REAL MEN DON'T EAT CASSEROLES

I got a copy of Rolling Stone in the mail the other day that had the top 100 pop songs since the Beatles. It's basically the same issue they do every few years when they don't have any decent stories. They slap together the same 100 songs and call it "The Definitive Top 100 Rock/Pop/Hit Singles of All Time".

Except this one is the Rolling Stone/MTV Top 100.

Anyway ... with the help of Napster and a cable modem, I just slapped together a number of MP3s that I needed for my complete collection of Rolling Stone/MTV Top 100 that I hope to get on a five disc set. Sure, most of it's crap. But I've been UP SINCE 3 A.M. WITH A FIDGETTY BABY!

I really should have spent the time answering emails which I have become the absolute WORLD'S WORST EMAILER BACKER in the world.

I apologize.

I'm what they call a "shitass".

A big dumb shitass that won't answer his emails.

I'm embarrassed for my mama.

So anyway...today is the big IRON BOWL DAY!!!!!

Y'see...unless you've ever lived in Alabama, you have no idea how important the Iron Bowl really is.

We have two major colleges in the state ... Auburn and Alabama ... when the two collide on the football field ... it's the biggest party day of the year, right behind Arbor Day.

So...how many people are coming to MY party??

Just the Mrs. and the boy.

We haven't gone to an Iron Bowl party in years. I just enjoy watching the game. I don't need some redneck giving me an analysis of every single play.

"Y'see that there?? That there was a 'forward pass'. That meant he passed that there ball...but he did it in a forward motion. Eh?? You know what I'm sayin'?"

Shut up Carl. I'm trying to watch a game here.

So...and the wife has agreed ... it's going to be our last lazy football day. A day where we lay around and watch football or nap or both. Tomorrow I'm cleaning around the house and doing yardwork. But today...lazy day.

Oh! Last night I was labelled a picky eater by someone outside the family which I thought was just rude as shit.

This lady from church brought us some food for dinner because apparently we're starving over here and she said "I didn't put any cheese on your portion because I know you're a picky eater."

I about poked her in the eye and stomped on her foot.

HOW DARE YOU call ME a picky eater.

Okay ... I don't eat cheese ... I have my reasons ...

BUT THAT'S IT!!

Okay ... I don't like pork chops. But nobody ever brings you pork chops after you've had a baby.

"HERE! Greasy hunks of pork!!"

It just doesn't happen that way.

And I'm not a big fan of casseroles. And I defy you ladies to find me ANY MAN who really digs casseroles.

They're just not out there.

Now...they may eat the casserole because you made it and they know they'd better not talk bad about your cooking.

But...if given the choice between a juicy thick steak or a chicken and rice casserole ... most men will be all over that steak.

That said ... since this baby's been born, I've reached my lifetime quota of casserole consumption. I've eaten seven different casserole dishes since the baby was born. Each of them were very tasty ... but it's over. Done with. No more casseroles, EVER.

Does this make me a picky eater??

I defy you to say that it does.

And chicken.

My God.

Apparently, you can't go wrong with chicken when you're making a dish to take to someone who's had a baby. Chicken must be the order of the day when you've passed a human being through your birth canal.

I've had chicken and rice, chicken and dumplings, baked chicken, a REALLY NASTY fried chicken (it tasted like fried gopher poop), and The Notorious B.I.G. chicken, which was a huge blackened chicken breast.

So I'm taking a break from chicken. I know...a lot of you are heartbroken right now.

I WILL go back to chicken someday. So dry those tears, Pablo Honey.

...Just....no more chicken for the next week.

You know what I think was a great moment in rock and roll? And only because I'm listening to the MP3 of the moment right now? When Sting joined Puff Daddy on stage of one of those Awards shows and sang on "I'll Be Missing You". It was just cool that an artist got up there on stage with the guy that sampled his original hit and gave it credence.

Is credence the word I'm looking for?

Okay...believe it or not, off and on, this diary entry has taken me two hours to write. Of course, I've been downloading songs off Napster like it was folding tomorrow...but I need to move on.

Have a good 'un.

QUESTION OF THE WEEKEND

Heard any good jokes lately?