Comments:

Jackie - 2004-08-20 09:06:40
The whole time I was thinking, real creative parents. Name their son Dennis and then their daughter Denise. What will they do if they have another one?
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warcrygirl - 2004-08-20 09:12:20
Holy Shit Bob! Escort the little brat to your front door, explain that Andrew is playing with daddy today and ask her to come back some other time. It's YOUR house, YOUR time with YOUR son! You have only yourself to blame for missing out on quality time. Next time just don't answer the door. Of course, if the poor kids had parents who spent any time with them they wouldn't be bothering you, so maybe you did a good thing...
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bigpimpinmba - 2004-08-20 09:13:08
The sharks actually save them and bring them back to shore where the sharks then become the people's pets and live in their bathtub until the sharks eat one of their kids when Junior tries to take a bath. Shocking.

I think it is a healthy outlet for you to vent all of your anger to us and keep your cool around the children. You know you secretly love having Dennis and Denise visit you.

Wait... Their parents named them Dennis and Denise? They couldn't come up with two names that were even a little different from each other. There are only about 171 million names to choose from in the world. They thought that names starting with Den were so cool that they just HAD to give their kids essentially the same exact name? Is their Dad Dennis Foreman, Jr.?
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saidnot - 2004-08-20 09:14:35
My boy is apparently kin to your Andrew .. will not tell me anything about school and eventually screams if I keep asking. We have a Denise in the neighborhood who much resembles Pippi Longstocking. In about 10 years the 5 boys her age in our neighborhood are going to be fighting over her, I'm sure, but, for now, they run. Oh, and just because, I happened to catch Jimmy Carter on the radio this morning (not the ex pres, the entertainment reporter) and he said Open Water was one of the worst movies he'd seen in a long time. I'm not holding out hope that you'll think much better of it, but good luck.
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artgnome - 2004-08-20 09:23:08
I agree with Warcrygirl, the only thing that works with pushy, annoying children is NO. I have to set boundaries with other people's children all the time. Where the heck are their parents??!! It's rediculous. Also, maybe driving your son to a park away from all the annoyances may be a good option too. I don't know how you do the Kareoke thing, I so can't stand people who butcher music as a pastime. The only thing I can think of there is earplugs and some biting sarcasm.
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laura - 2004-08-20 09:24:45
I have to agree with warcrygirl - if you don't want the neighborhood kids coming to play, just tell them so. Don't let them in - If their parents say anything to you explain that it's your house and you're not obligated to let their kids in.
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Erin - 2004-08-20 09:52:11
I'm guessing that Dennis and Denise are pseudonyms. At least, I hope so.
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JP - 2004-08-20 10:01:48
If yall would look back about ten to fifteen entries, you will see that Dennis is a pseudonym for the boy because he is like Dennis the Mennis. The girl is the same way but can't be called Dennis. So, her name is Denise. This is the girl that pissed all over herself on UB's porch, isn't it?
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erica - 2004-08-20 11:27:33
Just rip her arms off and beat her with them.
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bigpimpinmba - 2004-08-20 11:44:59
JP... oooohhhhhhh. Now I get it. You are correct about Dennis/ Denise thingy. I can't believe that I didn't pick up on that. Just chalk it up to my stupidity, which is evident just about every time I open my mouth or type something. My attempt at humor is foiled once again by the non-idiots of the world...
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Squeakster - 2004-08-20 12:19:11
Don't forget to reveal to us just how shocked you are with the surprise ending! That M. Knight, he's a "master of suspense" from the school of Stephen King. For me? I'd rather watch Hitchcock movies over and over again and confuse people that are watching with me by shouting out "Isn't this the scene where..." and I say something that is from a completely different Hitchcock movie. After awhile nobody knows whats going on anymore and for awhile everybody intently watches like they never seen it before. But then again, maybe I'v e swallowed too much salt water and you know what that'll do to you.
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R.Y. - 2004-08-20 12:32:11
God, I hate children. All children, but especially the ones that won't shut the fuck up about their stupid little lives. I have no maternal instinct. Although, didn't someone debunk the concept of maternal instincts a while ago?
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wizzbang - 2004-08-20 12:40:07
yes, RK, i think it was your mom
