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1:37 p.m. - 2001-10-18


Let's see what's newsworthy today...

CBS finally joined the big boys and were lucky enough to get an employee infected with anthrax. As always ... the network is once again a follower and not a leader. With all the free publicity that NBC got with Brokaw's assistant getting the disease that left scabs the size of crabcakes all up and down her body, ABC decided to up the sympathetic ante by infecting a 7 month-old baby with the disease. CBS weighed the option of blowing a handful of anthrax in Dan Rather's puss but decided against it at the last minute, letting one of his assistants soak in it. Tune in tonight for another cryptic and legally insane message from the DanMan as he finally gets to emote over his fallen comrade who I'm willing to bet he's never even met and if he has, it was probably no more than bumping into her in the CBS commisary.

Michael Jackson will be featured in the upcoming sequel to "Men In Black" in a small role that will showcase his acting chops. Maybe...just maybe...he'll be acting like he's really black. There's a stretch for ya. He originally turned the role down until it was explained to him that the title didn't necessarily mean "Men in Black Skin".

Here's a real shocker and I hope you're sitting down for it...Snoop Doggy Dogg was charged with marijuana possession on Wednesday after Ohio state troopers stopped two of his tour buses near Cleveland for speeding and found several bags of marijuana. Snoop is in the middle of his "Puff, Puff, Pass" tour. Snoop's mother is reportedly devastated and has publicly stated that she had no idea her son smoked the herb. When asked if this arrest was going to deter him from smoking marijuana, Snoop responded by coughing a lung up.

A Washington public interest group is calling on Coca Cola to stop using the Harry Potter character in a new ad campaing, claiming the company is using the boy wizard to hook kids on its sugary soft drinks, which contributes to obesity, diabetes and tooth decay.


NOW they fucking tell me.

20th Century Fox is announcing that "Star Wars: Episode I--The Phantom Menace" is close to breaking the first-week DVD sales record of two million copies, set last week by Universal's "The Mummy Returns". The blockbuster also scored a first-day sales record with $17 million worth of discs sold.

This explains why there's been a shortage of nerds in malls nationwide over the last few days and also why comic shops and record stores have been reporting a dwindling number of geeks hanging around quoting "Star Trek" catchphrases and pretending that they're characters from a Kevin Smith movie.

The head of MTV, Judy McGrath, is reportedly considering dropping musician extraordinaire Jay-Z's videos from rotation now that he's pleaded guilty to stabbing another record executive and received three years' probation.

Wait a sec...he's stabbed ANOTHER record executive? How many does this make??

Y'know...a lot of people say they miss the days when MTV played videos. I just miss the days when they played videos by musicians and not murderers.

Do you think that if I stabbed a record executive, I'D get three years probation? I'd get the f'n electric chair. They'd strap me into Yellow Mama's arms and fry my ass until I was well done.

Three years probation. Oh yeah. That'll teach the punk not to stab any more millionaires.

And finally... Twisted Sister has reunited to headline a benefit concert at New York's Hammerstein Ballroom for victims of the World Trade Center disaster.

Seriously...did anybody ASK for this to happen? Was there ANYBODY out there saying "Dammit all to life would have been absolutely complete if I had just caught the Sister in concert one time."

I'd take a Carpenters Reunion Show over Twisted Sister.

And yes, I'm fully aware that Karen Carpenter's dead. She's still easier on the eye than an aging Dee Snider wearing blue eyeshadow.

That's it for me. See ya tomorrow, Bullwinkle.

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