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1:51 p.m. - 2001-09-27



Jesse Jackson wants to go to Afghanistan to meet with the Taliban and see if he can end all this mess peacefully.

You go, Jess!


I mean...what could it hurt? If Jesse is able to successfully come up with a

If the Taliban is setting up a trap and they jump up from the table and hold a knife to Jesse's throat and take him hostage until America cools its

What have we got to lose?

Jesse Jackson??

C''s not like we're losing Michael Jackson. It's JESSE Jackson. The guy that tells everybody how to live their lives and then goes and humps his secretary and has illegitimate kids.

JESSE Jackson.

Sure Taliban. Y'all talk to Jesse. Be sure to ask him how his kids are doing.

I just went to the Coke machine because I didn't have my Diet Dr. Pepper with I was going to buy one and well...guess what?


Okay, I kinda shuddered a bit. But I got that and a package of Malt Crackers w/ Peanut Butter because I didn't get any carbs with my lunch (Blackened Chicken Salad) and I'm eating the crackers as I type this and SIPPING this Diet Coke which isn't bad...but DAMMIT...I really wanted a DDP.


Who am I kidding? Diet Coke sucks. It tastes like somebody spiked a Pepsi with rat urine.

I tasted avocado for the first time today.

One question...who the hell eats this crap on purpose?

I can understand doing like I did...picking through a salad...seeing something green and thinking "Oh. Maybe it's just a rancid tomato" and eating it.

But ORDERING it?!?

No thank you. Hold the avocado and pass the Diet Coke. At least Diet Coke has a rat urine taste with very little aftertaste. Avocado tastes like the actual rat and stays with you like a retarded boyfriend.

I've always liked the word "Avocado". It just sounds cool. In fact, I would have named Andrew Avocado... but he'd have to have the middle name "Zappa" and Susie nixed the middle name of Zappa.

Am I making sense??

I think the avocado combined with the Diet Coke has robbed me of my sanity.

Or at least my taste buds.

For the hell of it, I tried to fill out Schmez's little movie quiz thing.

Here's the freakin' results...

The Best, or the Best One Fitting the Category of:

Silent Film: I don’t think I’ve ever seen one. If I was 90 years old I might have one though.

Old-School Musical: Pink Floyd’s The Wall. If that counts.

Shiny New Musical: I Don’t Have One. Musicals are for pansies.

Melodrama: Sleepless In Seattle. I cry like Jerry Falwell every time I see it.

Foreign Film: Why watch foreign films when we've got plenty of good ones right here?

Hitchcock Movie: The Birds. I've only seen the Birds, Psycho and Family Plot. I don't remember a thing about Family Plot, I thought Psycho sucked, so the Birds wins by default. Then again, when I saw this as a kid and all the birds start pecking away on the running kids...sent shivers down my spine.

Movie About Yuppies: Flirting With Disaster. Funny-as-hell flick with Ben Stiller before he became big.

Documentary: Hoop Dreams. Awesome flick about two young teens playing basketball. A must see.

Disney Movie: Toy Story. It was much better than I expected it to be.

Animated non-Disney Movie: South Park. I couldn't think of any other animated movies that weren't Disney.

Science Fiction/Fantasy Movie: Alien. I don't watch much science fiction stuff. Although I did like that one film where the guy turned into all kindsa shapes and stuff. Maybe it was a girl. Who cares?

Romantic Comedy: The Exorcist.

Bat-Shit Insane Movie: Freaks. The first time I watched it I was getting ill looking at all the freaks. Then I got a phone call from my boss to let me know I had been fired while I was watching it and the loss of a job combined with a screenful of freaks made me puke. I'll never be able to watch the film again.

'80s Movie: Fast Times At Ridgemont High. In its time, this flick rocked. I have trouble watching it now.

Pretentious Film Student Movie: I usually wait until the pretensious film student becomes a pretentious professional director.

Dumb, Dumb Movie: Dumb and Dumber ...duh.

Teen Movie: Go! If that counts.

Movie with The Coreys: The Lost Boys...gotta go with Schmez on this one...especially since I think Corey Feldman is somewhat related to the Anti-Christ. I can't stand the cocky bastard. Especially during his "Look at me...I'm Michael Jackson" period where he wore a white glove and dressed like M.J. for like five years. What the hell was that smack addict thinking??

Horror Movie: The Evil Dead—The only movie I’ve ever seen that made me sleep with the lights on …and I was 23 at the time.

Depressing-as-all-Hell Movie: Saving Private Ryan – I was depressed because I couldn’t believe I wasted money to see it.

Does avocado make one gassy?

Just curious...

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