I LOVE DICK CHEESE!

Y'know...when my boy Mattie Gee first formed his musical supergroup The Spicolis, I told him of an idea I had that would work.

I thought a band that played alternative hits in a lounge-music style would kill.

Positively kill.

It wouldn't be the most popular act on the planet. Oh no. Nothing can top Christina Aguilera as far as sheer popularity and talent ... but it would generate enough interest where people would come out to see the act.

Of course, Mattie Gee never listens to me and went ahead with the Spicolis who are gooood ... but they're no RICHARD CHEESE!!!

I am the latest victim of the Cheese Man. I downloaded every song he has ever recorded last night and compiled it all on one cheap 40 cent CD for my listening pleasure.

I suggest you do the same if you want your life to be complete.

All hail Richard Cheese.

At LEAST download "Creep" by him. It's peppy, upbeat and it SWINGS, Jack! This is the way that the song should have always been played! I bet Radiohead is kicking themselves in the ass after hearing this, thinking "Ay mate ... we really fooked that song up."

Behold the power of Cheese.

Speaking of Radiohead, I got their new CD yesterday ... that "Amnesiac" thing.

I thought after "Kid A" came out, they said the next disc would be more back-to-basics.

Back to basic CRAP is more like it!!!

(Uncle Bob throws his hand up in the air with a goofy grin pasted on his face, waiting for someone to high five him until he realizes it isn't going to happen and then slowly lowers his hand in shame)

I guess the disc is okay ... but it's not a return to the Radiohead I love. It's still strange and weird.

I understand they want to change the face of rock and roll and be the leaders of a new frontier of music.

But I just can't get into songs where there's no melody, beat, vocals or music.

Maybe it'll grow on me. But their "masterpiece" "Kid A" sure hasn't.

Am I going to have to turn my back on Radiohead?

I don't WANT to.

But I just might.

Then again ... I'm diggin' the Cheese Man. My back has probably ALREADY been turned on Radiohead if that's any indication.

Drunk-assed Jamie(TM)became a father yesterday when his wife of seven months gave birth to a 5 lb.8 oz. 18 inch long little girl.

They're naming her Caitlin Douglas Martin.

Yes...her middle name is Douglas.

I don't know why in the hell anyone would name a little girl "Douglas". It's Jamie's middle name and he wanted to pass on his name to his child.

Ummmm...helloooo?? "Jamieeeee". What? Is Jamie a little too masculine for a little girl?

Sheesh.

NOW you know why I call him "Drunk-Assed Jamie".

We're going over there tonight to visit the happy family in the hospital. I just hope Jamie's halfway sober when we get there and not tripping over babies and shit.

His wife had a hard time giving up the weed while she was pregnant. So ... she didn't give it up.

I kept on Jamie's ass for nine months ... "Doesn't that worry you that she's harming the baby?"

He'd say "Awwww...it's okay to smoke dope while you're pregnant."

Ummmmm...alright. Point me in the direction of one ... ONE FUCKING DOCTOR ... who gives a thumbs up to smoking pot during pregnancy.

I would just shake my head every time he'd tell me about her smoking the weed to "settle her stomach" during pregnancy.

I can't wait to see the baby.

I've never seen a three-eyed baby before.

Remember when I had pinkeye?

Yeah...it seems like years ago...but it was just last week.

So anyway ... that eye...even though it seems cleared up ... has been giving me fits the last few days.

Today it's extremely sensitive to light and is watering like a faulty sprinkler system.

So my face is wet from tears and I'm wearing sunglasses at my computer at 6 a.m.

Yeah.

I'm a fucking sex symbol, I am.

(That was sarcasm)

Alright ... I've gotta go wake Baby Boy up and get his baby ass in gear.

Talk to ya later.