Bunny - 2007-07-17 08:17:58
"I'm not sure if I was only seeing thighs, old underwear, or a Mexican midget crawling out of the wreckage she once called her vagina ... but I turned away so fast I almost got whiplash" You crack me up, Uncle Bob! This whole post was a riot, but this sentence in particular had me giggling out loud.
Boojaw - 2007-07-17 08:40:11
I agree. The Mexican midget was a riot!
Jennifer - 2007-07-17 09:36:12
Please please PLEASE tell me you exaggerated some of that? (shuddering in horror here...)
Drew - 2007-07-17 09:53:31
Granny Panties - 2007-07-17 11:16:20
How do these people find you? Do you have ads posted at monster truck shows and drag races?
awittykitty - 2007-07-17 13:10:25
And I thought my cousin's brand new wife drunkenly announcing that his dick was really small over the microphone at their wedding reception was funny....
Julie - 2007-07-17 16:02:46
Folks, I have no idea what I saw. HEEEE!
Cosmic - 2007-07-17 16:16:58
And you have the nerve to complain about YOUR family. Wow, just think. They could have been calling you UNCLE Bob!
MIchele - 2007-07-17 16:55:33
Similar story for ya - but not funny, just annoying... This was the first wedding I ever attended in England, and at the time I thought it had to be a British thing. I later attended other weddings in England and found out that the first one was NOT a 'British thing' but simply a lack of forethought for one's guests' comfort. The bride and groom were living in the same large city that we were, along with most of their family and friends. Despite this, for some reason they held the wedding in the small town where the bride's parents had recently moved, about a 2 hours away by train. Because the wedding was so far away, we, and most of the guests, were staying in hotels for the night. We arrived at the hotel, and the bride and groom provided buses to take all the guests from the hotels to the wedding site (about 1/2 hour to 45 minutes away from the hotels) since many people are from the city (at least 50 people needed the bus) and don't have cars, and if they did, so they didn't have to worry about drinking and driving. I thought that was a nice gesture and very thoughtful. The wedding ceremony started at 2, and lasted about 15 minutes. Dinner was not served till 4. There was literally nothing to do but buy and drink drinks from the cash bar while waiting nearly and hour and a half for dinner at 4 o'clock we were given a lovely sit down dinner. That lasted about an hour, maybe. Then, again, nothing to do. The DJ didn’t start till 8 o'clock at night! So for 3 hours after dinner, from about 5 till 8 o'clock, again, nothing to do! (But buy drinks from the cash bar.) The DJ played till 12, and at 12:15 AM the buses were scheduled to pick us all up and take us back to the hotels. This was a TEN-HOUR wedding! Ceremony at 2, dinner at 4, DJ from 8 till 12. (Not to mention the 2-hour train ride we and most other guests took to get there that morning) And the worst part was that there was no way to leave early - we were in a strange town we didn't know; it was too far to walk. In hindsight we should have asked the reception staff for the phone number of a taxi service to take us to the hotel, feigning illness. I was so bored and sick of being there by around 10 o'clock, I wanted to scream! What on earth made these people schedule dinner for 4 hours? Why didn’t the DJ start an hour after dinner started? 10 hours is way too long for a wedding. People were starting to fall asleep in their chairs, literally. Not to mention, 10 hours is too long a time to drink alcohol continually, which some did. So those who were not half-asleep were completely, staggeringly drunk (and I guess, broke!) By the time we got back to the hotel, my husband and I had the best night’s sleep we have ever had, we were so exhausted.
Ragin' Asian - 2007-07-17 18:54:12
Ummm... I REALLY hope they paid you in advance.
Detail Medic - 2007-07-17 21:52:33
Oh. My. God. I will never complain about my job again...
anenigma - 2007-07-17 22:07:27
I just peed a little.
Argentum - 2007-07-18 00:55:20
Just WOW. I'm guessing the incestual orgy was later?
Squeakzilla - 2007-07-18 03:19:07
Ah the magic of Boone's Farm, with it's subtle traces of formaldehyde. It was the only thing we could buy at the liquor store when the guy knew we were underage. This entry is a UB classic. And... what the 1st four comments said too!
Princess Crystal - 2007-07-18 03:56:00
Hahaha OMG. You make my day. I fucking love you.
Jane - 2007-07-18 17:27:51
Laughing my ass usual.
Natalie - 2007-07-18 21:48:58
The Mexican midget comment had me literally laughing out loud. I could almost smell the funk of these people through your post. Great entry, UB! Love ya!
AnonAnonAnon - 2007-07-19 13:17:43
U.B., do you EVER have a normal wedding reception? (Although the "abnormal" ones are hysterical!)

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