HEY!! LET'S SCREW THE RECORDING INDUSTRY!!

You know who I hate??

I mean RRRRREALLY REALLY HATE?!?

These fucking Nazis.

The way they goose step all over the place with their hands held out in front of them and ... and ... and the way they just think they can gas Jews and burn crosses in black people's yards and kill the Catholics ...

...Man...they just make me sick.

Now ... I KNOOOOWWWWW this will open me up to a ton of hate mail and insensitive messages on the message board.

"Uncle Bob, I'm a Nazi scumbag and I don't think it's funny how you just tear into Nazis like that. We are some very nice people who think that our shit doesn't stink and that we are the superior race and that there's no room for any other race on this Earth. I wish you'd take back what you said and hug a Nazi today."

Uh-uh. Sorry.

"Uncle Bob, YOU'RE the one who's blind to everyone else's causes. Gassing Jews can be a great learning experience."

I don't think so. Take it somewhere else, Adolf.

"Uncle Bob, if you don't take back what you said about Nazis ... I'm going to come and steal your kid and brand a swastika on his baby ass."

Bring it on, you skinhead mofo.

Wait.

I have nothing against skinheads. Let me clarify that. Skinheads are neither cool or shunned in my mind. They're just there, walking around in society and being skinheads. I'm not a skinhead and I don't know any skinheads personally.

...Just to clarify.

So any of you Nazis out there that read this diary...STOP READING IT NOW.

You are polluting my diary with your eyeballs.

STOP.

Oh yeah...especially the fat Nazis. Man...skinny Nazis can really be a bitch, but those fat Nazis???

(Uncle Bob shudders)

(Once again ... the above diatribe is the fifth in a series of silly tongue-in-cheek hate mongering rants against a certain group of people. It is not intended to be serious and if there are any Nazis--especially fat Nazis--reading this ... well ... I hope you weren't offended. Then again ... you're a Nazi. I doubt seriously there's a sensitive Nazi reading this right now, boo-hoo-hooing in their Cheerios.)

HEY!!!

I did this about a year or so ago, but I think with the waning days of Napster looming over us, it's time I did it again.

I want EVERYBODY who reads this diary to sign my Message Board and give me a list of at LEAST three songs that we ALLLL need to download before Napster closes.

Your top three favorite songs. If you can't give just three...hell...give more.

I've got something like 5,000 MP3s ... not all of them on my hard drive anymore though ... and I've reached the point where I've got everything I need or want to the best of my knowledge.

So now ... I want the MP3s that rock YOUR world.

Then, we can all go to the Message Board over the next several days before they shut the bad boy down and download some great songs that we didn't originally think of but are loved by others.

This morning I downloaded Tricky's "She Makes Me Wanna Die", an MP3 that No Alarms suggested in her diary. Man...that's an awesome song and one that I would have never downloaded.

Let's all give one last big screw to the recording industry by swapping our fave tunes back and forth on the Message Board .

Sound like a decent idea?

Sound like a good way to kill a couple of hours this weekend??

Yep.

I thought so too.

Speaking of killing a couple of hours, I've got to write the recap for "Ed" for Mighty Big TV today.

There's three hours of my morning gone.

I enjoy doing it and I'm so thankful that Sarah and Tara have allowed me to write such a thing.

But it takes my ass THREE HOURS to do.

Ah well. Beats digging ditches I guess.

I'm really getting sick of this lampshade that my dog has to wear around her head.

She still hasn't gotten completely used to it, so every time she walks around the house, she's smashing this thing into walls, legs, chairs, babies...whatever she can find.

I know I shouldn't be pissed at her about it. It's not her fault she's obsessive compulsive about her ass and has to lick and bite it every waking moment.

Yes it is her fault, I guess. I certainly didn't instill it into her. I didn't bring her home from the Animal Shelter as a puppy 11 years ago and carefully demonstrated to her the proper way to bite one's ass.

