Comments:

rs536-2000 - 2006-07-28 16:56:42
I'm very sorry.
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Erika - 2006-07-28 17:02:23
Words cannot convey how my heart reaches out to your family right now. I am so, so very sorry. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
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Rora - 2006-07-28 17:05:04
Im so sorry. Reading this blog has got me into tears. God be with you and your family during this time.
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Lauren - 2006-07-28 17:05:53
I'm very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family. When my grandmas both died, I did the exact same thing you're doing. It feels strange, like you're doing everything but what you should be. I think it's a natural response to a shock like that. It's the only way one can survive. You stuggle through to do some everyday things and when the time comes, you'll grieve.
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David - 2006-07-28 17:06:38
Uncle Bob -- I'm crying at your loss, the loss of my own Uncle Bob (my dad's younger brother, who died earlier this year after a prolonged brawl with cancer) and at the shocking ability that we humans have to continue moving forward against pure insanity in our faces. Know that all of us who have delighted in your joys, giggled with your adventures and shared your pain -- anonymously but intensely a community -- wish you only a peaceful cleansing time of mourning. Beyond that, you already know in your heart that Andrew has a specialness that will shine through; that your family will provide the strongest ingredient in helping to shape his life in the most positive ways possible. Peace and heartfell condolences! David
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Heather - 2006-07-28 17:12:00
I'm so, so sorry for your loss.
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Susan - 2006-07-28 17:12:57
I'm so sorry about your mom's death. I'm sorry that Andrew will grow up to be a bit different than other kids. And I'm so so sorry you have to go through such tough times. Sometimes it helps to talk to people you don't know. Maybe blogging will help. People care about you. Take care.
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Kim - 2006-07-28 17:16:44
Wow. I have no words except to say I am sorry you have lost your Mom. I am sorry you are dealing with so much righ now with your son.
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Jas - 2006-07-28 17:28:14
It sounds stupid to say now, but Andrew will be fine. You know that he has a problem, and you are going to get him the help he needs. There will be some time learning about what he needs, but eventually everything will fall into place and you'll have a support system, both for him and for you and your wife. I'm very, very sorry about your mother. Things will get better there, too. My grandfather died of lung cancer, and it was painful to see. Don't feel stupid about going to do the little things that need to be done. Sticking with your "normal" routine will help you get through the grieving process.
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Kimberly - 2006-07-28 17:28:56
Uncle Bob - I'm truly sorry for your loss. My father passed away February 14, 2004 from Lung Cancer - he was 60. My last moments with him, were hours after he passed away in ICU. I was trying to convince his grieving wife that, yes, he was truly gone and that they needed to move him. She finally ran out of the room and I was left there alone with him. Oddly enough I still felt like he was in the room with me telling me everything would be okay. Years ago, my now 11 yr old son was tagged Autistic then later ADD and medication was suggested. I followed what was in my heart. No medication for him. He is in his 5th year of Pop Warner Football and a great player - in the Spring a pretty decent Baseball player too. He is in the Gifted and Talented program and reads at a level most Adults cannot comprehend. By most accounts he still would be considered "quirky" and sometimes his best friend is our dog - but I wouldn't change a thing about him. He is the kindest, most compassionate, intelligent, funniest, 11 yr old I have ever met. "What's 'normal' anyway?". You're in my thoughts and prayers. Kim
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Fran - 2006-07-28 17:30:33
David has said it all. As many times as I've spit at my monitor with laughter, today I shed as many tears for you. Know this, life goes on in a sensible way and the pain diminishes as daily life begins to comfort you again, and it will.
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Rain_King - 2006-07-28 17:31:40
Normal doesn't exsist. Andrew is perfectly Andrew. I am perfectly me, and you are perfectly you. There is no real definition of what normal is, so how can we define it? I lost my Grandfather 2 weeks ago to lung cancer as well. 30 years since he smoked a pipe, but it caught up to him... I was just glad to have some time with him in the Hospital a couple days before hand, to see him and laugh one last time. He was diagnosed 2 weeks before he died though... Come back when you feel better UB.
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CK - 2006-07-28 17:37:08
I've never posted a comment here, but have been a long time UB reader. Usually you make me laugh, sometimes you piss me off, but today you brought tears to my eyes. I lost my grandma to cancer 2 years ago in October and I still don't think I've really "dealt" with it. We all grieve in our own way. IF you feel you need to busy yourself, busy yourself. Allow yourself to feel everything you're feeling without the added pressures of "I should be feeling this" or "I should be doing that". Take your time to heal. My thoughts & prayers are with you.
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sinnamon - 2006-07-28 17:38:03
I'm so sorry UB. I am glad that you got to see your Mom one last time, laughing and joking around. I love you to pieces guy and now that you would ask, but if you need anything, you know how to get me.
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Kathy - 2006-07-28 17:45:57
About Andrew: Autistic tendencies - probably just like Bill Gates has. Dang! Poor Andrew! Poor, someday to be rich Andrew! About your mom: I'm so sorry UB. Having lost my dad 19 years ago (he was only 63) and my big brother 11 years ago (when he was only 41), I've had more than my fair share of people close to me who have died and I can understand the shock you're going through. It's a bitch and I just don't understand how the rest of the world can go on behaving as though nothing happened. Just do whatever makes you feel human. If you need to go to work, go to work. If not, don't. Just make sure to reach out to your dad as often as possible. Time will help out. Although I miss my dad and my big brother every damn day. My hugs to you.
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Connie - 2006-07-28 18:24:47
Ditto what Kimberly and Kathy said. I am so sorry.
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Pamela - 2006-07-28 18:26:10
I'm so terribly sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I hope that your good memories will provide you with some solace. Please know that my thoughts (and those of so many others) are with you and your family.
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Weetabix - 2006-07-28 18:39:52
I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that my thoughts are with you, Susie, Andrew and your family.
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deborah - 2006-07-28 19:02:21
David really said what I would like to say only he did it better. And a quote from Rain King: Normal doesn't exsist. Andrew is perfectly Andrew. I am perfectly me, and you are perfectly you. That's so very true - hold on to it. I hope you can take comfort in the fact that there are a lot of people thinking about you and your family. Take care, Uncle Bob.
