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Comments:
Bigpimpinmba - 2004-10-18 08:55:00
Yippee-kiyae- MFer. Did you at least pick up your "I survived Jethro and Bobby-Joe's weddin" T-Shirt at the door on the way out?
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rhi - 2004-10-18 08:59:45
hahaha..I SO needed to read a journal excerpt like THAT this morning! Thanks for making my family seem normal. Muah!
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connex - 2004-10-18 09:01:21
LOL!! You get to meet all the best people!!
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Flashlightning - 2004-10-18 09:09:32
You should videotape these things yourself and sell the collections to us. I'd by them.
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Bing - 2004-10-18 09:13:34
the videographer's check bounced?
I'm assuming yours was good, or have you not had a chance to get to the bank yet?
Here's hoping.....
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michelle - 2004-10-18 09:15:24
OH. MY. GOD.
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saidnot - 2004-10-18 09:25:23
What exactly was wrong with that wedding/reception? You do realize the trend now is to go non-traditional ... yes? ;-P
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Barb - 2004-10-18 09:29:04
From someone who just got married 2 months ago and agonized about every detail and whether or not everything I did was in good keeping with etiquette... all I can say is, OH MY....
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Squeakster - 2004-10-18 10:00:33
Somebody stop the ride, I think I'm going to be sick...
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Andy - 2004-10-18 10:05:46
Ahhh, red-neck weddings. I've been to a few and always make sure to get pictures of the eventual fight. Last one I went to the the grooms brother was calling the bride a f-ing bitch and punches started to fly...
They only made it 3 daya into the honeymoon before they came back early to anull the marriage. Of coures they cashed my wedding present check.
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Amber - 2004-10-18 10:08:42
Did they send their wedding invites hand-written on index cards? My cousin did...oh, and did I mention the groomsmen wore matching flannel shirts? Thanks for the laugh-it made my Monday :)
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karen - 2004-10-18 10:09:28
and I think my job sucks?
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katrina - 2004-10-18 10:29:15
REDNECK WEDDING...Now there's a reality show I'd watch! Oh. The Horror.
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Megan - 2004-10-18 10:32:55
Such a great story.
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Earthchild44 - 2004-10-18 11:05:07
My cousin's wedding was a big joke. Instead of heels with her dress, she wore her big tazmanian devil slippers. The bridesmaids wore them too, it was just rediculous!
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HRT - 2004-10-18 11:27:56
Did you say they drank ALL of the beer? You're lucky you didn't have a riot on your hands.
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Uncle Bob - 2004-10-18 12:03:54
The Tazmanian Devil slippers story reminded me ... the bride's sister/maid of honor wore Doc Martens under her dress. No lie. And for most of the reception, she wore this big ugly camoflauge jacket over her dress. Yes, they drank the kegs dry ... there were two kegs (that I saw). My check was good, I took it to the bank last week and there were no problems with it. I thought about taking pictures and/or videotaping the affair, but I would have panicked if I posted the pics here and either someone they knew saw them or one of you guys knew the couple. It's best not to incriminate the innocent via photographs here. I can honestly say that the couple were indeed one of the nicest couples I've dealt with though. Strange ... but sweet.
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Divaah46 - 2004-10-18 12:47:34
At least you survived. Let's hope the couple does too.
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christen - 2004-10-18 13:07:18
That is awesome. At my cousin's wedding, the bride was 8 months pregnant, wearing a white dress, and smoking a cigarette outside the church. Oh yeah, and she didn't wear her TEETH to her own wedding. I'm serious! She and the groom (my cousin) both had mullets, and instead of cutting his off, his hairdressers convinced him to keep it because it was SOOOO gorgeous and just braid it and tuck it down the back of his shirt. At the reception, they had mic light in cans, beanie-weenies, and generic mac and cheese.
Rednecks are awesome!
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tracy - 2004-10-18 13:12:40
Good God allmighty, that was horrible. I'm glad the check was good and that you made it out alive.
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Withheld by Request - 2004-10-18 14:06:54
Ahhh, I remember it like it was yesterday: At the church the Bride's people were seated to the left, the Groom's to the right. The left side featured tuxedos and evening wear, the right had ill-fitting Montgomery Ward suits and party dresses from a "Seniors Sock-Hop" of a decade before. When it came time to pray and sing a psalm, the left side of the aisle was in full voice, the right side featured lowered eyes and scraping feet on the floorboards. And I think that any wedding reception which features guys in suits and tuxedos pumping draft beer from kegs has crossed some sort of line.
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Stacy - 2004-10-18 14:12:47
Oh.My.God
what a freakin' trainwreck! I'm laughing and shaking my head...thinking 'that's just wrong!'
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Dawn (webmiztris) - 2004-10-18 14:41:25
I fear you are not making this shit up...no matter how much they paid you, IT WAS NOT ENOUGH.
Sounds like a great movie though....
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Fantastique - 2004-10-18 17:07:22
Is anybody else curious about what you were going to use eggs, lemons, bandannas, panty hose and markers for? Please tell!
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pat - 2004-10-18 17:22:32
uncle bob you sure do know how to tell a story... I can hardly stop laughing.
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Suzelle - 2004-10-18 17:39:36
That is just FRIGHTENING.
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Anvil - 2004-10-18 18:29:42
Uncle Bob- that was the funniest entry ever. Gawd. Damn.
