Comments:

connex - 2005-01-27 08:39:30
I would ask Jesus how accurate the bible is and how muched it's been changed to suit others agendas.
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kris - 2005-01-27 09:01:32
I would ask both George W and Tony Blair, is leaving some sort of 'I was all powerful' legacy worth the death, the destruction and the damage to democracy?
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baglady - 2005-01-27 09:04:56
Oh, Uncle Bob - I don't want to dash your colostomy bag fantasies, but I have one and I hate to tell you that there's no hose to pull out of your ass to spray kids with. It's actually on your front lower abdomen, with no spray apparatus. Oh, but forget about all that - it's all about living the dream, right?? Maybe they can make you a custom-made sprayer!!! I will tell you this, though - it's the lazt man's dream. You don't feel like getting up to go to the bathroom?? You DON'T HAVE TO. Awesome.
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guantanamera - 2005-01-27 09:09:13
I would ask Thomas Jefferson where my car keys are. Oh, and if it's true that once you go black you never go back.
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Amy - 2005-01-27 09:14:41
I would ask Jesus why God had to create a serpant
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Digital Soap - 2005-01-27 09:28:41
I would ask Ghandi for a good vindaloo recipe.
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Matt - 2005-01-27 09:29:51
I'd ask Abraham Lincoln how he gets his thighs so silky smooth and milky white!
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Matt - 2005-01-27 09:34:59
I'd ask Abraham Lincoln how he gets his thighs so silky smooth and milky white!
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saidnot - 2005-01-27 09:35:32
I'd ask Vincent Price if he'd read the collected works of Poe to me.
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Barb - 2005-01-27 09:35:37
Good question Connex. I'd ask him when He was coming back, because, boy, we sure could use Him right about now.
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Naners - 2005-01-27 09:37:43
I'd ask Charles Lindbergh about the death of his son, probably most specifically if he did it.
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Sweet Reagan - 2005-01-27 09:57:30
I would ask Uncle Bob why the HELL he made me read about shit while I was eating breakfast!?! Dude, go get some freakin coffee before you start writing, PLEASE! ;)
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Jane - 2005-01-27 09:59:40
I'd ask Mary whether or not she was REALLY a Virgin when Jesus was conceived.
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craig - 2005-01-27 10:01:26
I'd ask Paris Hilton if she'd like me to shoot it in her face or hair.
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static - 2005-01-27 10:01:52
who do I ask? I want to know why all Gym teachers are gay.
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Meghan - 2005-01-27 10:13:32
I would ask Jimmy Hoffa what really happened to him and then sell the story to the press.
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Neo - 2005-01-27 10:22:14
I'd ask the Architect, What does ergo really mean....
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Squeakster - 2005-01-27 10:27:37
I hate to be the one but, Nicole Simpson. You know what. Just to clear it up once and for all. UB woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. He's having old people doodie spraying fantasies when he himself gets creeped out by touching the bag that touches the container that holds an old persons doodie(or was it the doodie stained paper that identified the doodie?). Whatever!
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Andy - 2005-01-27 10:33:55
Didn't Marvel comics have a super hero that used a colostomy bag? SuPoo Man or something?
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Lando - 2005-01-27 10:54:05
hey, no fair! matt got to ask twice. and UB, you can lie to us all you want but we still know the truth. it was the half-digested corn in your story that got your stomach a rumblin'.
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Dea - 2005-01-27 10:59:46
I'd ask Hitler if it was worth it, and assuming he'd be in a corporial form I'd kick him a lot. I'd ask Shakespeare if he has any hidden treasures for us and where they are, and what inspired him to write the way he did.
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Tenshi - 2005-01-27 10:59:50
Hey UB; You thinking about pulling that tube outta your butt? Just remember, you gotta put it back in. :\ ....heee. :)
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Gina - 2005-01-27 11:01:05
I'd ask Amelia Earhart what happened to her.
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itsy - 2005-01-27 11:15:39
Can you CATCH arthritis from those old people?! :)
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Kitty - 2005-01-27 11:26:07
I'd ask Marilyn Monroe what really happened on the night of her death. Spraying kids w/ shit is a good idea! You crack me up, UB!