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Mark P. - 2006-07-28 19:05:32
Know that our thoughts are with you. Losing a loved one is never easy. My grandmother, who basically raised me, passed away in 1998 - and I still miss her every day. You will be okay. Take care of yourself and your family.
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veralynn - 2006-07-28 19:20:37
So sorry. Take it easy on yourself with expectations on yourself about how you "should" be behaving/dealing with your mom's loss. There is no right way to go through it. Likely there'll be a big, messy mix of times being distracted, being upset, feeling normal, wanting distraction and routine, wanting escape and looping all around through the whole mix. Just do what you need to do. As for Andrew, it sounds like you have a couple of good leads on alternate schools. Follow your gut and I'm sure you'll find a spot that will be really good for him. Good luck.
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Kimberly K. - 2006-07-28 19:23:11
I am so sorry about the loss of your mom. My heart hurts for you. Kim
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z. - 2006-07-28 19:27:18
I'm sorry for your loss. You have make me laugh, gasp and today cry with your writing. And even when we will never met, be certain that I'm thinking of you and your family.
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anna - 2006-07-28 19:38:25
all the brightest and best to you UB. it will all be ok. really. and i've found that sometimes, talking to people you don't know is often the best therapy.
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Dawn - 2006-07-28 19:50:04
UB - You don't have to be funny for your readers to love you. I am sorry about your loss.
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Jo - 2006-07-28 20:06:55
UB So sorry for the loss of your mom. Grieve the way that feels right to you, just stay in touch with your feelings. And Andrew will always be the light in your life no matter how he shines.
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julieu - 2006-07-28 21:01:02
Uncle Bob-it's ok to be lost. Being a grown-up really sucks sometimes. Sure we can drive and watch porn but sometimes God yanks the rug out from underneath us and makes us think. There are few raw-er emotions than grief. Grieve for your mom, grieve for that ideal that is a 'normal child' and then rejoice that you had time with your mom, that she's not in pain and that your boy will be exactly what he's destined to be. Nothin' but good wishes and prayers...
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Pattypat - 2006-07-28 21:09:57
Uncle Bob, I'm so sorry.
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greenwitch - 2006-07-28 21:30:20
I'm so sorry for you loss. Do what feels right to you in your grieving although nothing will feel quite right for quite a while. Andrew is who he is and labels are just labels that professionals get paid to divvy out. Nurture the kid and all will be well.
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Buckeye - 2006-07-28 21:34:44
I don't have anything profound to say, but I'm really sorry about your mom. You'll be in my thoughts.
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sam - 2006-07-28 21:56:07
You're doing what people do -- letting them know you're in pain and reaching out for help. Keep doing it. And ditto what people have said -- I am sorry for your loss, and wish you and your son all the best.
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Kyara - 2006-07-28 22:02:51
I've never posted here before, but I've read your blog every day since Andrew was an infant. I just wanted to let you know that today I'm thinking of you. You have my condolences.
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WifeMotherMe - 2006-07-28 22:05:06
Oh I am just so sorry.
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Spamminator - 2006-07-28 22:30:49
Sometimes life just kicks you in the balls and keeps on kicking. I know because my pops smoked hisself to death a few years back, and also because I drive a Ford. But sooner or later life's foot gets tired of smashing your balls and moves on to flattening someone else's genitalia. You just have to be tougher than the foot. Jesus helps me.
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Ella - 2006-07-28 22:49:25
Don't feel bad about continuing as normal. Everyone grieves differently, and your way is just fine. Just know that it's okay to breakdown. Many friends of mine have had their parents or their friends pass away and I've never known what was I'm supposed to say that might symbolise their pain, but I've listened a lot. I know it hurts very much, it hurts. I'm sorry you're in pain. Share your pain with your family, because they will understand what you are feeling like no one else can. Talk to your mother like she's here, the same way someone might talk to their God. Many people are thinking of you.
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Roxcy - 2006-07-28 23:53:40
Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come to you. Grieving for a loved one takes a really long time. Try really hard not to shut out those that love you, but let them understand you need some time to yourself to sort things out. It's good you've finally got a definitive diagnosis for Andrew. There are tons of programs that will assist all of you in coping with his deficits and encouraging his talents. Hang in there and know that you have an invisible support system whenever you need us.
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Dweeble - 2006-07-29 00:07:16
In my real life, I'm a thoracic (chest) surgeon, and I have taken care of scores of people with lung cancer, many of whom ultimately die. But, like you, I have not yet had anyone truly close to me die. Still, for what little it is worth, and I'm sure it is worth very little, I have a good guess as to what caused your mother's sudden death, and it was likely so sudden as to have caused relatively limited suffering. I know that's not much, but that's all I have. I certainly wish you my best! As to your son, I have even less to give. My wife and Ihave three sons, and while we sometimes wonder a bit at the social akwardness of our middle son, he is quite bright, loving, and will do well in the world. Autism is a spectrum of thought and behavior, as I'm sure you know, and while our middle boy may be at the far ("good") end of the spectrum, the son of one of our old friends is way at the other end. He is so far withdrawn into his world that his parents, in their understandable and admirable efforts to help, have almost withdrawn as much from their former social world as their son. Again, I've got nothing here, but as a fellow father of sons, I celebrate your joys and wish to encourage you in the challenges that lie ahead. As to the which school to pick, I'd suggest going with your gut, as I think you and your wife likely have a very good idea about what your boy needs. My best!
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Elisha - 2006-07-29 01:35:37
You'll get through it. It won't be easy, but you will. Isn't it funny how easy it is to pour your heart out to complete strangers? Your mother knew she was loved, and that's what matters, not her less-than-desirable last moment of life. All you can do now is love Andrew and cherish your wife, and get through this. You're in my prayers.
