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05:58:17 - 2000-03-19


You like?

I just don't know what happened. One minute, I'm idly bitching about having a crappy looking template, and the next thing I know I have FOUR NEW TEMPLATES to choose from.


A big warm Uncle Bob THANK YEWWWWWW with a groping of the ass go to Badkitty, Frank , and Geekchic for all sending in some AWESOME templates which now remain MINE....ALL MINE!!!!



MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA----(choke ....gasp....cough..."Heimlich...somebody....please...Heimlich me....")

(Bob feels two strong arms come from behind, squeeze his ribcage and force him to cough up an errant piece of pork)

Ahhhhh....that's much better. Thanks whoever.....

(Bob turns around and is shocked to see a beautiful woman standing there)

ME: "My. You've got some strong arms there, Missy."

WOMAN: "Yes I know. I do an awful lot of work with them."

ME: "I'm sure you do. What's your name, Cowpoke?"

WOMAN: "My name is Amber. I designed this template for you that you're currently looking at. Do you like it?"

ME: "You're AMBER?!? My God...this is TWICE you've saved my life now...first the template...and now the Heimlich. Let's pretend we just got married and go try to make some babies as a result of your kindness and ignorance."

WOMAN: "Sure thing! Gosh...I never knew saving your life twice would result in unbridled sexual passion with Uncle Bob!!"

ME: "Most people don't, sweetie. Most people don't."

Okay ... so maybe that was a dream and I just SECRETLY want to have sex with Amber.

Anyway...all four templates had something about them that I wanted desperately. If I could have, I would have made all four ladies work together and produce a template that would have brought tears to your eyes.

However... as we all know now...the act of women working together has proven to be a's never happened before in recorded history.


As much as I love the's tough for me to pass up a dig on 'em.


Oh God no...I need those four ladies like my right arm.

I meant all those OTHER women out there in the universe.

I'll be damned if I'm insulting Bob's Angels today.

Not in print anyway...


I kill me.

Anyway...hope ya dig the new template. I may tinker with it a bit more, but Amber...Amber...Amber took a few incoherant sentences of mine and turned them into a vision that had formerly rested solely in my head.

But...if you don't like the template, lemme know. I've got three others just WAITING to be exposed.

I can toss this one out like yesterday's garbage.

*triple grin*

Lemme say real many of you have been so kind to me over the past two months. When I first started writing here, I'll be honest...I didn't think I'd do it more than a few times.

To be honest...I did it as a gag. Me...a grown man...having an online "diary". THAT'S why I shared it with my real life friends.

This diary was a JOKE. It was meant to make the guys at work laugh, and that was it. I already had another website and didn't need another.

But I got encouragement right off the bat from several of you, first and foremost being Anenigma who let me know that my stuff was being read and appreciated and that I wasn't the only one here who wasn't a teenager.

Now...this website gets all the attention and the other one has been reduced to chronicling my high school life from my diary when I was 18. It's actually turned into a fairly interesting read , and shows some of you youngins out there having problems that even Uncle Bob was a class A dork in his day.

I'm still a dork today. But I'm a CONFIDANT dork.

And, truth be told, I woulda been gone from Diaryland a LONG time ago had it not been for Ianomalous . After I posted on the People Page, he gave me the dubious honor of having the "Strangest Entry"...and then proceeded to leave that honor on the front page of the People Page FOREVER.

Which told me ... sink or swim. I've gotta live up to this "strange" title.

Some came and dug it.

Most didn't. we are. I'm still here and it's all Ianomalous' fault.

I KNOW I didn't list everyone who has fought hard in the Uncle Bob Army 2000 there, but I really tried. Each and every one of you has either let me know that you dig me, or I secretly dig you.

If you are willing to fight until the death for your Uncle Bob and be included on the front line of my Army ...drop me a line at , professing your undying love for me and what you would do to save my life ... just like all the people to your left have already done.

You will then become a buck private in the Uncle Bob Army 2000.

Be prepared for a lot of bucking.

I dunno...for some ungodly reason...a new template equates a new beginning for me.

I think I'm going to try something different with this diary from here on out.

I got it!

I'll start injecting a little humor here and there.


Kiss my ass and call me Jesus....THAT'S A PLAN STAN!!!

Once again, thanks to all four of my HTML Goddesses. I'm a HUGE fan of all of yer diaries, as you all already know and for you to spend even a few minutes in an attempt to help me warms my heart to no end.


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Have you read these?

The End Of Uncle Bob - 12:28 p.m. , 2009-02-19

Losing Focus While Trying To Write A Blog Entry Is Cool. - 1:47 p.m. , 2008-12-04

Buck Up Junior, You Could Be Digging Ditches - 11:36 p.m. , 2008-10-31

That Sinking Feeling - 6:09 a.m. , 2008-10-28

Return Of The Karate Kid And His Slow Kitty-Lovin' Accomplice - 5:44 a.m. , 2008-10-22

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