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Matt - 2005-01-27 11:47:59
Sorry Lando, I didn't mean to ask twice. My computer sucks!
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onewetleg - 2005-01-27 13:02:05
id ask kurt cobain 'why? why did you do it?'
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Bea Arthur - 2005-01-27 13:49:43
I'd ask Edward Burns to have sex with me on a bed of red jellow.
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Bea Arthur - 2005-01-27 13:50:46
Ok. I'm obsessive compulsive about typos. It's JELLO. Mmkay. Just had to fix that. kthnksbye. Fetal ball.
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Karrie - 2005-01-27 14:00:37
I'd ask Courtney Love Why? Why did you make him do it!?
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michelle - 2005-01-27 14:17:05
i'm w/ onewetleg; i'd ask kurt 'why?'
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Jessica - 2005-01-27 14:32:03
I'd ask John Lennon for his opinion on what is going on in the world today.
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Joey - 2005-01-27 14:59:18
Hey Uncle Bob, love your diary. I had a colostomy bag for 6 months, just got it reversed in May of 2004. Let me clear some things up for you. It's not attached to your ass at all. In fact, if your ass could function, you wouldn't have one in the first place. I had mine as a result of emergency surgery for a ruptured bowel. Not fun. The worst thing? You still farted but you had NO control over it at all! You couldn't stiffle them. Anyways I always entertained the thought of squeezing mine out on some jackass who crossed my path but I didn't think that would be ladylike *L* Anyway, funny diary!
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TD - 2005-01-27 15:11:58
Yea, I asked John Lennon for his opinion too, he was so *deep*. I'd also ask RiverPheonix what we should do about Iraq, and while I was at it, I'd like to here Freddie Prinzs thoughts on abortion.
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Megan - 2005-01-27 15:22:59
I'm with Dea, I'd like to talk to Hitler. I'm not sure if I could ask just one question, maybe what was going through his mind the month before he killed himself. Or Van Gogh, because he had such beautifully tragic work and he was brilliant. I'd like to know what his take is on "the starry night" being the most famous work of his when it is not the best IMO.
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Lenor - 2005-01-27 15:31:36
Piss Boy grows up...only to become Crazy Shit Guy At The End Of The Street? Oh, well. A man's dream should exceed his grasp etc. And I would ask Jon Benet "Who did this to you, baby?" Poor little girl. But then I'd call Squeakster and Meghan and Nanners to find out what they found out...
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Dave - 2005-01-27 15:41:22
That was just disgusting. Ugh... Anyway, I'm with Connex - I'd want to talk to Jesus and get the real story straight from the horse's mouth.
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Cruel-Irony - 2005-01-27 16:01:12
One of my sisters has juvenile arthritis - has since she was 12 - and she's a couple of years older than me which makes her your age. I'm sure that's what's troubling you because it certainly can't be old people arthritis.
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J - 2005-01-27 16:22:18
I hope some of y'all are kidding about your questions. Especially TD. I would ask Kurt why he didn't do it sooner, like BEFORE he had an innocent child.
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Fuzzy - 2005-01-27 16:23:02
Wow, good question UB. I would really just like to talk to my dad and find out what the hell he was thinking when he killed himself and if he's ever regretted not physically being here for my entire life. And then like Lenor said, I'd call everyone else to see about what all their contacts said...
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Kara - 2005-01-27 16:26:14
I'd ask Michael Jackson why he thought looking like a freakoid alien was better than looking like the black(ish) man he is.
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Dea - 2005-01-27 16:27:36
Courtney Love DID NOT make him do it...
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Dea - 2005-01-27 16:29:33
SOOOOOO sorry for the multiple entries, but wasn't the quesiton to ask someone who was dead, Paris Hiton isn't dead, nor is Micheal Jackson and a couple others.... Just being Cpt. Obvious.
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Asor - 2005-01-27 16:34:47
To Captain Oblivious: "If you could ask any famous person either dead or alive one question, whom would you question and what would you ask?"
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Jodeci - 2005-01-27 16:35:53
According to www.anomalies-unlimited.com Courtney Love DID it to him. I, for one, agree. And I would ask Sophocles what the hell happened to him to make him write "Oedipus Rex". UB, I nearly choked to death laughing...
