Uncle Bob hates to repeat himself, so he's only going to say this one more time. If you are easily offended ... hell ... even if it takes a LOT to offend you, I may sometimes cross that line here. I edit myself every damned day of my life. Here's the one place that I refuse to do it. Enter at your own risk, and have a good time while you're here. If you need a drink or anything, I'll be in the corner twisting my nipples and leering drunkenly at you)

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BAYBEEEEEE

Hey babe.

So today marks ONE MONTH that I've been a part of Diaryland.

I always hate "one month" anniversaries. Because even though they mark a small milestone, I always feel so stupid celebrating them. It's kinda like the joy you get with a particularly impressive bowel movement. You really wanna share it with everyone, but deep down, you know that nobody really cares.

For instance ... I feel like I'm old school at Diaryland after a month. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I'm still a newbie here. One month is no big deal to these people that have been here six months ... or however hell long this place has been around.

Although...I just counted ... I've done 53 entries in 30 days. So I'm at least being a prolific member of the Diaryland community.

There are just so many entertaining people here at Diaryland. As much as I would like to list them all here, that's damned near impossible due to time restraints today.

But, if they've reviewed me on my People Page I can GUARANTEE you those are the cream of the crop. I've been meaning to getting around and answering each review like I did a few weeks ago. And I will. Eventually.

But my heart goes out to all y'all that have been kind enough to read about me and my adventures. From soiling my sheets with semen to ....well...damn...that's the only entry that sticks out in my mind right now .... anyway...YOU PEOPLE have been there for me. Holding my hand gingerly as I traipsed quietly into Diaryland. Thank you all for the kind words and even the unkind words. Feedback is cool to me, positive or negative. You don't like me? My life GOES ON. I don't lay in bed and sob into my pillow for half the night, I GO INTERVIEW MISS FUCKIN' AMERICA!!!

Well...not Miss FUCKIN' America. I feel that would be a porn star of some sort. I meant Miss America. Who I've only interviewed once...but you get the picture ... I don't let negative comments get me down because life is too sweet to dwindle on the suck-asses.

I can only promise you that I will keep doing the same thing that I've been doing with my diary for the last month. And that is ... make a mockery out of the entire Diary concept.

Actually, I was trying to explain Diaryland to someone in real life the other day. And they asked if I put a daily diary up there, and I said "no." They asked what did I post then?

And I was stumped.

What I would LIKE to do is make this my memoirs. Because, unlike a bunch of you...and I'm not trying to rub this in...but I'm a HAPPY BOY. I've survived teenage angst, wanting to runaway, rocky times in marriages, sexual role playing (I fuckin' LOVED that Milkman outfit ... it was soooo "me"...)and every other horror every one of you under the age of 35 is going through.

Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt. Used it as a snotrag and rubbed it in my mom's face, only to apologize for it 20 years later.

As for the message board, I'm not gonna be making my smart-assed comments on each entry anymore unless I simply can't resist. Jesus...how annoying was that getting to be??

It dawned on me that people were probably afraid of writing in it for fear that I would attack them like a goddamned ostrich on steroids.

You know I realize I take the Lord's name in vain a lot. I'm a non-practicing Catholic but I attend a Christian church. I believe in God. But I also believe that He's cool with us taking His name in vain every now and then. I think that's one of the Commandments He probably goes easy on. You're not going to hell for letting a "Jesus" fly every now and then. Truth be told, He probably likes the free plug.

Kinda like when you say Banky sucks. It's a terrible thing to say about Banky, since he doesn't really suck, but Banky just got a couple of more hits that he might not have gotten, so that's pretty cool, isn't it?

So that's how I think God feels about "Ohmigod". I think He's flattered and even though He may act upset that we said it, secretly He's giggling.

Alright, my allotted time to write this has expired. It's time to go write another award-losing hilarious weekly humor column.

As you can see...I'm on quite a roll already ...

*snort*

Happy Anniversary you crazy sonofabitch. Wait...let me do this personally...

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