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09:55:43 - 2000-07-28


Horse pee!!!

You guys (and very sexay gals) are THE BEST!!!

I wish Diaryland really WAS a community in which we all lived in real life...because y'all would be some KICK ASS NEIGHBORS!

...Alright...enough ass kissing...

I got over 20 emails (21 to be exact), telling me some alternatives to Napster so that my grubby little paws could still receive free music downloaded into my computer and I would never have to grace the doorstep of another record store again.

...Funny thing is...I get discounts at local record stores...yet that's STILL not good enough for me...I want da music FREE, SENOR.

Anyway...the overall choice for Napster alternative was Gnutella followed by Scour. I'm going to find time this weekend to download about seven new programs and I will have like Uncle Bob's Consumer Music Theft Reports ready for you in a couple of days.


Susie asked me yesterday morning "So ... what are you going to do now that Napster's shutting down?"

I shrugged and said "Go back to shoplifting CDs, I guess."

She didn't find that funny.

So now I have an alternative.

Woot! Woot!

And it's all thanks to the Army.





So...we went and picked up Susie's new minivan yesterday.

A 1996 Grand Caravan that smells like 82-year-old dead grandpa ass.

She's thrilled.

I'm gagging.

Actually...I'm thrilled for her.

Tonight we take her OLD car, drive it over to the bad section of town, roll the windows down, leave the keys in it and abandon it.

This is Alabama. That's how you get rid of an old car here.

It takes the riff-raff off the streets when the police catch them with a "stolen" car and the insurance money positively ROCKS!!!


One thing that got me all giddy and made my boxers moist...

I found out last night through my Napster surfing that Pink Floyd apparently okayed a "trance" remix of their entire "Wish You Were Here" album by The Orb.

Of course...last night, there were about eighteen zillion people using Napster, so downloads were as slow as Christmas.

But this morning...they're flying through like flaming Concordes.

So now...I have the entire "Wish You Were Here" trance album.

I'm positively giddy.

This ROCKS!!!!


My car battery went dead on my ass yesterday.

The battery was less than six months old.

Luckily, it decided to die on me in the parking lot at the office, so I was in a safe place where no mean people could hurt me or hurl bottles at me while I stood on the side of the interstate in the Alabama summer heat.

Still ... after jumping it off, Mattie Gee (my personal mechanic wannabe) said "Don't shut your car off until you get it to your mechanic".

Now...I had to drive about 30 miles and stop at numerous places before I could get to my mechanic.

So I was sweating bullets as I drove.

Y' BIGGEST FEAR is my car breaking down on the side of the road.

I don't carry a cell phone anymore.

So basically...I'm as stranded as those seven castaways there on Gilligan's Isle if my car breaks down.

And I'm a busy guy. Ain't got no time to be stranded and shit.

Luckily...I got my errands run and got the car to the mechanic in running mode.

I was convinced it was the alternator.

Nope. The car battery.

Have I bored you enough with this story??

Heh. Sorry...I keep running back and forth from here to Napster.

Napster gets priority over you kids today.

Doesn't mean I love you any less.

I just gotta take care of the baby today before it leaves for college.



I made the absolute ....ummm...mediocre meat loaf last night.

Fuckin' Ann Landers...

She printed a meatloaf recipe in her column last week that she says she's gotten "thousands" of requests for since first being published 40 years ago in her column.

Ann...babe...get out more often, darlin'. Because meatloaf technology has FLOWN by you like a flaming Concorde, babe.

....Heh...I love using the same lame joke twice....

Anyway...the meatloaf was a little too tomatoey for me.

I make what is called "Mushroom Meat Loaf".

If you like mushrooms...and you like meatloaf...than dammit all to're going to LOOOOOOOOOVE Mushroom Meat Loaf.

If you want the recipe...just ask.

No really...just email me and say "Hey fat bastard...where's that mushroom meat loaf recipe you promised me???"

...I'll know what ya mean...


I guess I could keep babbling or I could go walk the dog and download stuff while I'm walking her.

Consider me all babbled out.



OLD WOMAN: "Good morning!"

ME: "Mornin'"

OLD MAN: "Looks like he's (my FEMALE dog)about due for another hair cut!"

ME: "Yep."


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