MR. SHORT TERM MEMORY SPAN

Howdeeeeeee!!!

Hey you...how goes it??

Y'know...that reminds me ... I worked with a guy about 20 years ago ... he'd always greet people with "What about it?"

Nothing mean or nasty about it. But it always sounded like he was starting a fight to me.

Anyway...

Talked to Dad this a.m. He was giving me some facts about his brain aneurysm.

Out of 100 people, 50 of those die instantly from the aneurysm.

Out of those 50 remaining, 25 of them die on the operating table.

Out of the 25 remaining, half of them come out of the operation "different".

The remaining 12.5 people live life as if it never veered off the highway.

...Y'know...life is a highway...and I'm gonna ride it all night long...

*ahem*

So anyway...my dad and my family are truly blessed. He's had a few headaches, but he's driving himself to work for a few hours today.

...And he just had this thing on May 4th.

Sorry...I'm giddy ...switch to "Uncle Bob" mode.

ALRIGHT!!! WHO THE HELL TRACKED THIS DIRT INTO MY DIARY?!?!?!?!

Ahhh...mucho better-o ...

Today, I think I wanna tell ya'll 'bout my buddy Rad.

He's just the coolest guy. And that's no lie. He kissed the girls and made them cry.

Actually, Rad's been in the local radio biz for about 20 years, we've been friends for about 16 of those years.

Looking back, he's one of the oldest friends I have now ...both figuratively (he's in his 40s) and the other way (longevity).

We first met when I was doing stand-up. One of the other comedians, Cat Collins, had grew up with Rad and they worked together in radio for a while.

Rad was soooo drunk and obnoxious, that I just wanted to hit him.

He's sobered up over the years.

But he's still obnoxious as ever.

But...he's always there with cool stuff.

He's given me more tickets to concerts than I could go to.

Same with CDs.

He's ALWAYS got a car full of freebies and giveaway stuff. Every time I see him, he just hands me something, says "Here's some shit...enjoy" and I do.

He's too cool.

Jeez...I was REALLY hoping I could talk more about Rad. Ummmm...he called me today and wanted a Press Pass for Jubilee this weekend.

Sonofabitch can get ANY TICKET IN THE WORLD ... but he can't get a press pass for Jubilee.

I've got six.

And they're SLOOOOOOWLY being promised out to people. I told Rad I'd "see what I can do".

Translation = "No way in hell".

It's so funny...every year, the week before Jubilee...I hear from people I haven't heard from since last May.

Last night, my old TV co-host Bonnie called me up.

First, she wanted to put me down as a reference on a resume.

"Yes, Bonnie...that's fine."

Then she wanted to make sure we were going to have a Suite for Jubilee to come get drunk in.

"Yes, Bonnie...we sure are."

Then she wanted to know if she could get a press pass from me.

"I'll see what I can do, Bonnie."

Anyway ... when it comes to sucking up for cool stuff ... look no further than me and Cat.

Cat Collins used to be an afternoon deejay here in town who dabbled in stand-up as well as professional wrestling.

We became mutual buds through the comedy thing. After a while, we started doing stupid wrestling bits on stage. He'd heckle me, I'd yell back at him, he'd get up on stage, put me in the sleeper hold, and I'd "pass out" on stage.

Whooohoooo. That's comedy, people.

We only did that a few times. But we did become good pals.

Cat left all that to go work for Geffen Records in Atlanta.

His first job was to accompany the Black Crowes on tour.

Heh. Heh heh.

In 1992 (I think), the Black Crowes put on a free concert in a park in Atlanta as part of the Great American Pot Festival.

Cat called me up and told me to bring a friend, and we'd all hang out backstage.

It was way cool. Since Chris and Rich Robinson are way cooler than Uncle Bob, I kept my distance from them. Cat introduced me to them, and I just said "Hey guys...dig the music".

Yup.

I sincerely have a way with words.

Of course, they probably thought I was a Narc which would explain why they just said "Hey" and walked away.

Anyway...

Y'know...I really had something to talk about when I first got here.

But I'll be damned if I can remember what the hell it was, now.