Comments:

Dana - 2005-10-04 07:38:20
Gracious! What a way to start the morning! Hope the rest of your day goes better.
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Dalek - 2005-10-04 07:43:06
man... i feel for you dude. i hate it when that happens to me!
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Chunk - 2005-10-04 07:46:48
You could have taken a seat on the shitter, wiped you nose and rubbed your eye. Wouldn't have been as funny tho'...
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connex - 2005-10-04 07:47:46
Could have been worse, at least your ass didn't want a piece of the action as well.
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BigPimpinMBA - 2005-10-04 08:38:46
Throw in a case of Irratable Bowel Syndrome and I think you've hit for the cycle.
Hope the rest of your day is slightly better.
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IV:XX - 2005-10-04 08:55:20
What? That's NOT supposed to happen everyday?
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steph - 2005-10-04 09:01:18
Never, never lean backwards to stop a nosebleed. You can choke on your own blood. Probably not a fun way to die. Lean forward and pinch. Of course, I'm sure you were 100% coherant at 2 am to think of things like that. :-P
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Squeakzilla - 2005-10-04 09:50:44
Using sound to locate the center of the toilet bowl while peeing in the darj is "piss-dar". My ophthalmologist gave me these cool gel-like eye drops that I put in every night before bed. I awake to well lubed eyes without fail. You must be wired wrong UB, butt clenching does not quell an in-process urine evacuation. I have to resort to a more direct garden-hose method. Maybe it's me.
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sniffable - 2005-10-04 10:05:31
you see? thats why I just go to the balcony when I have to pee mid sleep. If you miss the ledge, its still outside anyways.
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Craig - 2005-10-04 10:17:16
Mind over bladder
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Roger the Swede - 2005-10-04 10:34:53
"Crying, bleeding and urinating all over myself." Sounds like me on my way home from a decent party. :-P (Or... maybe not.)
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robin - 2005-10-04 10:55:14
You shouldn't tip your head back when you have a bloody nose. It just makes the blood go into your stomach and you risk vomiting.
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Barb - 2005-10-04 10:58:13
Oh Bob, no one understands how hard it is to be you. No one understands your pain.
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fifi - 2005-10-04 11:00:48
take yourself to the doctor and get your ass checked out. And your eyeball, while you're there. Didn't Susie tell you that already?
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Steve - 2005-10-04 12:48:42
After that whole tuxedo shop bullshit, i never know whether to believe you anymore. you probably made this shit up just to fill an entry.
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MrsSquidley - 2005-10-04 13:41:42
*pushes Steve out the window and takes her turn in the comments* *notices that sheet splatters alot when pushed out the 3rd floor window and giggles* *clears throat* Sorry bout the mess on yer sidewalk :P anyway... minus the blood and you just had a good preview of what it's like to be really friggin old!
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Urine - 2005-10-04 13:43:48
A lot of trouble mister.
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kaleigh - 2005-10-04 13:51:49
You got a lot of problems... What's the bloody nose about?... You should probably go get that checked out... Speaking as a nurse... But don't mind me... Just sayin'...
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cd - 2005-10-04 13:51:56
is that any different than a normal day??
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DanjerusKurves - 2005-10-04 14:01:30
Crying, covered in blood, and peeing? Sounds just like a newborn baby! Next time, dahling, try SITTING DOWN to pee. I won't tell anybody, I promise.
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Meany - 2005-10-04 14:37:43
I can sympathize, and that's why I'm going to point and laugh at you now -- HA HA HA! HAAAAA! Because that shit SUCKS.
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GhostOfSteve - 2005-10-04 14:56:47
Mrs. Squidley, I will haunt you for the rest of your life.
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westburian - 2005-10-04 16:46:39
you taking blood thinners or a lot of aspirin, or both ????? Cheer up, I tripped on a rug last weekend and sprained an ankle and fell forward onto a glass coffee table and chipped a tooth. I'll gladly trade that for a little eye irritation and a bloody nose any day. Get yourself checked out though, bloody noses in the middle of the night is not normal.
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The Boy - 2005-10-04 17:39:39
Twenty Fifth!!... suck dudes, ever figure out WHY your nose was bleeding? because that's... um a problem
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Nance - 2005-10-04 17:44:39
I vote for UB having allergies (it's officially Fall, you know, even if he does live in Alabama), hence the eyeball irritation and the nose bleed. As for the peeing on himself. . .um. . .can't comment on that, as I'm a laugh-so-hard-I-wet-my-pants kinda woman.
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The Doctor - 2005-10-04 19:43:58
seriously, UB, come visit my office NOW. Piercing pain in the eye and a bloody nose? can you say brain hemorrage? If you think those of us who are concerned are overreacting, ask yourself this: if andrew told you his eye hurt and was crying with pain from it and blood began gushing from his nose, would you have sent him back to bed or would you and susie have been hauling ass to the ER?
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Chris -The Original Chris - 2005-10-04 19:59:45
WOW! I agree w/the Doc, poor guy...***get better vibes***
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Jill - 2005-10-04 20:07:18
OH man!!! I am CRYING! That was the most hilarious thing I've read in YEARS. The mental imagery was PRICELESS. I would pay many, MANY dollars to see that shit! Oh sweet jesus, can you imagine that GOLD being on camera???!!! I love it. Good show Uncle Bob, good frickin' show.
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Jill - 2005-10-04 21:07:39
For me, the best part was when "Something has gotten between my pee and the shower floor." and I totally imagined that ANDREW had somehow gotten between your pee and the shower floor!
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Confuzzled - 2005-10-04 21:08:14
If it was only one eye that hurt, unless you're a pirate, you still had one good eye right? So all this stumbling about seems a bit ridiculous. Unless both of your eyes were in pain ... well then that makes the story more believable. Or maybe you're just a drama queen and like exaggerating in those situations... If so....I send my condolences to your wife.
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i'm lovin' it - 2005-10-05 00:01:42
these comments are as good as if not better than ub's entry. hahahaha to all of you.
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Jessica - 2005-10-05 00:40:19
Jill, me too. I thought UB peed on Andrew.
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NetMom - 2005-10-21 13:45:10
My thought was - I don't remember him having a house pet that could get in the way. Brought on entirely by the memory of a cat who didn't move fast enough late one night when he was drinking from the toilet and I woke up urgently needing to tinkle.
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