I HAVE A MINDBLOWING ASS

Soooo...Whatcha think??

First off, all props to No Alarms who came up with this brand spankin' new design that I've fallen head over heels in love with. Her prices for web design are extremely reasonable, she only charged me $1,295 for this new look.

Not too bad,eh?

And ... of course ... she takes layaway.

Welll...the wife just came out here and spent 30 minutes telling me she thinks the baby has a cold.

Gee hon...what gave you that idea? The constant hacking or the snot-encrusted upper lip?

OF COURSE the kid has a cold, dear....it's obvious. The only thing I can think of MORE obvious is Robert Downey Jr.'s constant state of wiredness.

Sheesh.

But ya know, our little hero hasn't whined ONE IOTA over this cold. He's still grinning between each cough and every sneeze, just a' cooing and a' gooing.

I STILL haven't really held him other than to pick him up when he's crying and give him to Mama. I've been VERY careful about handing my germs over to him on a silver platter and have tried not to do so.

Today, I take him to day care for the first time. Susie's been doing it every day up until now. I think, more than anything, she wants to see if I can find the damned house on my own.

I think I can.

"Think" being the operative word here.

Well, yesterday was Mattie Gee's last day at the paper.

Kinda anti-climactic in that we decided to have lunch together at least once a week.

And I'll be taking him his paycheck later today.

And we're still buddies.

And it's almost like he hasn't left, except it's deadly quiet around the office now that his rapid-style child babble isn't permeating the office walls anymore.

Oh.

And I've had to start being nicer to the people that are still there at work because I want them to like me now that he's gone. When he was here, I didn't give a shit if people liked me or not ... I had Mattie Gee.

Now...I...uhhh...need friends.

*grin*

Honestly ... I could give two shits if they liked me.

I say that.

But I'm the ONLY one there that everyone likes.

Go me.

I watched "Oz" last night and had the worst time going to sleep afterwards.

But I ALWAYS do after "Oz". Not that it disturbs me that much ... it's just that I watch it RIGHT before I go to bed, then I go to bed and my mind's still racing from the plotlines.

I need to start taping it and watching it in the mornings.

Yeah.

That's what I need to do alright.

Watched "The Mole" last night as well, keeping my record for being the only person in America still watching the show.

I really like the show, but there's NEVER anyone to sit and chat with me about it except the wife and she's too busy cleaning snot off the baby's face to talk about a reality TV show.

What became peculiar to me last night is that now all the minorities have been voted off the show, leaving six white people. The two blacks and one hispanic are gone. And another white girl.

I think Charlie's the Mole.

Yep.

There. I just had a one-sided conversation about the Mole.

I feel better now.

I'm supposed to go interview some ballerinas today about the upcoming "Romeo and Juliet" ballet to be presented here next weekend.

I KIDDINGLY told our sales manager that she could go in my place since she's infatuated with one of the male ballerina's asses. Apparently (I wouldn't know), it's tighter than Howard Hughes.

...His ass, that is.

But, I started thinking about it yesterday and she really has no business doing my work for me, so I'm going to go instead of her.

Her libido will be crushed.

But I'll offer her an ass substitute.

MY OWN.

Y'see ... even though I'm a big man ... my ass is still the same size that it was in elementary school.

I have a tiny ass. A practically non-existant ass.

It's still very muscular. Just yesterday, I caught it picking quarters up off a table.

It's an amazing ass.

Is it obvious I have nothing else to report?

Take care, hope you like the new look. Get used to it, bucko.

Oh yeah...a special shout out to the Schmezinator who's getting married today after almost a week of engagement. You GO GIRL!!