IF YOU SHOP AT CIRCUIT CITY AFTER READING THIS, I WILL KILL YOU

Ohhhhh...I am so goddamned mad....

If you're in a great mood and don't wanna leave here steaming mad at the corporate retail world...LEAVE NOW!!!

For the rest of you that want to suck on my rage for a while...read on.

Oh goddammit...the more I think about it the more pissed I get...

Okay...I've got this new computer and ....

(Chuckles start arising from computer desks worldwide...)

ALRIGHT YOU ASSHOLES!!!! THAT'S ENOUGH!!! I BOUGHT A SHIT COMPUTER!!! YOU ALL WIN!!!!

There. Now...everyone say "I told you so, Uncle Bob" and let's be done with it.

Alright...I bought a Compaq. Trust me...I don't need your advice because I can't USE it because CIRCUIT FUCKIN' CITY HAS ME BY THE FUCKING BALLS!!!

Oh...I'm going to be cursing heavily here today. If you don't like it, you know where the fuckin' back button is, don't you, Miss Priss???

Alright...apparently Circuit City has a 15% restocking fee.

Which means if you take something back and want your money back, they charge you 15% of the total price to "restock" the goods.

Oh those motherfucking sonsofbitches....

I need a fucking beer.

A joint.

Anything.

I picked a fine time to give up marijuana...

Anywahooo...

I took the first Compaq computer back because "the DVD didn't work."

I brought the second one home...same goddamned thing.

But hey...I'm too embarrassed to take the damned thing back and say "It still won't work, even though we tried it out and it worked fine when we left the store."

I'm a wuss that way.

I was also having an extremely hard time getting connected to the Internet and staying on there. Last night I finally gave up on connecting, hooked up my trusty, old 150 mhz machine and it sailed me right on to the Internet with the same connection.

Hmmmm...

This morning, I laid belly down on the floor and used the old computer while this $1,600 piece of sparkling shit stared at me from the computer desk like a bad kid refusing to connect for its new daddy.

I uploaded this page right before the computer terminated the internet connection. I then called Mindspring tech support.

We discovered it was my phone line after he flaunted his computer knowledge and rubbed it in my illiterate face for 30 minutes.

So I called the phone company. They promised someone out here after noon.

God bless 'em. The guy was here at noon.

He spent four hours fucking with every single phone jack in this house, in my neighborhood, in the phone box two streets over.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

I finally got the word that it was ....

MY MODEM.

Wha'?? MY MODEM?!?

This is a brand new modem, phone boy ...I bought it Friday from Circuit Fuckin' ....

...It's your modem, Uncle Bob.

Grrrrrrrrrr...

So I pack this brand spankin' new hunk of walrus shit up in its original box and take it back to my good friend Senor Shitbreath from Circuit Fuckin' City.

Except this time...I'm pissed.

Seems I can't get another computer like this one until the stock comes in...you know...Wednesday...maybe Thursday...

Uh uh goddammit. I want a computer NOW!

ME: I will take my money please and go to Office Depot and get the same goddamned computer over there.

SENOR SHITBREATH: Sure thing Uncle Bob...let's see...with a 15% restocking fee....you owe us $150.

ME: I am going to fucking kill you, you whore.

You've got to be fucking lying to me, right???

Apparently, he was not.

So now...once again...my trusty 150 mhz is right there by my side.

My old pal.

This old machine knows eventually I'm gonna take it out back and shoot it just like you would a dog with fleas.

So it's holding on to my leg for dear life.

It never did like that Compaq computer.

Jesus God...I'm so wound up I'm staring at my computer tower with lust in my eyes. I really hate to give the little bastard up.

This may end up just being a $150 hard lesson learned.

As always...I'll keep you posted.