LONG DAY, LONGER LIFE

I have to be on the road by 4:15 a.m. to drive two hours south and set up for a 7 a.m. "party".

It's not really a party. I don't expect too many people doing the Cha Cha Slide at 7 a.m.

It's a 5K run. Lots of healthy people stretching in their spandex shorts and outfits while I play music with a gut the size of a small African village for them to warm up to.

Then they take off and go running for 5 K's which is about two blocks in American speak.

Then they come back and I play "Chariots of Fire" as they all run back into the parking lot.

Then some pompous windbag grabs my microphone and talks about what a great race it was and says the name of the people that we all just saw cross the finish line.

Then I pack up and drive to the next party which isn't until 6:30 tonight, but I'm going to set up early since it's about an hour from my home.

Y'see ... I wanna set up then go home and rest for 20 minutes or so before I have to turn around, drive an hour and go back and jam out at a school dance from 6:30-11:30 tonight.

The sucky part is that for such a long day, I'm only getting paid slightly more than I would have for a four hour wedding reception that could have been held a block or two from my house.

My bread and butter is weddings. Weddings are the only functions where people walk into them KNOWING they're going to have to pay extraordinary amounts in order to have a successful party.

These little 5K runs in Bumfuck, Alabama don't pay nearly as much but I don't do nearly as much work either.

Except for the getting up in the middle of the night crap and the driving all day stuff.

And I learned a long time ago that schools are cheap and don't want to pay professional rates for a DJ. Why should they?? They've got hundreds of DJ wannabes in their school with iPods and Radio Shack speakers. They can pay a student $10 to DJ for the night.

You're paying me decent money because I'm old and jaded and pissy. That's why I make more than a teenager with an iPod.

But being old, jaded and pissy, you figure you're getting a professional.

And technically, you are.

Just an old, jaded, pissy professional.

Anyway, I've gotta get in the shower, load up and hit the road for a two hour drive in the dark.

I'll reach my destination before the sun comes up.

The things a guy will do to keep his house from being foreclosed.