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Toots - 2004-10-18 20:23:20
I'm sure there will be a few "PRICELESS" pictures circulating around after that wedding!!! LMAO
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Toots - 2004-10-18 20:25:13
...still laughing "hairy woodchuck"...OMG! whew...
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Hairy Woodchuck - 2004-10-18 21:59:01
Too bad I can't divorce the stench of this place I'm in....
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Argentum - 2004-10-18 22:06:23
Ha. You had to play 'Strokin'.
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adorkableblush - 2004-10-18 22:07:09
I dont know but that sounds like an aweful amount of fun to me. Id be laughin so hard id cry.
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Kari - 2004-10-18 23:13:58
Oh. Maw. Gawd.
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D - 2004-10-19 08:17:15
I'm really, really sorry that you couldn't get a video of those good times.
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Joy - 2004-10-19 09:34:47
Susie Lee fell in love.
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all,
she told her Pappy so.
Pappy told her, "Susie Gal,
you'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' maw don't know,
cuz Joe is yo' half-brother!"
So Susie forgot about her Joe
and planned to marry Will.
But after telling Pappy this,
he said, "There's trouble still.
You can't marry Will, my gal,
and please don't tell yo' mother,
cause Will and Joe and several mo'
I know is yo' half-brother."
But Mama knew and said "Honey Child,
Do what makes yo' happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe,
you ain't no kin to Pappy!"
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Christina - 2004-10-19 11:41:37
Wow I live in Cali and every time I read one of your posts I think how can it be that people are still like that somewhere in this country?! I mean we have our share of rednecks but this is wonderful!
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Neal - 2004-10-19 23:40:17
WOW... WOW is all I can say... I'm from canada and there are some messed up people in the bush here but thats one of a kind. That definatly made my day reading that... made me think shit ain't all that bad around here..
Thanks man... Great way of writing that..
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Dennis - 2004-10-19 23:59:22
Please tell me you played redneck wedding by the dixie chicks.
"You can't afford no ring, You can't afford no ring, I shouldn't be wearing white and you can't afford no ring."
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Ana - 2004-10-20 12:32:06
Thank you so much for making my lunch-at-the-office a laughing blast! Unfortunately, here in Brazil all weddings are as phony as they can be. Even if you are a redneck.
I already bookmarked your site!
Now 'Immona fix masehlf sum samwich' for lunch.
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fealty - 2004-10-20 15:14:25
get a real gig hippie.
how on earth did you get so smug about a cherry job? your whole job is distracting drunk people away from what a sham the marriage is. you might as well dress up like a clown!!! hahahaha
who's the moron, he who buys a G worth of kareoke equipment, or the tart who got him to do it for a $200 reception?
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Tenshi - 2004-10-20 16:35:38
omg, U.B. ... how do you put UP with that shit?!
Reminds me when all my cousins got married, many years ago, when "Ride The Train" (or whatever it's called) was still new and then they still played "Locomotion" just because they damn well couldn't stand anything brand-spankin' new.
...I'm glad I quit talking to them. They all ended up divorcing anyway, and I think a couple of them actually switched partners. >_<
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azzy - 2004-10-21 11:19:14
I think that is the funniest thing ever. And with my wedding being just under one year away, I know it will not go THAT wrong, or be white trash in the least.
I do agree with Flashlightning, you should videotape these things. You would probably make a fortune!
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Andrew - 2004-11-05 11:21:43
Gotta say, usually I consider the wedding DJ the lowest form of "entertainer" to exist. All of them in my area must have gone to the same weekend seminar to learn the stupidest things. I did a friend's wedding by myself recently since they wanted to avoid the usual crap, and everyone was surprised how fun it was when the DJ actually knew the musical interests of the bride and groom and their peers.
But you sir, are a class act and a fine observer of humanity. I wish I could have seen that one. Did they do a dollar/shot dance, and if so, did they pout shots for the kids too?
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Cold but calm Canuck - 2005-03-03 10:50:22
UB, what a hoot. Reminds me of when my cousin married a guy from the Ontario boonies. She asked me to give her away. The wedding dinner was at a highway greasy spoon diner and the reception was at the local Royal Canadian Legion, a veterans' club. There was no separate room or anything at the Legion so the reception was held in what is basically the only tavern within thirty miles. The clientele this Saturday night was half mostly well-dressed wedding folks and half pinheaded, inbred, drunken locals wearing rubber boots and styligh lumberjackets. EACH AND EVERY male under 70 hit on my girlfriend (who was the best-looing chick in a hundred-mile radius). The groom's nephews stole their wedding-night champagne. The bride and groom couldn't afford a room so we gave them ours at the local motel (where everything smelled of sulphur). The groom's brother recovered most of the champagne and we left for civilisation as fast as we freakin' could. The marriage lasted 18 months.
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Juatagirl - 2005-03-03 11:53:08
Canuck that is great! ha ha ha, a wedding in a legion, with plaid... that is so Canadian Redneck, Ontario style. Out here in Alberta, there would have been lots of full sized trucks with gun racks and dirty farmers, drinkin' nasty assed beer!
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BigDaddyMoe - 2005-03-03 15:16:05
All I can say is, Funny as HELL!! Enjoyed the story, enjoyed the comments, except the loser who told Uncle Bob to get a real gig. Thanks UB.
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runnin scared - 2006-07-08 00:41:19
ok...planning a wedding for next June. Just on a lark I looked up redneck wedding(2 weeks ago)...we are now getting married in Colorado. Although I don't think anyones mother would wear shorts or start a fight we're just a little too redneck to take the chance. Thanks for the warning.
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