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07:06:36 - 2000-04-23


Oh good gracious...I'M BACK!

You just THOUGHT you could get rid of me.


...immortal fools...

Actually...that sounded so "Star Trekkie".

I will go on record, if I haven't already, as saying I don't care for science fiction.

In fact...I hate it.

I like the first two "Alien" movies. Other than that, I think science-fiction is A BUNCH OF BALONEY!!!

(Bob exhales sharply like a knife has been pulled from his chest)

...there...I said it.

I've seen "Star Trek IV". That's the extent of my "Star Trek" experience.

Never ever ever watched an episode of the original show or its spinoffs.


Star Wars?

I saw the first one on video.


Didn't bother seeing any of the others. of my most prized possessions is my original William Shatner Captain Kirk doll.

And my original 15 inch hard plastic Darth Vader doll.


My dollies.

Have I ever told you people I collect a lot of dolls? And that I'm really, honestly, 100% hetero?

Alright...technically...many of them are "Action Figures".

That's the name given to toys that men collect so we don't feel like we're collecting dollies and looking to get our asses kicked by redneck truck drivers.

I've got a bookcase here in my office that has quite a few dolls on it.

The Ed Grimley doll from Saturday Night Live. He was played by Martin Short...the nerdy guy who loved Pat Sajak and played the triangle. "I love Pat Sajak, I must say..."

The afore-mentioned Darth Vader and Captain Kirk dolls.

A rare E.T. figure. It's not a doll. No moveable parts.

An Arnold Schwartzenegger electronic Terminator doll (Trust me...I have probably two dozen of these boxed up).

A rare Robocop figure. Talks and shoots his gun.

An Ace Frehley doll. I've got many sets of all the Kiss dolls but only Ace displayed. The rest are in the closet.

Ahem...A Ginger Spice Doll. These went on the market just as Ginger left the group and they were snatched up quickly. I only saw one in this town, and I own it.

A 12" Terminator figure from Disney World.

And my large Pee Wee Herman doll sitting in his plush Chairy.

Have I told y'all I collect toys?

I think I wrote a Toys entry one time but discarded it because it was just talking about my toys. And not sex toys, either.

I collect "Celebrity Toys" like the ones mentioned above.

Susie and I originally thought we would open up an antique toy shop someday when we retired with all these celebrity toys. a Vanilla Ice Doll going to be worth big bucks in 2040?

The entire NKOTB set?

MC Fucking Hammer??


So...the kid's probably going to get most of these toys when it grows up.

My kid will be so retro, playing with Vanilla Ice dolls in kindergarten.

So my computer all hooked up finally. An all-day project mind you.

Okay...we've admitted my idiocy when it comes to computers and setting things up, etc. I've got about as much chance of installing everything correctly in a computer as Simon Birch has whipping Mike Tyson's ass.

I completely suck at it.

Computer geeks...gather 'round and listen closely. Mebbe you have experienced this problem before and can help me. The rest of y'all can listen in too...I'll try to jazz it up with yuks and chuckles.

I've got the DVD "There's Something About Martha Stewart". When I put it in my player, it makes it to the 2nd "Warning" screen, and then the player makes a lot of clicking and low groaning sounds for about ten minutes -- imagine Anenigma's batteries running dead at the wrong time and you can capture the sound perfectly.

This goes on for ten minutes. Finally, the player starts and the movie runs fine after that.

I put two other movies in and they worked fine from the get-go.

I went so far as to restart the entire machine back to factory settings.

STILL did it.

I took the computer back to Circuit City, swapped it out and got another one.

This one STILL did it. And we tried this one in the store.

...Alright...I brought home the floor model ... it was all they had and I wasn't going to wait for it...that's why I bought from them in the first place, dammit. It had only been on the floor a week, and I KNEW that this DVD player worked fine because I watched him put my copy of "There's Something About Sally Struthers" in there. I've got a warranty...I don't give a shit.

Brought it home...THIS SAME DAMNED MACHINE that 30 minutes earlier played the SAME DVD at Circuit City would NOT play it at my house.

Can you say "GRRRRRR!!"

My boy Eddie Lavoie took the DVD to his place and it worked fine.

I took the DVD BACK to Walmart and exchanged it for another copy.

Brought it home...STILL WOULDN'T PLAY IT.

I've changed out the entire computer and got a new one.

I've changed out the disc and got a new one.

So WTF???

Can you help me? Because right now...I feel like an idiot taking back two completely good items for no good reason.

I've done the whole process of getting both the computers rebooted to their factory settings.

Do Fox DVDs not work in Compaq DVD drives??

Then why did it work in the store???

I'm perplexed.

Oh...and I feel like an old cranky man...but I liked everything the way it used to be on my old machine.

Mindspring is all funky now and trying to be AOL with its new version that I never updated to. I liked it when it was quiet and clunky and ugly.

Now it's yelling at me ...YOU'VE GOT MAIL!!!

Hey look ... FUCK OFF MAIL LADY!!! Just give me a little bleep and the words "New Mail" in the corner of the screen and I'm well fucking aware that I have mail.

Damned millenium ...

So...going to Easter service today. Susie's already at Sunrise service.

Two words... u-gh.

It's cold out this morning and ....alright ... my new computer just "plunked" at me...I hate this shit. I don't wanna read no steenking manuals.

Anyways...she's at church now. I'm going at 10:30 and JOY OF JOYS I get to once again sit with Susie's dad and his wife.



Actually, Thursday night wasn't all that bad. Uncomfortable yes, but I lived. Although I have a stab wound that I should have seeked medical attention for, but that's neither here nor there.

Today, Susie is going to announce to the church that we are going to be having a baby.

Because she's one of the younger adult members of the church, she does a lot of work with the kid's there...mostly she's in charge of the kid's choir right now, but she works with the vacation bible school and other things like that.

So...the women in the church have always badgered her into "When are you going to have a baby??"

Once again...we thought we could never have a kid.


So...this kid is a blessing.

And revealing the blessing in church on Easter morning...well...couldn't be a better time really.

Coulda waited 'til Christmas.

But the kid will be about six weeks old by then.

Hoppy Easter everyone!! Don't step in any bunny shit!

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