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FairyGodMum - 2006-07-29 02:47:16
My prayers are with you and your family. Words could not possibly express the wonders of life. But, in my buddhist priestly manner... we know that we live on forever. And that we all come together in the afterlife. May God Bless You and Keep You and Guide Andrew on his exceedingly brilliant path. Hugz n Lub, Bebe da FairyGodMum
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Rita - 2006-07-29 02:50:57
There are no words to ease this pain. I lost my own dear mother just over two years ago. She lived the last 15 months of her life with my husband and I, after the death of my father. All I know is...anything good that I am is because of her, and I must live my life as her legacy. Time helps, but it doesn't take the "mom-shaped hole" in your heart completely away. You will always miss her, but you will always have her there,too, as you nurture and love your own precious child as she did you. As for Andrew--he is lucky in so many ways. High intelligence, loving and capable parents with resources, and the many strides that have been made in Autism research. My niece's little boy (turned six in June) is in the same boat...and he is bright, funny, adorable, and a treasure. Dealing with him is "different" than dealing with the majority of boys his age, but once that is understood, life is good for him and his parents. I feel sure it will be for you and your wife and son, too. As for "not knowing what to do"--you do as your mom would have wanted you to do for the next several days or weeks. You "take care of what needs doing" insofar as services, etc., are concerned. You take care of your health, and your family. You comfort your father. At some point, you give in and let your grief overwhelm you to the point of paralysis (cry, if you're a man who can, or do whatever you do) and then you go back to doing what you need to do. In just over three years I have lost both my parents and my mother-in-law. I know the ropes. Holler if you have a question. Rita
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Karen - 2006-07-29 05:29:58
Oh, Uncle Bob...it seems as if the world should stop for a bit. The mail is still delivered, cars still get caught up in the commute, people go shopping, etc. You put your feelings quite eloquently. Those of us who've lost (for wont of a better word) loved ones, know the void you're experiencing. It does get better. That being said, there will come a time when you can smile, remembering how she gave you the finger...you will laugh again. Honest. I know you and Mrs. UB will pull together to find the best place for Andrew. All of the people responding to this entry are wishing they could give you a heartfelt hug...I know I am.
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anenigma - 2006-07-29 08:05:21
Everything will be okay. Let me know if there's anything I can do.
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Amy - 2006-07-29 08:10:19
Uncle Bob, I am so profoundly sorry for the loss of your mother.
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BlooEye - 2006-07-29 08:58:36
I'm so sorry for your loss. As a medic I see this kind of thing alot and I never know quite what to say to the family. I know there's nothing I can say to make you feel better. Your post will definitely make me take even more care with my future patients though.
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Dana - 2006-07-29 09:26:32
I'm so sorry about the los of your mother. Don't beat up yourself by trying to determine how you should act or react in this situation. As for Andrew, you and your wife are doing everything to acknowledge his differences (which I wish more parents would do) and build upon his strengths. Sounds like he'll be a-okay! :)
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Grizmom - 2006-07-29 09:52:56
I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't think you're ever ready emotionally for losing your parents. I've lost both of mine now. Mom's was "expected" as she too had lung cancer. Dad's was a shock, having died from a stroke. Either way, they're gone. My reactionw as much like yours. Go on, get on with your day, your life. Keep busy. I think that's a normal reaction. You'll float along in a fog for a few days before you really start to accept that this will have to become a new kind of normal. You can't go back, and she wouldn't really want you to. She's whole and well again, walking on streets of gold. I am also sorry that your son has potentially huge struggles ahead of him. I can't even relate to how that must feel or be as a parent. But all of us that read and love Uncle Bob, we'll be here. You pour your heart and soul and worry and sadness and laughter out to us any time. Give yourself some time. Time to grieve, time to be angry, time to think and time to remember.
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Amber - 2006-07-29 10:03:45
I, too, am sorry for your loss. My father has the beginning stages of lung cancer now. I also have a special needs child. She, like Andrew, looks perfectly "normal" but has a myelin disorder that causes severe developmental delay. We do our best to treat her like our other children. You'll find what works best for you and your family.
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Kat - 2006-07-29 10:47:42
Sorry for your loss. My son has cerebral palsy and I remember when he was diagnosed I felt like I was stuck in one place while the world spun out of control. I imagine it must be a million times worse for you right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you right now. Like Amber says, it's going to take time but you will find the path that works best for your family. One consolation that I have is that we live in this time of science and technological advancement, it never ceases to amaze me how modern medicen has been able to adapt and absorb the new discoveries and use them to help our children.
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OrsimBlossim - 2006-07-29 10:59:06
Damn. When it rains it pours. It always sucks so lose someone, and it's ten times harder when it happens that suddenly. (Even when you know it's coming, it still is possible for the moment to come unexpectedly.)
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Jeremy - 2006-07-29 12:33:16
wow....i don't know what to say. I'll pray for you and your family, UB. sorry for your loss.
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humungus - 2006-07-29 12:44:36
While you may not know us... many of us feel that we know you through your writings. And right now, many hearts are with you and your family. Perhaps through this you can know us.

I don't have the words, but I do have the prayers. I will pray that time will lessen the memory of your pain, but never the memory of your mother.

Humungus
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IbePiglet - 2006-07-29 13:12:42
Jesus, that was the saddest thing I've read. Raw and honest and sad. I'm sorry for your pain and hope that soon you will be able to NOT have a "normal" day and you can express your grief and anger over your losses. Yes, being told you child is different is a loss of sorts. I am an autism specialist, "autistic tendancies" is a crappy lable, a cop-out diagnosis. You have been aware of Andrew's difficulties from early on as you've shared here. Bless you and your family, and my prayers are with you all today.
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Wishypants - 2006-07-29 14:36:15
UB, I am so very sorry for your loss. I know that right now seems like a terrible time, but your faith and family will help this to pass. You (and your family) are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Argentum - 2006-07-29 17:15:20
My sincere condolences. I know you have the strength and wisdom for what lays ahead, I can only wish that grace be with you on your path.
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Fuzzy Grey - 2006-07-29 17:26:43
What they all said... and also, when it finally hits you, it's going to be similar to, perhaps, a nuclear bomb. Let it go, let it all out, and for God's sake, let your wife help you through it. You need those close to you more than ever now, and though your tendency might be towards pulling in and pushing everyone away, let your family help heal you. Good luck. (Also, if you've ever tried to be on the path to enlightenment, times of loss are when most people find the oneness in being, if you're into that kind of thing.)
