Comments:

Kat - 2005-11-02 07:57:41
Happy Birthday, Andrew!!!
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chedderfish - 2005-11-02 08:28:06
Did you get the winnie the pooh doll too? - You could always use that as a prize for "The Game".
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Erika - 2005-11-02 08:34:24
Good grief, could these kids grow up any faster?!? Happy Birthday Andrew!
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arf - 2005-11-02 08:47:16
Good Christ! What do you say to someone who walks in your office and announces their bowel habits like that?!?! Talk about a conversation stopper. Are you sure you don't work at the Springfield nuclear power plant? Oh, thanks for the toy tip! I just "one clicked" it (that is SOOO dangerous a feature, like they didn't know that - damned impulsive shopping!) for my 2 youngest boys, about to turn 4 and 5 in just a couple weeks. Dunno how I'll explain their "Uncle Bob" recommended it ["We have an Uncle Bob? Is he the one doing time?" "Um, maybe."], but I'll find a way. I'm sure my wife will hate me for buying it, but I'll just "Uncle Bob" her too.
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Andy - 2005-11-02 09:04:34
The easiets way to diagnios feces is the taste. If it tastes salty then chances are the culprit was a male, and under the age of 35. If it's more sweet, then it's probably a male over the age of 35. That can help you narrow the field. Additionaly, look for corn and other undigested material and reference that back to your suspects recent diets. Now, note the odor, an acrid smell would indicate a diet high in protien, while a mushy, musky smell would indicate a diet with an unusally high ratio of unsaturated fats. So remember: T.L.S: Taste, Look, Smell.

The more you know...
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Barb - 2005-11-02 09:46:49
Thank you Andy. I will use this knowledge wisely.
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Andy - 2005-11-02 09:50:56
Barb, use this knoweldge only for good, and not for evil. With great knoweldge, comes greater responsibility.
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Ter - 2005-11-02 09:51:20
Happy birthday Andrew!
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Anne - 2005-11-02 10:12:15
UB...isn't 5 a marvelous age?!? (/sarcasm) Our kids are 11 days apart. Happy Birthday Andrew!
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Fuzzy The Little - 2005-11-02 10:39:31
Happy birthday Andrew! Wow. Time flies. I remember the announcement that Suzie was pregnant, I can't believe that was so long ago!!
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Digitalsoap - 2005-11-02 12:11:21
That's a pretty badass present. I woulda killed for one of those when I was 5.
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Lauren - 2005-11-02 12:45:10
So essentially you bought your kid a giant vibrator. Wanna be MY daddy?
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Barb - 2005-11-02 13:09:04
For Andy... (and everyone else) Man arrested for sprinkling fecal matter on pastries October 26, 2005 http://www.team4news.com/global/story.asp?s=4029330&ClientType=Printable A Dallas cab driver is, according to this story, in big trouble for getting caught on tape sprinkling dried feces on pastries. 49-year-old Behrouz Nahidmobarekeh is on trial for allegedly throwing fecal matter on pastries at a Fiesta grocery store. Police said they found a pile of human feces by his bed. Officials were cited as saying he would dry it, either by microwave or just letting it sit out and grate it up with a cheese grater and then sprinkle it at the store. Neither attorneys in the case is clear about a motive or why the defendant would resort to something so repulsive. Prosecutors will show a surveillance videotape of the defendant, which shows him sprinkling a substance on the food. The FBI arrested Nahidmobarekeh but turned the case over to local prosecutors after they determined it was not a national security issue.
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vitamin c - 2005-11-02 13:11:48
I am glad I have figured out to NOT read your entry while I am eating lunch anymore. HB Andrew! My Carter is turning 5 tomorrow!
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Perry Como's German Crack Whore - 2005-11-02 13:28:21
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDREW!! Your daddy totally rawks! Lauren, darnit, you beat me to it. Considering whose bitch I am, I'm not used to being second to the punch. Re: Mr. Shit Soup guy, make a sash for him to wear, a la Miss America, that says "I Can't Clean Up My Own Shit" and present it to him with balloons and a cake. Chocolate, of course. Have everyobdy in the office surround his cubicle and applaud.
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DanjerusKurves - 2005-11-02 14:50:25
I wouldn't mind having a vibrating toy that I could ride around the house.
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fifi - 2005-11-02 15:07:32
Isn't it amazing how the most interesting thing about some people, is how often/much/bizarre/smelly they have shat? Makes you proud to be human!
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Squeakzilla - 2005-11-02 15:47:39
Andy - Master of Scatological Tongue-fu (and I mean that with the highest respect)! Happy Birthday Andrew!!
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Behrouz Nahidmobarekeh - 2005-11-02 15:51:25
Eat shit and DIE!!!
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Arheddis Varkenjaab - 2005-11-02 16:46:49
drying, grinding, and sprinkling feces in pastry cabinets is my new favorite hobby! I'll start by shitting in my file cabinet in a bit.
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I want a scream machine - 2005-11-02 19:20:02
Fuck, making your own kite out of newspaper and twigs used to be a treat.
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Jamie - 2005-11-02 19:48:04
What a sweetassed present! I had such crappy toys when I was a kid.
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