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5:29 a.m. - 2001-05-31



How are ya?

'Member yesterday when I said I was going to go do something really, really exciting to tell you about today??


Unless you consider going through the stack of bills and arranging them in order of due dates as "excitement".



(Uncle Bob tosses a lampshade in the air, catches it on his head and dances around in a circle, doing an extremely retarded jig)

I DID clean house after calling in sick to work. Did a real good job too. Picked up all Andy's toys, vacuumed, dusted, unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, washed dishes, the bills thing, threw out junk mail, put up CDs, and generally straightened up around this joint.


Took about two hours, it did.

Exciting, I'm 'a tellin' ya.

Right now, Andy's sitting behind me, watching this show on Disney..."Out of The Box".

This show REALLY gives me the creeps.

It's a live action show instead of a cartoon ... starring this man and woman who hang around children in their "neighborhood" and they all sing songs and spend an unusual amount of time with the kids in the neighborhood.

The guy ... (and maybe I've written about this before, I don't remember nor care)...looks like a Rastafarian drug dealer. He's got these long dreadlocks and this eerie smile about him. The guy is ALWAYS smiling. It's like he's got a blunt full of kind bud waiting for him just off camera.

Apparently Andy doesn't care for it either. He's beginning to get fussy. Be right back.

Damn. Raising kids is a full-time job.

ONE HOUR LATER, here I am ... Andy's FINALLY got a boob in his mouth (thank you Mommy for FINALLY getting around to feeding the screaming ball of flesh) and the house is considerably quieter.

Susie's been in a foul mood lately because Andy doesn't want to eat anything but breast milk and she knows it's partially her fault.

A few months ago, Andy's doctor told us to start him on solids. Susie said she wanted to keep him on the boob as long as she possibly could. The doc smiled and said "Okay".

The doc was right.

Now Andy doesn't WANT to try solids. He was at a prime age two months ago to try them, but Susie squandered that opportunity away. So everytime we try to feed him, his mouth gets tight lipped and that head turns away QUICK. All he wants is boob, thank you.

It's frustrating. On top of that, for some reason, Susie's milk supply is starting to run short. She's not pumping as much as she used to and that's pissing her off.

I know ... I know.

You people REALLY came here to hear all that stuff, huh?


With me and my pinkeye, Andy and his stubborness and Mama and her frustration ... this house ain't the happy little home it was a week ago.

And the dog has gas again.

Bad gas. Not the good gas.

Now I see why some men just go out for cigarettes and never come back.

I sure wish I'd taken up smoking when I had the chance.

So anyway...

Finished watching "Traffic" yesterday and liked it a whole lot more once I got closer to the TV screen and could read the subtitles.

I don't think it's the greatest movie ever made, and the Mexican portion still has me slightly confused. But it was a pretty good flick.

Of course, it would have been nice to watch it stoned and then the irony could have added some much needed oomph to the situation.

Oh ... a couple of weeks ago we went to that wedding and I videotaped people at the reception wishing the new couple best wishes, etc...remember?

Well... yesterday I get a sweet thank-you note from the bride saying that she couldn't believe how great I did video-taping the wedding and reception. She and her husband had looked at several different videographer's wedding tapes and mine was better than ALLLL of theirs.

(Uncle Bob exhales on his fingernails and rubs them on his shirt with a shit-eating grin)

Then a few hours later, her Mom brought over a big fern telling me that they weren't doing anything to the tape ... because they were going to let a professional splice my tape with two other tapes of the wedding ... however, my tape was SOOOOO good they're keeping it just like it is.


I rawk the house.

I rawk the body, rawk the body.


Amateur videographer.

Kick ass videographer.


I'm thinking about becoming a full time videographer.

Weddings, of course.

I can capture schmaltz like no other.

A rapping wedding videographer.


That's my calling, dude.

Went out for Mexican food last night, after watching "Traffic" got me hankering for some fajitas.

Andy was the absolute worst that he's ever been in a restaurant.

I liked him much better when he was younger and quieter.

Last night, he wanted to stand on the table, stand in the salsa, knock over glasses, yell at people walking past the table and throw any toy we gave him as far away from the table as possible.

What happened to my precious little boy??

I'm blaming Satanic possession and his mother.

This CERTAINLY couldn't be a reflection on me.

Of course not.

I'm perfect.

So we had to eat in shifts, one of us ate while the other held Andy and tried to keep him from snarling and nipping at other people as they walked past the table.

Susie went first.

My fajitas were lukewarm by the time I ate.

Welcome to Parenthood, Uncle Bob. Hope you brought a muzzle.

I just read the morning paper to see what my competition had to say about this past weekend's music fest after I wrote a pretty scathing attack on the festival. did he. He said the acts weren't as good as they had been in years passed, which was cool and will take some of the heat off of me, if in fact there was going to be any heat on me.

Now I just have to wait for the committee to call me and BEG me to come jump on board and save this sinking ship.

I need to find a sailor's hat if that's the case.

Maybe a skipper's hat like Skipper wore on "Gilligan".

I think that THEN they'd take me seriously.


You betcha.

I did do ONE crazy nutty thing yesterday.

I went to Audio Galaxy and downloaded every song included on this mix and made a copy of it since it sounded like a pretty cool and mellow mix.

It really is a cool mix. It took me about an hour to complete and comes highly recommended.

For those of you who enjoy making mix tapes and discs, check out Art of the Mix. I've been a member of the site since 1998 and even though I don't keep as up to date with it as much as I should ... it's still a really neat site that will give you some ideas on songs to download.

And if you're looking for me on there ... do a search for "Bobzilla".

That's me. You can see all my mixes there.

Purty cool, huh?

Alright...once again ... another boring entry ... but today I'm going BACK to work (I'm not completely healed, but I haven't been to work in a week and it's probably about time I showed my face just to remind everyone I'm still employed there), so I should have SOMETHING to write about tomorrow.

If not, I'll make something up.


I'm desperate to get this diary back on track.

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Have you read these?

The End Of Uncle Bob - 12:28 p.m. , 2009-02-19

Losing Focus While Trying To Write A Blog Entry Is Cool. - 1:47 p.m. , 2008-12-04

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That Sinking Feeling - 6:09 a.m. , 2008-10-28

Return Of The Karate Kid And His Slow Kitty-Lovin' Accomplice - 5:44 a.m. , 2008-10-22

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