THIS ENTRY EVEN BORED ME

Saturday morning.

How can anyone NOT love Saturday mornings?

The sun shines brighter ... the air feels cleaner ...

At the risk of channelling John Denver here ... the whole world seems a much brighter place on Saturday morning.

I love 'em.

With so many items on my agenda for last night, I took the coward's way out and decided to not do any of them.

Our city had a big party at the riverfront, where plans were announced as to the future of the riverfront.

The whole city was invited, there was live entertainment, a free fish fry, the chance to meet me, etc.

We HAD planned on going. But both of us were tired last night and nixed the plans.

I was also supposed to hook up with my boy Eddie Lavoie and the only-in-town-for-a-few-days Jeremy and go listen to Mattie Gee's band Das Spicolis.

Didn't do that either. Jeremy never called and Eddie didn't sound all that into it. So plans are to go down there tonight to hear the band.

Those were the original plans anyway.

Christ...I've gotten sooooo boring.

So anyway, stayed at home and played with Andy all night, trying to wear him out enough so that he would go to sleep at 10 p.m.

Uh-uh.

At 10 p.m., he was laid down in his crib and immediately began protesting.

I told Susie to just let him stay in there and cry it out. He's six months old now...he's got a clean diaper, he's been fed, he's not in any pain...let him cry it out and cry himself to sleep.

Thirty minutes later, the whole "crying to sleep" shit was out the window. There was NO WAY this kid was going to sleep.

So I broke my own rule, went in there, picked him up and we went out to the den to play some more.

Correction ... he played, I laid on the floor next to him and kept silent.

Forty-five minutes later, he was still playing away, so I warmed up a bottle for him, took him back to his room and fed him a bottle in the dark, hoping the darkness combined with the full tummy would lull him to sleep.

Nope. He finished the bottle and then wanted to check out everything in his room.

So I had to use it.

The night-time Orajel.

Swabbed that on the kid's gums and five minutes later he was snoozing peacefully.

God bless the Orajel company.

I went to get Susie a Mother's Day gift yesterday since this is her first official Mother's Day this year.

I ended up buying her three sets of silk pajamas and two new summer robes for around the house.

I fully planned on waiting until Sunday to give her all this stuff.

Fully.

But...y'see...when I buy my wife stuff, it takes EVERY OUNCE OF WILLPOWER to not give it to her immediately.

She knows this. She's been living with this fault of mine for 15 years.

I tried yesterday to keep it secret. I didn't want her thinking I had gotten her anything.

But the conversation about how our days went hit a lull and I blurted it out.

"Andy bought you a Mother's Day gift today!!" I said.

"He did," she said looking at him. "I wonder what it is..."

Alright...don't tease me like this. It's hard enough keeping the secret inside of me. But DON'T "wonder what it is". Because I will hand you clues like Bill Clinton handing out pardons.

Finally, I gave her the clue, "If you don't open it soon, it could die."

Granted, pajamas and robes can't die. But when you throw death into the equation, she's much more apt to say "Just give me the gift then."

Which she did.

She was very happy with everything, although one set of jammies is going back because it's kinda ... ummmm...too sexy, I guess.

My wife's kinda busty ...and especially since the baby's been born, she's kinda cornered the market on breast flesh around the house.

And this top I bought her, well ... her boobs just fell right out of it.

So she's going to take those back and get something a bit more demure.

Hey...I don't care. It's the thought that counts.

Hired my first intern of the summer yesterday.

I'll call the kid Bernie because if he ever does a search for his name on Google, I feel confident it'll drag him straight here.

Bernie seems to be an awesome kid. College boy ... witty, smart, already has a ton of experience writing ... I'm sure he'll put me to shame in the writing department.

I gave him his first assignment which is to cover this year's Music Fest in two weeks. In the meantime, try to line up some interviews with some of the stars coming to the fest.

I think he'll do great. I took him to the Music Fest offices and introduced him to the lady in charge and said that'd he be representing the paper this year at the fest and to take good care of him.

They said they would.

I really like this kid. I didn't think I would when I spoke to him on the phone a few times, but meeting him ... he just seems like he's going to be a lot of fun to take under my wing this summer and warp the shit out of him.

Had lunch with Mattie Gee and my boy Eddie Lavoie yesterday.

We had a waitress who was sweet as could be ... she called me "Sweet Pea" and called Eddie "Tater Tot" and all three of us "kids", even though she was at least 15 years younger than me.

Her only fault was she was a horribly shitty waitress.

She got Eddie's order wrong once and took it back. Then she brought it back, and it was right but for some reason she took it back to the kitchen after showing it to him.

She forgot about my sandwich like three times.

Cute girl. Great personality. Shitty waitress.

She screwed up the people's order that were sitting behind us as well.

I think she was on drugs.

And she had her right ear pierced like nine times.

I'm sure there's somebody reading this right now who has their ear pierced several times as well.

How do you DO that??

That's just a ton of times to be piercing the ears. I think it'd take longer to take care of my ears than the rest of my body if I had my ear pierced that much.

Yep.

That's what I think alright.

I sent my mom a video of Andy from January through just the other day for Mother's Day.

She got the package yesterday, watched the video, called me and got all choked up.

"He's just so beautiful," she kept saying.

It's unlike my Mom to be like that. Basically, my mom is me with a surlier attitude and smaller breasts. If you think I can be an uncaring, evil bastard...hey...meet my mom, dude. She'll have you in tears before you get your name out.

Anyway, Mom thanked me over and over and said it was one of the best gifts she's ever received.

Maybe she's getting soft in her old age. But I AM looking forward to taking him up to see his grandparents in two weeks. They haven't seen Andy since he was three weeks old and he's really changed a lot since then.

Anyway...

Man ... this was one uneventful diary entry.

I apologize. Hell...it bored me just to type it.

I'll let you get on with your day now.

Sorry for wasting these last five minutes.