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09:21:02 - 2000-10-29


Any questions??

"Yes, Uncle Bob ... Dan Rather with the CBS News...Why the ugly disclaimer at the top of your diary now?"

Ahhh...thanks Dan. I knew somebody would probably bring that up today.

I got six emails yesterday from six different people, ALL OF THEM wanting OUT of the Uncle Bob Army because of the way I talked about my neighbor yesterday.

One said it was "uncalled for". One said I was an "evil man". One was "disappointed in me".

And quite frankly ... I've had enough of these idiots.

This is MY diary ... NOT yours. If I want to write about my neighbor getting on my nerves, that's MY prerogative. If I want to write about the price of tea in China, it's MY prerogative (seriously ... the price of tea in China is OUTRAGEOUS and somebody needs to step in quickly before the Chinese have nothing left to drink and have to resort to their own urine, which I hear isn't bad and is considered a delicacy in parts of Thailand).

In this diary, I report what goes on in my life the only way I know how. Sometimes I'm crude. Many times, I'm not. Those that have been reading this diary all year long have gotten used to my ramblings by now. It's these new kids on the block who are wanting to be part of the Uncle Bob Army because they think "Oh's a new way I can promote MYYYYY diary and everyone will love me, me, me, me, me!!!" kid...fuck off. That AIN'T what it's all about.

It just burns my ass to open up an email and see "You offended me talking about your neighbor. She's probably a very sweet woman."


There's always been one credo that I've abided by with this diary ... I wasn't out to hurt anyone's feelings unless they struck at me first.

And lately, I've been getting beaten down on a daily basis from people who just started reading this diary.

It blows my mind that people take the time to write and tell me how I've offended them.

There are sites out there that offend the hell out of me. But you don't see me trying to lead some crusade to get them to clean their act up. It's the internet, people. There's GOING to be some offensive material out there. If you don't like it, if it offends your moral values, if it makes you sick to your stomach...DON'T READ IT. There's millions of sites out there...find one you like and stick with it. Don't waste your feeble-minded time reading sites that offend you.

It's really a shame that in less than a week, I'm going to be a first-time Daddy, and I'm SOOOOOO overjoyed with my life right now, yet I have to keep dealing with these crackheads that want to piss on my parade.

...Great. Now I'll have all the crackheads emailing me wanting out of the Army because I badmouthed the crackheads...

Bottom line ... this whole "Army" shit is for people that dig what I'm doing here. If you're just in it for some feeble hits that will trickle your way so that your shitty poetry will have an audience, fucketh youeth. I don't WANT your stinky ass in my Army. Email me TODAY and tell me "Uncle Bob ... I only joined your Army because I thought it was a cool way to promote my own shitty diary. I'm a horrible person who was using someone else's diary to further my own. Please remove me at once so I'll quit smelling up your space."

And I'll be more than happy to grant your wish. could take the high road in this matter. Every time I write something that may offend you...TAKE IT WITH A GRAIN OF SALT. BLOW IT OFF. Realize that MAYBE I'm just goofing around and whatever I said wasn't meant to be taken seriously or meant to destroy YOUR life. Maybe, JUST FUCKING MAYBE, I wasn't even thinking about your whiny ass when I wrote it. Ever considered that, Captain Crybaby?

In the meantime...bite my ass, you overly-sensitive fuck.

Oh yeah...all six people are now gone from the Army. Good riddance, you buncha pansies.


Now the heck are ya??


I'm not really sure how to follow up that diatribe, but what the hell, I'll give it a go.

My in-laws came over yesterday. Amazingly, I didn't run to my nearest pawn shop, purchase a pistol, come back and shoot them all dead in the den. After receiving six emails telling me I'm the Antichrist, I wasn't exactly in the mood to deal with my brother in law that owes me $6000 and avoids any and all conversation about it.

My mother in law has got it in her head that she wants to be active in our lives now ... after years of not being a vital part in our lives. All because of the baby.

She came over yesterday specifically to wash all the baby's clothes.

Susie told her that since we had SO MANY outfits for Andrew, that she didn't want to take the tags off of them and wash them. The kid already weighs 18 pounds and hasn't even left the womb yet. So A LOT of these clothes are going to have to be taken back ... from my understanding...infants grow quickly.

Still, the old Mominator wanted to do something constructive around the house while Susie rested.

Ummmm...Susie's more productive in her waning days of pregnancy that the Momster has ever been.

The mother in law plopped down in front of the TV and watched TWO football games yesterday, occasionally folding some clothes that Susie had washed and eating whatever food we had in the cupboard.

The brother in law was supposed to be here around 1 yesterday to help me hang up borders around the baby's room and move furniture, as well as bring clamps over to put on the baby's cradle to help glue bond.

He showed up at 5:30.

CONVENIENTLY ... just in time for dinner. The rat bastard.

Sadly ... we were just having salads for dinner last night. My ass has gotten bigger than a freight car with all this sympathy weight gain and I'm on a crash diet full of exercise and eating right.

Bro' turned down the salad with a dejected look on his face, grabbed two cans of Coke and hauled ass outta here.

I'm just glad he didn't ask to be taken out of the Army. I woulda had to get all kung-fu on his ass.


Watched "The Insider" last night. I ....ummmmm....I expected more.

Not really. I mean...I never bothered to see it before it came on cable because I didn't think I'd care for it that much, being a non-smoker and all. But when it was up for all those Academy Awards last year, you kinda start to think..." must have SOME redeeming qualities to it."

I dunno. I was left empty by it. And parts of it made no sense to me, but that may be because I'm a simple-minded insensitive bastard who should love his neighbor.



A few weeks ago, Susie let the cat out of the bag to our pastor that I write for a couple of websites online.

The pastor was all like "Oh really?"

So yesterday morning he calls and we're shooting the poop when he says out of the blue, "Hey...what's the address of that site you write for?"


Let's be honest...I love my pastor to death. He's 29, super cool, and just a regular guy when he's not wearing a robe and preaching the gospel.

...But I was hesitant to let him see a side of me that he'd never seen before ... my WEB side.

I laughed and told him that I respected him too much to let him see my stuff.

He then told me about his brother who is one of the leading morning radio show guys in Texas. His brother is one of the most offensive people in radio and gets fired on a regular basis for the crude stuff he says. But he still loves his brother and respects him...that's his brother's calling in life.

He then told me how he himself can get a little foul-mouthed at times ... not nearly as bad as he used to be ... but he IS human.

Basically...the guy talked me into giving up some web addresses to check out.

We hung up and I called him back a few minutes later to tell him something and his line was busy.

...For close to an hour...

I almost dread seeing him today at church. I have a feeling he's going to give me a sad look and shake his head softly.

I'll just die if he does.



We are anticipating the breaking of Susie's water any day now.

We were told to cover the bed in some sort of plastic sheeting in case she's asleep and her vaginal dam breaks.


What did YOU MOTHERS use to cover the bed with when you were pregnant? I suggested trash bags or newspapers like a puppy. Susie rejected both suggestions and then asked to be cut loose from the Army.


But are there some kinda plastic sheets you can buy? Should she sleep with her ass wrapped up in a raincoat?? Do I have to buy her some Depends??

Talk to me ladies. We need to know what to do.

Thanks for your help.

Now then ... if you'll be so kind, I must be going.

....I have emails to return...

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