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Lesley - 2006-07-29 18:15:58
Bob, I'm really sorry that your mom died so suddenly and without warning. This is the hardest kind of death to take. My mom died of cancer three four years ago and I still struggle with the loss and what she suffered through. I'm glad you're mom is no longer suffering, but I'm sorry you're separated like this. Know she's with you, though, and we are too.
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Lesley - 2006-07-29 18:20:54
and I'm embarrassed and ashamed I typed 'you're' when I should have typed 'your'
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Penny - 2006-07-29 19:52:10
I can almost begin to imagine the hurt & numbness you must be feeling right now. I have a VERY large family, and unfortunately, another relative dying is always in the cards. I've been to way too many funerals. Just promise yourself that you will allow the emotion to come out when you get through the shock. Don't hold it in or internalize it. The quicker you can embrace those emotions & the whirlwind of feelings that are sure to come, the sooner you can find peace within that whirlwind. This sounds silly, I'm sure, but it's what helps me to get through the death of my loved ones. I am so sorry that you've had such a hard time recently. You have so many friends here who support you 100%. Lean on us like we have leaned on you. We love you.
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Anna Kate - 2006-07-29 20:52:26
Your son will be fine. The doctor's told my parents the same thing about me- everything worked out. Most autistic people are smart as hell. I know what it's like to lose a mother. I found my mother dead when I was freshly 21. (I'm 23 now) That kind of pain is hard to cope with- but just do whatever it is that you need to do. Don't beat yourself up for accomplishing necessary tasks instead of packing. Let yourself be. My thoughts are with you and yours.
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Priss - 2006-07-29 21:55:12
Your son is just a smart boy, and that's definitely okay. He does need a school where his abilities are challenged and he won't be bored. (Bored kids drop out, and that would suck.) Would your mother want you to continue living your life? In a perfect world, I'd like to think that all mothers want that for their children. You either wait until you're ready to grieve, or you help arrange things for her funeral. Be there for the right people, and keep the turds at a good extra arm's distance for your pops.
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malvie - 2006-07-29 22:41:43
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and the difficulties you will face with your son. My thoughts are with you.
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Mari - 2006-07-29 22:51:16
I am deeply sorry for your loss and I can't begin to fathom what you're feeling because we all deal with death differently. My mom was also very sick and died in my arms 5 years ago, and watching her take her last breath still haunts me to this very day. I had a hard time dealing with her death, but now 5 years later, I am handling it better, even though I still miss her, she'll always be in my heart, and so will yours. Time heals and grieving is nothing to be embarrassed about, it's an emotion we, as humans will experience at one time in our lives. Take comfort in the fact that she is no longer in pain and I do believe that she will never be very far from you spiritually. A spirit never dies. As for your son, he'll be just fine. My nephew was diagnosed with a form of autism when he was 2. His brain did not process information as fast it should, and he never spoke a word until he was 4, but education on these matters in today's world is amazing. My nephew was in childhood intervention classes when he was 2 1/2 and today at 13 years old, he's incredibly intelligent for his age. A little quirky in a geeky sort of way, but that's just him. We love him that way and so do his friends. I believe Andrew will be the same way. He'll have his own unique personality, just like the rest of the world. Special education schools will only help him develop his intelligence. Mari
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awittykitty - 2006-07-29 23:31:48
Its okay if you want to talk to us about stuff. We're here even if we're only cyber friends. :-)
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realchild - 2006-07-30 00:23:22
You're going to take a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other. That is what you are going to do.
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Pat - 2006-07-30 00:36:48
I'm sorry. Thank you for your openness. My mother died 10 years ago and I felt that I was now basically on my own, even with caring family and friends. My best wishes are with you. Pat
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vitamin c - 2006-07-30 01:13:20
I am so sorry to hear of all of this, ub. I cannot put my thoughts into words as well as the rest so I won't even attempt. Just know that I am one of many who is holding you up in this difficult time....
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Molly - 2006-07-30 04:08:53
I'm crying for you...
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Jenn - 2006-07-30 09:05:00
You'll find your way...but do what you feel you need to in the meantime!
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Germaine - 2006-07-30 10:46:13
I'm so sorry for your loss. Just so you know, there's a girl in Singapore sending good wishes to you and yours.
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dd - 2006-07-30 13:15:38
UB, you have some eyes crying for you, apparently. I can't imagine what you're going through, but I hope you have as many people in real life to see you through as you have online.
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Snickelfritz - 2006-07-30 13:37:49
((((((((((((((Uncle Bob))))))))))))))))) Everyone else has said it all. I can only add that I'm so sorry, my deepest sympathies are with you and your family for the loss of your mother. My prayers are with you. Your son, I have no advice to offer, except that I think with a little help, he will make his way in this world. I hope your pain eases soon. I also think you are grieving, you just don't know it yet. I wish you and your family the best.
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pjc - 2006-07-30 14:25:58
UB, I can't pretend to understand or know what you are going through right now. But know that you have my deepest sympathy and prayers on the loss of your mother, and your struggle as you help your son find his niche in the world.
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Pam - 2006-07-30 15:50:06
UB, I can only add to the condolences of other strangers, not realy ease your pain. But I felt your pain and loss in what you wrote. I'm sorry. I cried for your mom and sent you a hug.
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Jennifer - 2006-07-30 16:23:41
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
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erin - 2006-07-30 18:19:45
There is, of course, nothing to be said to ease losing your mom. However, with regard to Andrew, I can tell you that--as a teacher--some of the best and brightest children that I deal with have been diagnosed with autism. The sooner it's discovered, the sooner everyone can learn to work with it, and with the proper accomodations, Andrew can still succeed in his own way. Like someone else said, there is really no normal. Andrew will work and excel to his own level of normal, and that's okay.
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Lora - 2006-07-30 19:12:25
God bless you and your family, Uncle Bob.