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Jacques Cousteau - 2004-08-20 14:02:13
I saw Open Water. I hate to spoil it for you but at the end, just as the two people are about to get eaten, the sharks are surrounded by a savage pack of wildlife documentary filmmakers and are torn apart in a "filming frenzy." It's ugly.
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Sandra - 2004-08-20 14:02:17
wizzbang- agreed and whole-heartedly. I think the poor kids just don't receive enough attention from their parents so they simply go looking for it elsewhere. Children as young as Denise are not intentionally annoying; they just don't know any better. Hopefully UB can teach her a social grace or two (dozen).
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LLJ - 2004-08-20 15:23:21
The surprise? Is that there is no surprise. I mean please....you'll be let down after you see it. You'll be annoyed. It was a good enough movie, but they overplayed the whole "how scary is it?" when they didn't need to. Plus the real moral of the story...better have sex when on vacation, you never know!
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Veronica - 2004-08-20 15:58:08
There's a neighbourhood kid much like "Denise" in my area. She once tried to come along when I wanted to take my son to the local outdoor pool, and when I asked if her Mom knew, she said yes. I didn't want this kid hanging around us that day, so I gave up and went home. I later found out that she had told her mother that I was "taking" her to the pool, but otherwise, she's not allowed to go that far from home. Maybe this "Denise" said that she was allowed over, but didn't even ask. P.S. It's your home, you don't have to allow her over. And if the kid won't play with yours, tell them to play or it's time to leave.
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Grey - 2004-08-20 16:20:09
Bob, I have a few solutions for you. You could get really hammered and stumble over to the parent's house. Once there pee on their front door and mat. OR get hammered and mention how much you miss your old school teaching job. Then mutter something about "unfounded allegations" and your desire to "rip the lying little cunt's tongue out". I am fairly sure the first would make you feel better, but not accomplish much. However, I think the second might just get the kids banned not only from your house, but your street as well.
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Seattle Suz - 2004-08-21 02:56:54
Spoiler alert- Her name is Pam. She wakes up and her husband, Bobby, is taking a shower. With sharks.
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Lori - 2004-08-21 11:01:40
Come on now people. If Uncle Bob didn't let the little people of the neighborhood push him around like a wet mop we wouldn't have these fabulous stories to read. So go ahead UB, just lay down and continue letting the Dennis and Denises of the world keep walking all over you! If you need any more kids just let me know. I will be glad to ship my 2 back to AL for you!!
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Megan - 2004-08-21 16:00:41
Now I haven't seen Open Water, and have no intention of seeing it, but I would have to say that The Village by M Night Shamawhatever is the worst ever. That movie was so dumb. Really, the guy should just quit making movies because they all are supposed to be SCARY! and have big TWISTS! but in reality just suck balls.
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jd - 2004-08-21 20:41:46
I'll kick your ass if you end up giving that "based on a true story" bullshit a good review. Hey! And have a great time
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Chunk - 2004-08-22 03:00:52
If that "Open Water" movie is based on a true story, is it based on the story of two yanks who died while snorkeling off Queensland Australia?..... If so, it's a simple story...and no one will know the truth until someone can DNA test all the fish turds in the area to find the culprit...My money is on the wily octopus...
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monkie-pals4 - 2004-08-22 14:44:18
that is probably the funniest thing that i have ever read on this site. keep up the good work, bob.
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Erin - 2004-08-22 19:26:53
Chunk: It is that story. I guess by *basing* it on a true story, they were able to fill in all the missing details. It wasn't bad. I didn't think it was scary, but it's not a situation I'd ever like to be in.
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Squeakster - 2004-09-05 09:51:55
Megan, now that UB has seen Open Water, I want to go on record in agreement with you about M. Knight BoomShakalaka (And Stephen King too). The only thing surprising about their efforts is that they receive any positive recognition at all. At least King has his past to lean on. I'm also going for the record of latest comments poster in a comments thread.
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Kate - 2004-09-12 10:38:36
LOL My mom's name is Denise and her younger brother is Dennis. Anyway, I found this story to be quite hilarious. I'm adding you as a favorite asap!
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