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17:44:41 - 2000-04-06

Hello females.

Have you ever wondered what it must be like to share an evening of passion with Uncle Bob?

Wait no more...

Introducing ... the contest to end all Diaryland contests ....


That's right. Ladies ... you now have the chance to win three scintillating evenings alone with the name dropper...the show stopper... the all night long bopper....


You're sitting there shaking right now, aren't you?

Begging for more info ... are ya??

Here's the rules. Send me a message on my message board in 25 words or less why you think YOU should have the ever-so-sec-sayy Uncle Bob deflower you like a blind florist.

The winner of the contest will have their cherry popped and handed to them on a silver platter ... once I get done huffing, puffing , perspiring and taking the Lord's name in vain from atop of you.

A silver platter with a popped cherry on top.

Isn't that how you always imagined it?

So start working on those essays. Remember ...25 words or less.

Good luck!!

Uncle Bob's "I Wanna Have My Cherry Popped By Uncle Bob" contest is available only to women of the female persuasion. No one under 18 admitted without a parent. If you are under the age of 18, you must have a fake I.D. and be ready to sign an affadavit swearing up and down you told me you were 19. All winners of the "I Wanna Have My Cherry Popped By Uncle Bob" contest will be responsible for all their own travel expenses, including but not limited to: Airfare, hotel, food, cab fare, condoms, sexy lingerie that makes your boobs look bigger than they actually are, and Heineken and a Subway sandwich for me. Upon winning, I will post your name on the site and tell you to get your ass to Alabama. Once you arrive here, I'll set you up in the Pine Lake Motel ('re paying...). Upon check-in, you will give me beer and sandwich money, usually $100 covers it, and I will go get us some brewskis. I'll come back in about four hours, wasted as hell, and you'd better have that sexy lingerie on at this point. I'll try to deflower you gently, just like in the movies, but with a lot more belching. Once I begin losing interest, I'll turn on the spew juice and you'll officially be a woman. We'll watch the end of "Law and Order" together, after which I will take you back to the airport where you can buy a return ticket to wherever the hell you are and spend the night in a lonely airport while Uncle Bob snores loudly next to his pregnant and non-sex-wanting wife. Winner agrees to have her ass grabbed lustfully in front of the people at the airline ticket counter.

Uncle Bob Inc. can guarantee that NO sexually transmitted diseases will be transferred from his end and as long as you're really a virgin and not a virgin wannabe ... but can NOT guarantee you will NOT walk away from the rendesvouz knocked up. Uncle Bob's baby batter is some strong and potent stuff. It has been used as makeshift cement in the construction of grass huts in South Africa. Strong, I'm telling you ...strong.

In the event word gets out that the winner and Uncle Bob did the nasty, Uncle Bob, Inc. reserves the right to not only deny the whole affair, but call the winner a "dirty little nympho" who has trouble saying no to humans as well as most barnyard animals.

Women who are not technically virgins may still apply, but ... let's face it ... the virgin's get first dibs on the Bobber of Love. However ... if a non-virgin is able to get Lil' Uncle Bob stirring in 25 words or less ... we may be able to strike up a deal and leave the virgins panting.

If Uncle Bob's wife finds out and calls the winner to threaten her with death, the winner agrees not to panic and to deny everything.

The winner agrees to get a little sun or tanning bed action before she loses her virginity to Uncle Bob.

She must also have blonde hair. If the winner is not blond, a blond wig will be provided. Brunettes are okay ... but c'mon...a blond virgin? They just don't come along very often and I'm going to have to brag about SOMETHING here...

Did I mention the winner's gotta pay for everything? Just making sure...

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