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Gene - 2006-07-30 21:08:07
you know.... i was tagged with the term ADHD years ago... they put me on medication,(ritalin) made me follow routines,and watched me so closely to the point where i didnt get a normal social life until i walked out and ended up in the group home at 17.i ,also am a very good reader. while this has fallen off a bit in recent year as i havent been reading quite so much with the addition of a job nd bills in my life,i didnt learn to read until i wa in the 2nd grade.the other children were reading at this time,and some fairly well. one day my mother set me down withthe sunday comics,and told me i was going to learn to read. then she left. i learned to read with the sunday comics,by myself. dont know how i did it,but i did. history shows us with the greats... that they were the "slow ones" of their own times,most never acheiving greatness in their own life times,but acheiving it instead with the works they left behind.these men were onsidered "special" and would have been most likely tagged adhd,and put on ritalin,or some other thing...generally,a late bloomer willbe much more appreciative,and voracious at whatever the thing may be... id say your son will be more then fine,hell shine.just make sure never to treat him differently. that would leave scars that would never fully heal,and irreperably change your sons life. also,my grandmother passed away earlier this year.shed been diagnosed with lung cancer,and given 6 years tops to live.she lasted less then six. one morning she was the irritating,spunky,feisty woman we all loved,and the next she was just gone from us.i did the same things your doing... i went to work,albeit with a nasty attitude,handled my day to day buiseness,and ent on about my life,shedding mebbe tn tears the whole time.it wasnt until the memorial that i broke.ive had relatives pass away be4,who hasnt. but this woman knew me better then anyone,and in fact inrtoduced me to the woman im now to marry.while she was a pain in the ass most all the time,she was the dearest woman ive ever known.i feel for your los,and know intimately the feelings you have. just never feel guilty for not feeling enough...it will come in time.my condolences my friend.
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Nicole - 2006-07-30 21:30:44
I am so sorry for you loss Uncle Bob. Take care
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Moosehunter - 2006-07-31 05:37:20
Nothing I san say to make any of it feel better but I can give you my condolences, my thoughts and support and the hope for Andrew to succeed beyond expectations, not below them. Take care. Simon.
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Lucy - 2006-07-31 07:34:55
Oh, what a terribly awful time you're having. I am so very sorry for your loss. I do have a feeling that your son, with you as his father, will be just fine.
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Carolyn - 2006-07-31 09:21:45
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing.
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Karen - 2006-07-31 09:29:17
We may be people you don't know, will never meet but we are your friends. People that have grown to care about you and people that look forward to you sharing your life with us. Just know that all these people that you don't know and will probably never meet are sharing your pain and extending our sympathies. I'm sorry about your Mother.
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Ang - 2006-07-31 09:59:31
Now that I"ve wiped my tears and can see the computer screen again, I just wanted to send my sympathies. I cannot imagine going through the loss of a parent -- my kids have; but I still have mine. It's got to be one fo the hardest things a person will ever go through. Hang in there, UB. Hug that cute kid of yours and seek comfort from your wife. You will get past it, but it's gonna take time. We're all pulling for you.
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zoot - 2006-07-31 11:06:22
5, 10 years down the road it will feel like just yesterday that she passed away. Grief is never easy to handle, I pray you come through it okay. With the right help in school your boy will grow up to be a stable and fine man. Don't worry.
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Patty - 2006-07-31 12:16:18
I am so sorry. There is not a thing about life that I understand.
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beez - 2006-07-31 12:49:28
Hang in there Uncle Bob, we love you.
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Nance - 2006-07-31 14:08:08
Don't know what else I can say that hasn't been said. You know there are a lot of "strangers" out here who care about you. Sorry for the loss of your Mother. Only time will heal your pain. As for Andrew, he's a wonderful, incredible boy, who has special qualities and gifts. He'll find his way, especially with the love and support of his parents.
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Jake - 2006-07-31 15:10:21
So sorry, Bob.
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Jer - 2006-07-31 15:14:31
My thoughts go out to you and your family in this time of need. And may you find great comfort in knowing that even "strangers" care.
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helen - 2006-07-31 15:48:46
Hi, You don't know me (I guess, I'm considered a creeper - though I'm not too enthused with that label, however, I have been reading your journal for some time and have never left you a note - I am sorry about that). I understand what you are going through. I lost my father almost 5 years ago to ALS, he wasn't quite 60. It is a terrible ordeal to lose someone you have loved from the moment you came into this life. Everyone reacts differently to loss in their life. For me, as time has passed, I think more and more about my father, however, it has become less painful and more joyful to have his memories so close. I hope that this happens for you as well. Regarding your son; my best friend has a son, David, he is 10.5 years old and he was diagnosed with autistic like tendencies about 7 years ago. He has bloomed from all the love and support he has received from his family and friends. He too is gifted. A few years back, I read a book called "A curious incident of the dog in the night-time" by Mark Haddon - it is a fantastic book about a dad and his son who has Asperger's Syndrome (a form of autism). The book is fantastic, it is written from the son's perspective who is entirely remarkable. I suggest you pick it up and give it a read. Please do accept my condolences, my thoughts are with you.
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Jeff - 2006-07-31 15:48:49
Uncle Bob, I've sent you an e-mail (that I do hope you got) but I figured I'd post in here too. I'll give you the Reader's Digest version in the event that you didn't get the e-mail (or tend to read the comments with more frequency). I'm really sorry to hear about your mom's passing. Losing family is never easy. I've lost three grandparents in my life time, a handful of friends to various reasons and it's not easy. As for Andrew as long as you support him and his abilities and nurture those and help him through the obstacles that he may face with the tough stuff. I have a learning disability and ADD. It's not been easy for me but through my parents help and the help of teachers and other professionals I've learned to cope with the ADD and use my abilities to my advantage and accept the fact that there are some things I have difficulty with. The key is not to get hung up on the negatives. I'm sure Andrew will find his niche!
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Kara - 2006-07-31 16:04:50
I'm so incredibly sorry to hear about your loss and the medical condition that Andrew is facing. I lost my father to cancer three years ago and I know how numbing and surreal it can be. For some reason the sun keeps coming up and people can going about their daily lives although inside you feel as though your world has shut down. I promise that one day your memories of your mother will make you smile and that the hurt will become more bearable. As for as Andrew is concerned: he has two parents who love the heck out of him. You are searching for the best school for him and you and Suzie will no doubt support him and get him all the help he needs. He will find his place in this world and people will be better for having known him.
