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6:53 a.m. - 2001-10-27

Testing, testing 1-2-4.

Ground control to Major Tom.

Come in Tokyo.

We read you loud and clear.

Houston ... we have a problem.

Baby, baby...where did our love go? likee??

Mad props to Lisa for her brilliant portrayal of a kick ass HTML writer. She's designed my last two layouts and is truly the wind beneath my wings. She understands me. She takes the crap I tell her ("I want something simple and blue where all the people in the Army can be seen without having to scroll for several hours")and molds it into reality.

Rawk on, Lisa!!!

I'm not GUARANTEEING she'll do the same for you if you're currently residing in shitty HTML limbo land...but she might if you email her and butter her up in some form or fashion. She likes to hear stuff about what beautiful eyes she probably has. Compliment her eyes and she's a sucker for that.

Anyway...thanks Leese. As the aging Michael Jackson would say "You Rock My World".

...Except he'd say it in a voice that would give you shivers.

Everything was so awesomely cool yesterday.

I finished my "Ed" recap yesterday and really REALLY laid the profanity on thick. As much profanity as there is included in the recap, that's only the NECESSARY profanity...I censored myself several dozen times and removed f-words like they were gang members in a home ec class.

Then we had a meeting where all the editorial people were told that we've got too much crap on the company's server. Stuff like MP3s (I only have 500 MP3s on the company's server and don't wanna hear no guff about that) and way too many pictures of Osama bin Laden sodomizing goats are cluttering up the server. So that got drilled into our heads for about 30 minutes.

Then we had our normal staff meeting. My evil boss Wendigo had already informed me that as soon as the meeting was over, she was going to let us have the rest of the day off. Granted, if it was a normal meeting, it would end at 4:00 and we'd all get off an hour early. However...not everyone in the meeting KNEW we'd get out of there early if we kept our traps shut.

One woman in particular started talking about damned near everything she had been working on for the last six months. The rest of us sighed, and I REALLY wanted to write down on a piece of paper "If you'd wrap it up, we can all go home" and shove it her way. But I didn't. So we all listened to her tell her little stories and talk about the various things she had been doing all week.

After she was done, it was like a whirlwind of silence. The rest of us knew that with every second we took up time complaining, that was another second that we couldn't be on the road heading home.

So Wendigo, shedding a little bit of that evilness in her...told us all to take a hike.

Papers were thrown up in the air and the "Hallelujah" chorus came blaring through the Muzak system. I ran to my office, shut off the light and hauled ass to the parking lot like they were handing out free doughnuts there.

Got home, Grandma said Andy had been great all day long. I thanked her for watching him, and slammed the front door on her ass, telling her she should have moved a little quicker.

At this point, Andy starts wailing.



I put in his "Baby Mozart" tape and he quieted down for 28 minutes.

The tape ended and he resumed wailing. Bawling. Screaming.

I gave him a Zweiback Toast thing. With every bite he took, he wailed, bawled and screamed.

After 90 minutes of this, Mama came home. I explained that I was about to kill our child, so she took him, latched him onto her massive boob and he was content.

He ate and we went to La la la la la la la fave Mexican joint for dinner.

Andy wanted to try out his new high-pitched squeal, which is a lot like his old high-pitched squeal, but now with more intensity!

So he shrieked his joyful shriek over and over again. People in other tables and booths were covering their ears as blood flowed freely from their ear canals.

We ate as quickly as humanly possible and took Andy outside where he became as quiet as a mouse.

Susie suggested that we go to our brand new Walmart Supercenter that just opened Wednesday. It was kinda a redneck thing to do...go to the newest Walmart in the country on a Friday night...but it sure beat coming home and having sex.

So we went to Walmart and played "Count the Rednecks". It was fun. We stopped at 11,831.

That was a rhyme.

I found the exact "Secret Gift" that I had bought for Andy for his birthday on Friday. I stopped the cart and pulled it off the shelf and let him play with it to see if he'd like it.


His face lit up and his legs started kicking with a big grin on his face.


I can't WAIT to give it to him!

I think Susie will handle it pretty well. Considering I spent $40 on cheesy DVDs for myself the other day and she barely batted an eyelash. If Daddy's spoiled and can get whatever he wants, why can't Baby be a little spoiled?

I know. It's not a normal pattern of thinking. Screw it.

I love my kid.

That's about it from here...I just really wanted to get the new layout up and make sure it looks good.

Which it does.

Thanks again Lisa.

This rawks!

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