PLEASE KEEP THE CLAPPING TO A MINIMUM...DADDY'S GOT A HEADACHE

Yawwwwwn.

Okay...I DIDN'T walk this morning. This officially makes me a BAD PERSON.

I haven't walked since Friday, hours before my surgery. Forgive me...but after three days of not walking, it was tough for me to get in the groove this morning.

I woke up at 4:30 and laid there. Since I didn't get to sleep until after midnight, I thought "Do I REALLY wanna get up and go out there in 30+ degree temps and walk two miles?"

The answer was clearer than the space between Mariah Carey's ears.

No.

So I rolled back over and decided to go back to sleep.

...The Boy had a different idea. He started howling at 5 a.m., wanting to come get him some of that sweet, sweet boobie.

So I got up, gently lifted him out of his crib and took him to Mama.

"Here," I told my wife who was three-quarters asleep as I handed the baby to her.

"Mmmghuhffah," she said back.

I have no idea if the kid got fed or not. I came out here and downloaded the new Rob Zombie disc and made a CD.

Nothin' like a lil' Zombie to kick off the morning at 5 a.m. That'll jumpstart your morning parallel to hooking your nips up to a car battery.

The boy and I had the evening to ourselves last night, so now that he's one, he got a taste of what it's like to be an adult.

First, we had peanut butter sandwiches on pita bread, a hot dog and some angel hair pasta for dinner.

Followed by cigars and brandy.

Well...HE had the cigars and brandy. I don't smoke or drink.

Then we laid down on the floor and watched game shows. We caught a little "Wheel of Fortune" which made him clap. Then "The Weakest Link" which made him clap. Then we settled down for a little make-believe stage fighting with the WWF.

...Which made him clap.

He's a little slow. He should have learned to clap like six months ago and he just learned how to do it within the last week. So everything makes him clap now. It's like carrying around your own personal audience.

"I'd like to bring the lights down low and do a little number entitled ... 'It's Time To Change Your Diaper'."

CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP.

"Thank you, thank you very much, you're too kind. Ladies and gentlemen, if you may, I'd like to direct your attention to the baby wipes, who will be sitting in with us this evening on a song I like to call...'It's Time To Wipe The Baby's Ass'."

CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP.

"Oh thank you! You ... you complete me. On the ass flute tonight we have Mr. Andy Sdirtyass."

CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP.

"Alright kid...knock it off. It was funny the first four days, now it's getting old."

CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP.

*sigh*

CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP.

We couldn't get him to stop clapping the other night when we had his pictures taken. The few pictures we decided to go with were about the only ones where his hands weren't a total blur.

Have I whored his picture page out enough in the last three entries?

Yes??

Good.

Not much else to report. My Zombie disc is finished, so I think I'll go throw it on the stereo in the den, crank it up to 30 and see if I can wake the wife and kid up.

Talk to ya later.