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Mark - 2006-07-31 16:26:46
UB, our deepest condolences to you and your's. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you.
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Genghis Jon - 2006-07-31 16:41:50
UB, worry about your dad and your family right now, your son is gonna' be fine. I can relate to your son in the fact that I had so many learning disabilities they didn't know what to do with me other than put me in special education classes where they'd find I was smarter than half the facilty, to which I'd be sent back and have problems there to be sent back to special ed...That was back in the 70's of course, schools since you and I were attending have discovered that certain kids learn at different paces, that doesn't make them dumb and they fit in just fine in the world, especially in Alabama (Sorry, I couldn't resist) Your son reads at an eighth grade level at 5, christ, I can't spell at an eighth grade level, cry me a river! You have enough to worry about guiding your family through this rough time, Andrew's gonna be just fine. Trust me.
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Ipek - 2006-07-31 16:57:54
My thoughts are with you.
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Eleanor - 2006-07-31 18:45:42
Peace UB, Peace to you and your family. Do what you feel right doing, as was said above, there is no right way to grieve, and there is no "right" way for a little boy to be. We suffer for trying to stuff kids in a box that doesn't fit everyone. Andrew is wonderful and unique and you all will learn ways to help him grow into that uniquness.
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Eleanor - 2006-07-31 18:48:25
See, I was diagnosed with a learning disability, and the sum total of that today, is that I can't spell "uniqueness."
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Eleanor - 2006-07-31 18:49:09
See, I was diagnosed with a learning disability, and the sum total of that today, is that I can't spell "uniqueness." It will turn out ok for you, because you are a lovong family, and that is what gets us through in the long run.
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Eleanor - 2006-07-31 18:49:26
See, I was diagnosed with a learning disability, and the sum total of that today, is that I can't spell "uniqueness." It will turn out ok for you, because you are a loving family, and that is what gets us through in the long run.
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jess - 2006-07-31 19:49:23
I'm very sorry for your loss. *hug* my sister was diagnosed the same as your son,and you know what? she fits in now better than most "normal kids" he will do great,may need to take some things slow in school but i bet he will do just fine. because he has a loving father. i know you dont know me or anything, but i truely am sorry to hear about all this. if you need anyone to talk to, even a complete stranger im always around.
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Sara - 2006-07-31 19:53:53
My thoughts are with you UB.
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tali - 2006-07-31 22:12:36
I'm so sorry, UB. Please know that my thoughts are with you and your family.
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Allison - 2006-07-31 22:51:29
I'm sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Margherita - 2006-08-01 02:03:33
Thinking of you from New Zealand UB, so sorry about your Mum, and as others have said, Andrew WILL be fine, he's intelligent, just 'different'.... i wonder what great invention or discovery he'll bring to our world!!
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Hoorah - 2006-08-01 02:53:53
My deepest condolences to you and your family in this very difficult time. It sounds so cliched...I'm truly sorry.
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mark - 2006-08-01 03:27:01
I'm sorry Uncle Bob.
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rebecca - 2006-08-01 08:23:43
I am so sorry for your loss.
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mattie gee - 2006-08-01 09:18:03
we thinkin bout you bawby and we miss ya. come home soon and hang in there lil' buddy.
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Barry - 2006-08-01 09:19:50
Heres one of those strangers,with snot and tears flowing on his keyboard,trying to find a few words that might make a difference.There aren't any-I've been lucky too,no real close losses in life either,but its only a matter of time. Hang in there,big guy.Take care of the ones closest to you-they need you now. No magic words from me-just know theres a lot of people feeling right along with you.My condolences.
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Allyson - 2006-08-01 09:41:37
Uncle Bob, I am so sorry. I know that nothing we all can say will actually help, but we are here for you, your loyal readers. Please just keep your happy memories of her alive, and time will soften the blow.
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mocksie - 2006-08-01 09:50:26
I lost my mother 3 months ago. I know that words don't really help, and it never really gets easier, but with time, it gets less hard. I hope the empathy, thoughts, and prayers of all these strangers ease your pain somewhat. My thoughts are with you and your family.
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Mizlizzy - 2006-08-01 11:01:39
Bob, I am so very sorry about your mother. When I read this I cried, but I can't help but think you might have sensed something was coming and started writing in here again right before it did so you could have a support system, and you do, you definitely do. We all love you, whether you are being funny, angry, or as you would say, "boring" but not to us. We love you and by extension, we love Andrew and all of us know in our hearts that with parents like you, he will be more than fine. He will be fabulous. Losing a parent is something that will take time to come to terms with but remember she loved you so much. A mother's love is so amazingly huge and I personally believe it goes on even after they are gone. We are all sending our love and healing vibes to you. xoxo
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stelawho - 2006-08-01 11:10:32
Uncle Bob, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I understand your concerns for Andrew, and my heart goes out to you and your wife. I am sure that you are concerned for his future and had hoped for a smoother path for his life. Be well and take care of your self.
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saidnot - 2006-08-01 11:33:29
I'm saddened to hear all this. It will take a long time to come to terms with the sudden loss of your mother. I still cry when I start thinking about my dad who suddenly passed away 14 years ago. Turn it all over to God. He will show you the best for Andrew if you listen ... but you know that.
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Anna - 2006-08-01 11:52:48
I'm so very, very sorry for your loss.
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Joy - 2006-08-01 13:24:17
I'm so sorry. I've been reading your site forever and have never written, but you moved me today and I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you're back online. Look at this place as an outlet, we are here for you.
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sarah - 2006-08-01 14:11:22
joining the throngs of readers who have never commented. my thoughts are with you.
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Squeakzilla - 2006-08-01 14:35:02
My sympathy goes out to you and your family, but especially to you. Having never experienced a loss this close will leave you zombified for quite awhile. You'll pedal through life day after day watching everything fly past you like a flock of birds until one day, something unexpected, something unbelievably trivial, will touch you in a place you didn't know existed. Once this happens, you'll feel better. You never really get over it (the loss), but you will feel better about it. Peace!
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moee - 2006-08-01 15:14:59
I am so sorry Bob! ***HUGS***
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IshKabibil - 2006-08-01 15:23:03
My deepest sympathy. I'll be praying for you and your family. Your loss is eerily familiar, I'm hugging you tightly...
