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11:27:15 - 2001-02-11


You know what I REALLY hate??

Noooo...not people that can't stand it when I use ALL CAPS.

And nooooo...not people that won't join me in a steaming hot bowl of fuck.

I HATE people that don't know how to act in public.

Would you like a case in point??

Are you ready? Drink in hand, glasses on??


Yesterday afternoon, Susie decides that she wants to go get professional pictures of Andrew made at Sears.

You know...where America shops...THAT Sears...

We get Andy dressed to the nines and slide him over to Sears ... they have a camera room "down" and the wait is like 17 hours.

We say "we'll come back another time."

Get back in the car, Susie's hungry. I'm hungry too, but I'm just not as whiny about it.

She wants to go to Longhorn steakhouse. It's 3 p.m. Since we hadn't really eaten anything all day except a granola bar, we figured we'd eat a big steak dinner at 3 p.m. and that'd be it for the day.

We drive to Longhorn, and there's hardly any cars in the parking lot.

Excellent. Andy's asleep ... we can zip in, eat and get back out before he wakes up.

Granted ... we took him inside with us. It's not like we left him in the car or anything like that.

Sheesh. What kinda parent do you think I am??

Anyway ... we get in there, tell them we want a booth for two...non-smoking.

They sit us down right next to a table of five fat women and some skinny little guy with them.

These five fat heifers were THE LOUDEST bunch of women I've ever heard in my life.

The music was turned down since it was TECHNICALLY lunch time. So all you could hear was them. I couldn't even hear Susie over their uproarious laughter and screaming.

When their food finally came, they quieted down.

For a few minutes.

Then, the fattest, most disgusting one wanted to see the manager.

You could TELL they were all going to try to get their meals free. You could just LOOK AT THEM and see that was their modus operendi.

The cow tried to tell the manager that her steak was nothing but fat. The manager told her when you order a ribeye, there's a certain amount of fat that will be included in the steak.

She wanted ANOTHER ribeye.

AFTER she had eaten half of the one in front of her.

The manager told her that he had cut all the steaks himself that morning, and no matter which ribeye he brought her, there'd be fat on it. That's just how it is.

He then offered her "Flo's Filet" which is the least fatty of all their steaks.

She said no. She either wanted ANOTHER ribeye with zero fat, or she didn't want to pay for her steak.

The manager offered her a 50% discount on her steak.

She agreed to that.

Fucking fatass socially retarded whore.

So, OF COURSE, this prompts the other four fat women (the skinny guy was the quietest of them all) to start looking for things to bitch about so they could save a few bucks at the steakhouse as well.

Actually, only one other woman at the table tried to get a free meal. She called the manager over and said there was a hair in her ribs.

The manager told her it was not a human hair...there was no way you could get a human hair inside a rib.

The manager suggested that it was actually a thin thread from the ribs. After the ribs had been cooked a certain duration, they tend to dry out a bit and the "hair" was actually part of the rib.

The fat ass didn't buy that crap. She said it was a hair and she wasn't paying for the meal.

The manager, who you could just TELL was tired of these freeloaders, finally said the ribs were free.

He walked back to the kitchen and the fat ass fucking whore got a high five from the fat ass fucking whore across the table from her.

I was livid.

Oh. Did I forget to mention that their loud carrying on had woken Andy up? I think that's what pissed me off more than anything. Andy can sleep through just about anything, but when these fat bitches sat there, hootin' and hollering and calling each other "girlfriend" at the top of their lungs, even HE couldn't sleep through it.

So I'm trying to eat and pacify my baby at the same time, which is no easy feat for a new Daddy.


These human cattle finish their meals, pay their bills, leave FOUR DOLLARS BETWEEN THE SIX OF THEM for a tip ... and decide that they want to stick around and sing gospel songs at the table.

I swear to God.

So they all start working on their harmonies on some song about Jesus being their rock.

I FINALLY said to Susie "Isn't it bad manners to sing at the table?" loud enough for at least the hairy rib eater to hear.

"Yes, it is," she said, throughly pissed with these imbeciles as well.

So what do they do??

Sing louder. And start clapping their hands.

I was shocked. I mean really, really shocked.

I couldn't BELIEVE that these bitches got one and a half free meals because they were absolute...well...I hate to use the word here....but they were c*nts.

Then, to add insult to injury, they decide to stick around for ten minutes after their dining experience was over to amuse themselves at the expense of the other diners around them.

I wanted to jump up and offer them a recording contract and then call them talentless warts once they got excited.

They FINALLY got up and were leaving and an old man said "Y'all sing good."

I swear to you ... they acted like a buncha divas. One of them said "Thanks" while the others threw their noses up in the air like they were Diana Ross.

Shit like that makes me sick.

Sooo...moral of the story ... act like you have a smidgen of common sense when you go out to a restaurant where you don't have to order your food at a counter.

Thank you.

So last night, I'm watching the XFL while Susie's amusing the baby.

She's tired so she brings the baby to me and asks if I can watch him.

So Andy sits on my lap and we watch the XFL together.

Andy will watch ANYTHING on TV. He's already a TV junkie. This kinda scares me because it's not what I want the kid to be. But he's too young to get into toys or books yet, and the TV has so many bright colors and cool sounds that he gets transfixed on that.

After a while, the XFL game got old, so we switched over to Cartoon Network.

He enjoyed that quite a bit, until a commercial for some 80's CDs came on.

We were watching the commercial when they show the video for Eurythmics "Sweet Dreams" during the commercial.

With Annie Lennox, all pale and hideous with her flaming red hair.


She terrified him. I found it amusing as hell, since I can't stand Annie Lennox either. Any woman that goes out of her way to make herself look God, you've proven your point with me. I want nothing to do with you.

So I had to hug Andy and pat his back and let him know that Annie Lennox wouldn't be hiding in his closet when I put him to bed.

God, I love that kid. He's such a source of joy for me.

And he hates Annie Lennox.

He's cool in my book.

I'm pissed with myself because I completely forgot to write my "Ed" recap for Mighty Big TV yesterday.

Saturday mornings are now about the only time I can find to do it. It takes me between 3-4 hours to write and that's the only free time I have.

So what did I do yesterday morning.

Heh heh.

I ummmmm...well....I've had this cough for the last several days.

So I took this strong assed cough medicine ("It's a narcotic", the doctor reminded me when handing me the prescription).

Except I uhhhhh...I doubled the dosage.

Man oh THAT was fun!!

I was soooooo mellow. I've never had cough medicine affect me like that. My eyelids kept falling over my eyes and I'd jerk 'em back up and just giggle my ass off.

Susie wouldn't let me hold the baby. That's how fucked up I apparently was.

It wore off after several hours and that's when we decided to take Andy to Sears to get his photo taken.

Hey, this is kinda like "Pulp Fiction". I brought you guys back around to the beginning of the diary entry.


I've amused myself this time.

And with that, I think I'll go.

But first ... hand me my wallet. It's the one with "Bad Muthafucka" written on it.

Thank you!!! Good night!!!


The J. Geils Band: "Angel In Blue"

This is the most heartbreaking song ever written about falling in love with a stripper/prostitute. I've loved this song for 20 years.


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