A MAJOR, MAJOR SCOOP

Gawsh.

I promised you major scoops and I DELIVER, baybeeee!!!

Are you ready?

Are you sitting down?

Okay...here goes...hope you're sitting down for this one...

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I BOUGHT A NEW YANKEE CANDLE TODAYYYYY!!!

What? Not the scoop you were hoping for? You wanted me to admit my undying love to you?

Get real.

It's called "Christmas Cookie" and I think it smells pretty good. It smells like...well...if I had to put my finger on a certain scent...I'd say it smells like Christmas Cookies.

Then again...I now have a full blown cold, so it could smell like chicken shit for all I know.

You wanna know my idea of Heaven? Having every single scent of Yankee Candle in my office.

Muh Gawd. I would squeal with fat guy delight if I had those.

Ya wanna know the real suckass part about mall walking?

When you see someone you know.

Yesterday, I saw an old co-worker from the 80s. I never really cared for her so I just turned my head as Edweird and I brushed past her.

But today, I HAD to stop. I saw the sister of my buddy who died this past summer. We practically ran into each other so there was no avoiding her.

I'm sure I looked antsy. Once you get your heart rate going you're not supposed to stop. Even when you run into your dead friend's sister.

And I'm not completely ready to admit that I'm a mall walker to everyone. So I have to stop and make small talk, all the while I can feel my heart rate slowing down to a grinding halt.

If I was truly "Uncle Bob", I'd say "Look honey...no time for chitchat. I've lost 20 lbs. in two months and got 50 more to lose. Say hi to your parents for me, kiss kiss and all that shit."

But I'm not.

So we talked for a few minutes.

Then I got back in mall walker mode and finished the jaunt.

I might need to start going mall walking earlier or later than noon each day.

I'm typing out loud now...sorry.

I watched "Joy Ride" the other night after downloading it off Morpheus.

DAMN! What a good movie!

I was on the edge of my seat through most of the movie. I fell off the edge a couple of times which would have been embarrassing had I been in an actual theater, but since I was at home and only the dog was watching me, I managed to save face.

I don't think it's still playing in theaters, but when it comes out on video, watch it if you like tense thrillers.

You hear me?? Watch it, you punk ass!

You know I haven't even commented on George Harrison's death yet.

So I think I will.

George was my least favorite Beatle.

When I was a kid, I won a George Harrison vinyl blow-up doll at a county fair.

I cried. I wanted Ringo or Paul.

Fuckin' George. Ruined my whole damned childhood, he did.

Can't say I really miss him either.

Granted, this screws up any plans for a third Traveling Wilburys disc.

That makes me sad.

Well...not really.

I guess you could say I'm "unfazed" by his death. That might be the best way to categorize my feelings.

I'm taking three days off at Christmas so that now I'll have a total of 11 days off in a row.

I am SOOOO looking forward to that. This will be the first real "vacation" I've ever had that went past five days.

I love my new job.

Love it, love it, love it.

Speaking of new jobs, I've gotta get crackin' here...lunchtime is over kiddies.

My new candle smells so damned good.

I can tell you're jealous.

Peace out.