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Jamie - 2006-08-01 15:56:25
I'm a karate instructor, and the very best kid I've ever seen go through that club started with me. He's the most dedicated and the most talented we have,, and by far the most inspiring. He's autistic. With everything going on right now, you're in my prayers. Nightly.
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Shannon - 2006-08-01 20:47:05
Life is precious- so are you. Reading this reminds me to give those I love that often forgotten kiss in the morning and to remember to say "I love you" last thing at night. Normally when I read Uncle Bob there are hysterical tears of laughter in my eyes... today I cried with you and not because of you. Please take care, take time for yourself and know that this too shall pass.
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bluesleepy - 2006-08-01 21:35:15
*BIG HUGS* on the loss of your mother. I just don't know what else to say. As one of the William and Mary girls who welcomed Andrew into the world, I know how much you and your wife eagerly awaited him. It's hard being different, it must be very hard to have a kid who's different. But he's obviously quite intelligent. Hopefully you can find a school that will look to his strengths... and then when he's the next Bill Gates and rich as all get out, he'll be able to support his parents in their old age! ;o) But seriously.... my thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Natalie - 2006-08-02 09:45:23
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know that nothing anyone says to you will help you during this difficult time in your life. Just know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of everyone who reads your words.
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George - 2006-08-02 09:46:26
I feel for you Uncle Bob. Sometimes life doesn't turn out like you think it will. Hang in there, take it one day at a time, do all the things you normally do and one day it will start to feel normal again. Your a good man, we all apperciate what you do for us here on the web.
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Shelly - 2006-08-02 11:17:46
Long time reader, who just checked in on the off chance you'd resumed writing . . . . Of course you're lost! There's no "right" way to handle all that you've been handed . . . I think that's why there's so much eating around the times of funerals, because it's sort of the only thing people can figure out how or what to do. If doing your normal activities makes you feel more normal, go for it! Things will seem surreal for a while, and then gradually, it will all start to hurt a little less. I hope you can take some comfort in seeing how many people out here in cyberland, most of whom you don't even know, but whose lives you've touched in some way, have the deepest sympathies for you and your family.
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Kathy L - 2006-08-02 14:41:19
My mom died from lung cancer 2 months ago...this grieving is a bitch...but God will give you strength you never knew you had. I'm so very sorry.
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Sus - 2006-08-02 15:24:07
You are doing what you should be doing. Carrying on like it's any other day and pouring your heart out to anyone who will listen. Keep on keeping on as they say and do what you can to grieve. Think about her talk about her. You will always miss her, but the pain won't be constant. After five years the lump in my throat can still rise, the tears threaten. But when I question something I am about to do, I think WWMD? smile and know she lives on. My "prayers" are with you.
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Omear - 2006-08-02 23:34:31
I'm very saddned to hear of your loss and know that you will definitely get through this time of grief. It's a natural occurance and one of the hardest ones to deal with since not any one person will react any one way, we are all individuals and therefore no one can really prime you for it, you just have to take it as it comes naturally, such as you are. On the other hand I am delighted to here about your sons abilities and trust that he will make his father proud and that you and your wife will do the best for him. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and I know you will get through this.
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mo - 2006-08-03 00:31:03
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Having a parent die at any age is a tough thing to work through. Good luck with figuring things out for your son. You love him and will care for him the best way you know how. There will be days you'll be frustrated about the situation but think about how Andrew must feel and you'll get back on track. Once upon a time I was told my son was 'different'. I resisted traditional medical wisdom, asked alot of questions, and learned to be an advocate for my kid. He'll be a senior in High School this year. He has friends, participates in activities, and has a good quality of life. I never thought I would get to this point. You'll get there. Your sense of humor will help. Be good UB.
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witchy - 2006-08-03 06:05:15
The hurt of your mom dying, that will not go away. It sucks, and it still bites me in the arse. However,there is hope on the autism thing. My son was born 23 years ago when there were virtually no resources about autism, and I had to do it on my own. He has graduated high school and is going to community college. The worst part is the socialization. Other kids are friggin brutal. Autistic kids are emotionally brittle, and even unexpected sounds will freak them out. Make sure you identify what his stressors are, and if you can at all, avoid medications, no matter how hard the teachers whine. Any talents he displays, encourage encourage, encourage. Also, in social situations, help him to rehearse his possible responses. These things really helped my son. WB, Unca Jim Bob
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Humbi - 2006-08-03 07:15:25
Hi Uncle Bob, best wishes from the one german guy in your army from way back when. I hope (and know) that you and your family will find your way through this situation. As somebody said before: Andrew is perfectly Andrew. If he is happy, safe and loved, then nothing else matters. Regarding everything else, I am truly very sorry. Yes, you are talking to total strangers here. But to us, you are no stranger. And therefore, take care my (our) friend.
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Julie - 2006-08-03 14:27:49
I am very, very sorry. Peace be with you and your family.
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Seanie - 2006-08-03 14:59:22
So very sorry about your Mom.
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Nicole - 2006-08-03 16:33:21
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I just lost my dad in April of this year and I'm still dealing with the grief. He was 60 years old and had cancer of the pancreas. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with and even though ours was a relationship where I didn't talk to him everyday, I miss him terribly. What has helped me through the loss was thinking that it was so much better that he went quickly at the end. He was in the hospital awaiting a surgery that would tell him if he had 3-6 months or up to 1 year (with painful chemo). He never got that news and for that I am grateful. I hope you can take some small comfort in the fact that your mom is at peace now. My thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time.
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merah - 2006-08-03 16:42:12
Uncle Bob, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I do not know the pain you're feeling right now, but I can sympathize. Take care of you and yours. We are all here to love you when you need us. I'm so glad you're back.
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sadie - 2006-08-03 21:20:39
i have been readinng your blog off and on for years. i have never commented. i am sorry for your loss. you and your family are in my prayers.
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Kendra - 2006-08-03 22:17:13
there is nothing anyone in this forum can say. Theres no it will get better, time will fix all...none of that matters When it hits it hits but you should know your son is gifted...thats amazing, and your wife loves you...that even better. You may be lost, but she's there to help you along the way.
