crazy Lady! Enjoy your day!"

I swear, at that point I turned away from this psycho and started chatting with another mother.

Have you ever been sitting at your computer and thinking "If Uncle Bob ever started a radio station with his favorite music, I'd definitely listen to it."

Well, think no more, young Jedi.

Welcome to Uncle Bob's Psychotic Street Fair and enjoy.

We're running around trying to get our house clean for Susie's sister who's staying with Andrew for the week and gathering everything we need for this cruise.

I've never packed for a seven day vacation where you're not going to be able to wash any clothes (well, you can but I'm not paying $3.50 a t-shirt) so we're packing these suitcases pretty tight.

We're really looking forward to it and I'm going to try my best to vomit on deck when we embark so people know "Hey ... don't mess with Vomit Boy. He'll gak all over you if you try and talk to him."

Then I'll plug in my iPod and everyone will leave me alone for a week.

We've got a whole day in Orlando when we come back and I have no idea what we're going to do other than avoid anything Disney.

So for all of you who won't be going on a cruise next week, enjoy land, suckers!