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5:37 a.m. - 2001-07-09


Today is my first day at the new job.

Gawd, I hope I don't screw it up.

I'm not really nervous at all, because my boss is Wendi who just happens to be the best boss I've ever had. So I'm more excited than nervous.

I do hope that she goes along with my idea of everyone wearing nametags for the next several months so that I can commit everyone's name to memory.'s a pain in the ass for people who already know everyone else's name. But it's MEEEEEE we're talking about here. I don't KNOWWWWW your name and I NEEEEEEEED to know your name.

So put the damned nametag on, lady.

And plus, my boy Eddie Lavoie works there too. So two of my best friends in the whole world are already there, so it's kinda hard to get nervous about starting the job.

Still ... I hope they don't have any kinda rituals for new people like ... ohhh... cramming things up my ass or something on the first day. Hazing. I hope they don't have hazings.

The SECOND day ... sure...feel free to cram telephone receivers up my ass. That's cool. Just lemme get situated on the first day. That's all I ask.

It should be fun. Except for the life of me ... I can't find anything I need to take to the job with me. "Anything" meaning the things I need to conduct a telephone interview...tape recorder, microphone for the phone, and my trusty list of 10 questions that I ask of each business that I interview.

Hopefully, I won't have to do any interviews today and those can start tomorrow while I'm tugging phone receivers out my ass.

Hopefully. far THREE people have emailed me that live in Eugene, Oregon, which is my first assignment to write for.

'Tis a small world after all, Mickey Mouse.

Sooo...IF I have to fly to Eugene for some personal interviews, I have to find the time to meet three Diarylanders while I'm there.

Yet...none of the three can buy me a steak dinner. Which is really sad. It makes me wanna cry that they won't buy me a steak dinner. Maybe steak costs like ... ohhh...several hundred dollars in Eugene. Then I can understand their hesitations on buying me a steak.

Can you tell that I LIVE for steak?

So ... England has decided to stop prosecuting pot smokers.

I wanna move to England, Mommy.

Errr...I mean...Mum.

Here in the states ... I was reading that some states are going to start being a little more lenient toward pot smokers when it comes to jail time. The government is finally figuring it out ... smoking pot is NOT that bad.

Keep in mind ... I've stopped smoking pot. I've got a baby now, I don't want to smoke around him, I don't want to be under the influence and driving and go to jail and miss seeing my boy grow up.

But I am ALL FOR the legalization of marijuana. I smoked it for many, many years and can attest to the fact that it doesn't do the damage that drinking does. Nobody has ever died from smoking marijuana. NOBODY.

I remember in a drug awareness class that the teacher told us you'd have to smoke 40 BALES of marijuana in one sitting in order to overdose on it.

Even the most chronic pot smoker will never smoke 40 bales in his life, let alone in one sitting.

But my bet your sweet ass I woulda given the whole overdosing thing a try.

Ah lubbed mah weed.

And it's also been one of the easiest things I ever gave up because it's NON-ADDICTIVE.

Say it with me kids...marijuana is NON-ADDICTIVE.

The only addictive part of it is the physical part...where you feel you have to hold it in your hand.

Hey...I'm only repeating what they taught me at Harvard.

Okay...NOT Harvard...the University of Tennessee.

But if I said "U.T." some of you people may think that we had Jethro Clampett up there teaching us about drugs.

And that wasn't the case.

Anyway...go Britain! You've got my vote for uber-cool country!

I don't have a whole helluva lot more to talk about today. I'm stoked about the job and need to start getting ready for it.

With that said, I'll check in tomorrow with a full report on what happens today.

I bet you're all on pins and needles, huh?

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