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neocleo - 2006-08-04 18:19:56
Yeah, what everybody else said.
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K - 2006-08-04 20:44:05
I'm sorry, my friend. You've made me laugh and now you've got me weeping. Hugs to you and yours. Karen
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mez - 2006-08-05 04:36:28
I'm sorry to hear about your hard times UB - hopefully things will settle down enough for you to breathe without feeling cloudy. I've had someone that close to me die before. It's not an easy road :( As for Andrew - I have worked with a few autistic and aspergers children and it's amazing how complex and intricate their minds are. Often there is a talent there that needs to be nurtured. :) Make sure that you also investigate schools that will provide him the emotional support and integrated support that he needs (structure can be a big issue) not just academics. Also individualised support: more as a mediator, a helper to talk things out etc, cognitive behaviour stuff). Depending on the type of autism and level of functioning Andrew has there can be a LOT done for him - but the first year of school is sometimes very difficult for children who might have trouble reading emotional cues (sometimes happens in autism) and being out of their routine. He will come good. Yeah, it's a challenge but as you've already discovered he has talents that other kids can only dream of.
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Mal - 2006-08-05 09:32:06
Havinglost both my parents recently, i absolutely sympathyse your mixed emotions. Please realise that even tho we have never met or even talked, you and all your family are in my thougts at this time. Cyalayta Mal
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Maris - 2006-08-05 13:54:12
Hi, Bob: No matter what your relationship is with your parents, it's life changing when they are gone. You either weep for what was, or for what wasn't. These times are tough,but I do promise that one day you'll look back and it will at least be bearable. As hard as it may be, we often have to come to terms with the fact that OUR dreams for our children will not be their dreams. But, once we realize that there is a freedom in recognizing that Andrew will have his own dreams, and your job as his parent will be to help him realize them. I have a very dear friend in Canada whose daughter has a very severe form of austism, including something called austistic rage. While it certainly has been complicated and difficult, they have a beautiful 17 year old daughter who while she will never marry and have her own children, is recognized as a national artistic talent, autism aside. The fact that she is austistic simply makes her talent that much more amazing. If she wouldn't have had a mother opening doors and providing opportunity for her every step of the way, and yes, sometimes fighting for it, she would not know the joy she does through her art. Andrew will find his way, and while you will grieve for the child, person, man you thought he would be, you'll soon come to realize that the person he will become will fill you with many blessings... just a different sort. May you find peace with life and all it's challenges and hug your son for all of us!
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ibeejd - 2006-08-05 21:14:55
I dont know what to say....except I am very sorry for your loss and my prayers are with you and your family.
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robin - 2006-08-06 13:32:05
I'm very very sorry about your mother passing. It's very hard to lose your mom, there's nothing really anyone can do for your except to feel with you and offer sympathy. I can't believe how many kids nowadays have austism, or Asbergers, or something related, and they often seem to be far more intelligent than average. Fortunately society is becoming more knowledgeable about these conditions all the time and learning how to support these kids so they can reach their full, and very wonderful, potential. Hang in there - you are not alone on this one and the resources are there. My son is different too - but I wouldn't change him.
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Louise - 2006-08-06 15:45:34
I'm sorry - I'm sorry that your mother's no longer here for you to talk to, I'm sorry that your son has autism, I'm sorry that you feel so lost at the moment. I'm not going to pretend that anything will ever be the same again because they won't, but one day I hope you'll be able to look back at this most heartbreaking of times and give a little smile for the wonderful memories that are in your heart for your mother, and be proud of the man that your son has become. I'm truly very sorry :o(
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Anita - 2006-08-06 15:48:41
I'm really very sorry. (((bob)))
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Kate - 2006-08-06 20:02:56
Long-time reader, never-commenter. Don't be too hard on yourself for not being able to grieve. Sometimes it takes a while to be able to process a death in the family.
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Jendra - 2006-08-06 22:56:11
I lost my mother when I was 16. The scariest thing can be just how normal a day can feel when you know your life will never be the same ever again. When your mother dies, a part of you waits to die too, and then it's a shocking realization when you realize that life is going on without her. Grief follows its own path and its own instincts. If you're doing normal things then it is possible you're doing them because you need to feel normal. And that's okay. Your entry really touched me. We've all read you for a very long time and now you've reached out to us to really share yourself. Thank you for letting us in and I'm so very sorry for your loss. You're a kind, funny, articulate and intelligent man, who obviously has a lot of love for his family and a strong sense of duty. Your mother must have been an amazing woman.
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Melissa - 2006-08-07 02:00:29
UB, I have been reading for years and never commented. I just said today I missed you so I hopped on DLand... I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts. Blessed be.
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Melissa - 2006-08-07 02:03:22
UB, I have been reading for years and have never commented before. I just said to myself a few minutes ago that I missed your blog so I hopped on DLand.... You are in my thoughts. I am truly sorry for your loss. Blessed be.
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Jane - 2006-08-07 08:17:12
I love you, UB, and will keep you in my prayers.
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lorrie - 2006-08-07 15:43:55
I am so sorry.
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Libragril - 2006-08-07 22:16:54
I am sorry for your loss
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Chris - The Original Chris - 2006-08-08 15:50:19
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
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s. - 2006-08-08 16:53:44
developmental delays? he's reading at the level of an 8-year-old but he's five? where are the delays? asking as someone whose child DOES have delays. e.g., he's 13 and reads at a 7-year-old's level.
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Annie - 2006-08-23 21:54:22
I just came back to your site for the first time in several months. I just wanted to let you know that my thoughts are with you & your family and to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I started reading the site after my own Uncle Bob passed away a month after being diagnosed with leukemia; I didn't know I needed to say goodbye, and so I never did. I've always liked knowing that even if *my* Uncle Bob is gone, the idea of Uncle Bobs goes on.
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Glitter - 2006-08-31 10:26:42
I haven't been here since it became clear that you really were on hiatus. I'm so sorry about your Mom. I lost my Grandma to lung cancer last Christmas morning. Don't you worry about Andrew, he'll prove people wrong.
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