She did that on her own.

Ah well. She's asleep behind my chair right now, not making a peep. So I can't really bitch about her.

But...that doesn't stop me from trying.

I had to interview the Chancellor of Auburn University at Montgomery yesterday.

This was the last college that I attended back in my college days.

It was really strange. I have no problem talking to high school principals and people like that.

But this lady ... she's the top dog of my alma mater.

She had a HUGE office. I got lost in it three times. At one point, I was stuck behind a potted plant, screaming "Dr. Nance!! Dr. Nance!! I'm over here!!! Come find me!!!"

She found me and made me sit down.

It was kinda cool, because last night was supposed to be the school's big Mardi Gras parade and celebration. Lotsa fireworks, bands, food, fun, etc.

Except all day long, the threat of severe thunderstorms and tornados loomed over the city.

Finally, while I was in there interviewing her, a group of people came in to get her permission to cancel the festivities and alert the media at once.

She said that's fine.

Heh.

It rained for about 15 minutes last night. Got a little windy at one point.

Other than that ... nothing.

I bet she's cursing the local weathermen for their incessant Chicken Little acts that they performed for the last several days.

I came home after that interview to be with my little boy who had been watched by Grandma all day.

I think I've written here before how Grandma's a little nuts about her politics and her talk radio addiction.

Today, she wanted to tell me all about this lunatic guy on Talk Radio by the name of Art Bell.

Art has admitted that he's been abducted by aliens in his past. Right there ... that's reason enough for me to shut the radio off. And reason enough for Grandma to buy t-shirts with "I was abducted with Art Bell" on them.

She goes on and on for 30 MINUTES about how Art had some people on the show who say that the moonwalk was a hoax.

A HOAX.

I interjected that I've seen the footage, I've done the research and that the moonwalk was not a hoax. Michael Jackson practiced very hard to perfect that move.

No, stupid. The actual MOON walk.

Apparently, some "very intelligent scientists" (according to Grandma) have come out and said that if we knew what REALLY happened on the moon, we would all lose faith in Christianity.

Huh??

Grandma is a wacko, Art Bell is a wacko, anybody he has on his show is a wacko and anybody who listens to him is a wacko.

Of course, I'd rather be a wacko than a Nazi, but that's just my opinion.

I put Susie on a waiting list for an hour long massage at the local spa today.

She was s'posed to call on Monday for a massage...didn't do it.

Nor Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday.

So yesterday, I took matters into my own hands and called.

They're booked solid. If there's a cancellation, she gets her back kneaded and squeezed. If not, I've gotta listen to her bitch all day about her back needing popped.

Wooohooo indeed.

I went to KFC last night.

We were going to go out to dinner, but Susie got home late, there was a threat of bad weather, Andy had napped most of the afternoon and was wide awake and just LOOKED like if we took him out in public, he'd get bored and start crying.

And I was in t-shirt and boxers with no great desire to put clothes back on to go out and eat a meal surrounded by loud and obnoxious people.

A commercial came on for those KFC spicy BBQ wings.

"I want those," Susie said.

Okey dokey.

I put on a pair of sweats and cruised up to KFC.

Everyone and their mother musta just seen that commercial and said the same thing because the drive thru lane was wrapped around the building.

I got in line and timed the ordeal.

25 minutes later, I got my order.

Got home, opened the box and commenced eating.

These things tasted like those little Super Balls that bounce to Heaven and back. Dipped in tabasco sauce and ketchup.

Yum.

My favorite.

(That was sarcasm at its finest).

I went to bed at 8:30 last night...DOG TIRED...woke up at 6:30 this morning.

I FEEL GOOD!!!

Have a great weekend, kiddies. I may be here tomorrow, I may not. We'll see.

MP3 DOWNLOAD OF THE DAY

The MP3 Downloads are all listed on my Message Board . Share your favorite tunes with others and let's get the most out of Napster TODAY!!!