WHAT?? NO "MARRIED WITH CHILDREN" REUNION??

As hard as I try I just can't get Andrew's New Diaryland Theme Song out of my head.

It's just so ... EMO!!

(Y'see...yer old Uncle Bob can be one cool hepcat when he wants to be...)

"Diaryland...lalalalalala...Diaryland...you write it with your hands...Diaryland...lalalalalalala..."

It shreds, dude.

Hey....thanks to all of you who visited The Spicolis page yesterday and bombarded their guestbook with variations on the same phrase over and over again.

About 70 of you guys signed it, which was way cool for me because you know...it was a childish prank that I was playing on the band and I appreciate you guys doing it.

They really are a cool band and if you checked out their songlist, you can tell by that they really know how to entertain an audience.

I talked to Mattie Gee yesterday and he thought the whole thing was pretty amusing. He couldn't wait to see the other guys in the band and hear them say "Who the hell is Uncle Bob?". The guys know me...they just don't know me as Uncle Bob.

So ... you know...ha ha ha and all that shit.

Yesterday I had to go to a press conference at our local FOX affiliate and watch clips of all the new shows for the Fall Schedule so they can get an idea of what will work and what won't. I took my trusty sidekick/summer intern Bernie with me because Bernie likes to write entertainment stories and I figured this would be a good story to write.

Here's what I think will work...

"UNDECLARED"...it's a half hour comedy sorta like "That 70's Show" except it's based in the present and it revolves around a guy going off to college. It looked pretty funny really.

Ummmm..."THE TICK" is a live action show based on the cartoon of the superhero Tick. The only problem is they're pairing it with "Family Guy" and putting that hour on against "Survivor". I don't like either of the show's chances against "Survivor" but FOX says they're going after a whole different demographic than "Survivor" is.

WhatEVer. It's not going to work.

Which is a shame because both Family Guy and The Tick are about the two funniest shows Fox has to offer if you conveniently forget about The Simpsons.

Yep.

That's my two cents.

There's also "The Bernie Mac Show", which didn't look all that great, but Bernie Mac was one of the first celebrity interviews that I ever did, so I have a special place in my heart (right next to one of the valves) for Bernie Mac.

The shows that look "suckalicious":

"24" which has a cool premise, but a sucky show. It stars Kiefer Sutherland as some guy who gets involved with the assassination of a president or some shit. The thing is...each hour-long show is shot in real time...there's 24 episodes, hence the entire season will be one day ...hour by hour.

You've GOT to think the first six episodes will suck because it's just him sleeping for six hours.

Then he's gotta get up and shower and read the paper and drink some coffee in episode 7.

Episode 8 is the drive to work. Now THAT'S Must-See-TV, folks.

Like I said...cool premise. But I was completely lost during the highlight reel we were shown.

There's some hour-long chick drama..."Emma Brody". Man. I wanted to arm wrestle somebody after watching that one. It was wayyyyy too female for me.

Same with "Pasadena". I'll pass on Passadena.

And "Greg The Bunny" I have mixed emotions on. It's a comedy with Eugene Levy and Seth Green ... where puppets come to life. And Greg the Bunny is the star of some kid's show. It's like a hipper version of The Muppet Show, but it's still kinda strange as hell.

Anyway...that's my take on the new FOX lineup. And freebies SUCKED this year. In the past I've gotten some pretty cool promotional stuff...clocks...dolls...posters, etc.

This year...a huggie, koozie, whatever they call it in your neck of the woods....and a pencil.

Gee thanks. This was almost worth the gallon of gas it took me to come over here.

Finished watching "Best In Show" yesterday. I guess I'd recommend it...the last 45 minutes are much better than the first. Fred Willard as the Dog Show announcer was hilarious. Give it a shot.

We think Andy's cutting a top tooth now. He's all congested and Susie can see a nub coming down.

This kid's gonna have all his teeth before he's a year old. He's moving along quickly in the teeth department, lemme tell ya.

Gawd.

I think I've told y'all...my wife suffers from night terrors. They're like really intense nightmares that she can't remember, but they leave her screaming her lungs out, running around the room and with her heart racing a mile a minute.

So last night she has the first one that she's had in years.

I fell asleep in the guest bedroom last night because I went to bed at 8:15, EXHAUSTED.

At 12:45, I heard her screaming like Freddy Krueger was standing over her.

I jumped out of bed and met her in the hallway where she just hugged me and cried.

Of course...Andy...being six months old...didn't really know what to do with Mama screaming her lungs out right outside his door so he was now crying pretty heavily.

I hugged Susie and told her everything was okay and to go back to bed which she did and promptly went back to sleep.

I went in to Andy's room, patted his butt and let him know that everything's alright, his mama's just a crazy lady and he could go back to sleep now.

Oops. He wanted to play.

I turned on his Fisher Price aquarium so that'd he'd have something to entertain himself with and went back to bed.

He jabbered for about five minutes and then went back to sleep.

My God.

This has turned into an official boring diary.

Granted...some would say that happened a year or so ago.

...Bastards...

So a week from now, we'll be up in Charlotte, North Carolina visiting some old friends of ours and their new 2-month old baby.

Then on Saturday, it's down to Columbia, S.C. to visit my parents and show them their grandson that they haven't seen since he was three weeks old.

Then Sunday, it's the long drive home with a teething baby.

Yahoo.

THIS is how I wanted to spend my 40s.

Well, everyone's up and I'm being rude by sitting in here gabbing to you guys.

So it's off to see the wife and kid.

Take care.