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Megan S. - 2005-01-27 17:28:18
I think if I had the chance, I'd ask Bobby Kennedy if he ever put it to Jackie after his brother died. It's probably number #38534946867687857 on the list of important things to ask, but hey, I'm a simple girl.
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pinkytusk - 2005-01-27 17:51:31
a colostmy bag doesn't come out of your ass.. it's attachached to your intestine... it would still be crap though and you could probably manage to squirt people with it.. I can see how it might feel more rewarding coming out of your ass though.
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Steve - 2005-01-27 17:57:32
Benedict Arnold....What WERE you thinking? Did you want your name to be synonymous with "traitor" perhaps?
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onyx - 2005-01-27 18:13:46
I'd ask Jesus what else I need to do to make the list. If that's not possible, then I'd ask George W what the freak he's doing?!?!?!
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cosmicrayola - 2005-01-27 18:43:06
I would ask Nicole Simpson who killed her. (I still think it was OJ's son.
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Jesus - 2005-01-27 18:50:55
This is Jesus. 1. You people are so fucked up I'm not coming back because I don't know how to use an AK-47. 2. Part of the Bible is true. So is part of "The Aviator."
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anahnimoose - 2005-01-27 18:56:23
I'd ask my father-in-law (famous in certain circles) what really happened the night he was murdered.
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jenna - 2005-01-27 20:14:22
In the interest of planning my future, I'd have to check with my homie Jesus about Heaven, but I'd also love to ask Lee Harvey Oswald if he really did it all alone.
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stella - 2005-01-27 20:36:36
anahnimoose, may i ask who your father-in-law is? I would ask my grandfather to tell me about himself.
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Arianna - 2005-01-27 22:24:37
dude, I am so with jenna. I'd be all "lee! baby! cmon, give us the goods. What really happened?" And if he doesn't know - I'D ASK FOR A REFUND
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Brandi - 2005-01-27 23:39:52
To Santa Claus: How bad can I be and still be on the "nice" list?
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Goomba in the grass - 2005-01-28 02:25:28
I'd ask Jesus if he thought about every individual human being while on the cross or just humanity in general.
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Pam - 2005-01-28 02:44:26
I would ask to be Tom Brady's personal assistant. Then Superbowl tickets...They are expensive.
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Kevin - 2005-01-28 03:45:41
I'd ask Jesus his opinion of the religion based on him. Personally, I don't think he'd be pleased.
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Ames - 2005-01-28 07:46:26
I'd ask Azaria Chamberlain if her mum slit her throat. Dingo my ass.
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Kagemi - 2005-01-28 08:57:43
This is completely irrelevant to everyone but me and any other military history fans that might be reading UB's comments section, but to be totally honest I've got a couple of questions I'd like to bounce off Uesugi Kenshin. Like whatever possessed him to order the execution of Kakizaki Kageie. And why he decided to make his adopted sons co-heirs, which caused the civil war that ruined the Uesugi clan. I have a hard time believing that a brilliant person like Uesugi Kenshin didn't know that one of his sons was going to attack the other. And if he actually died by the hands of an assassin or just drank himself to death. Fascinating time...
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Stephanie - 2005-01-28 10:07:04
I'd ask my grandmother to tell me about herself. I look like her and I'm named after her but since she died when my dad was 16, so I never got to meet her.
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shana - 2005-01-29 00:46:50
i'd ask my dad why he never tried to see me or call me after they split up when i was 2.
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brutalful - 2005-01-29 11:38:44
You guys are assuming these people are omniscient after their deaths. Do they have answers to questions they couldn't have when they were alive?
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teen drama queen - 2005-01-30 22:03:59
hum... i'm torn between asking Queen Elizabeth I if she was a virgin, or Janis Joplin if it was suicide or OD. God, I'm a geek. George Bush and Tony Blair aren't dead, y'all. Just a thought.
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boredlaura - 2005-01-31 04:15:21
I'd ask Uncle Bob (as he's the career-meister) if I should quit my shitty job that I don't particularly like to become unemployed, and what are the pros and cons of such and an action.
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Michelle - 2005-02-02 18:04:07
Dear Mr. George W. Bush, Do you really think you're a good president? No really. Quit smirking, I'm serious...
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refinance - 2005-06-26 05:38:53

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