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6:31 a.m. - 2001-04-1


I can't keep doing this.

By "this", I mean forcing myself to get up at 4:30 a.m. every morning, grabbing a Coke, and racking my brain, trying to come up with something, ANYTHING to entertain you guys.

I'm tired.

I'm really, really tired.

And it's not just today...I'm tired EVERY day.

And I've thought about it long and hard and it's because of this diary.

I get, on average, about five hours of sleep a night. If I didn't have to write this thing, I'd easily get seven, perhaps eight hours of sleep.

And then there's Andy.

He gets up at roughly 5:30 a.m. each morning. Mama and Andy BOTH know that Daddy's on the computer, updating his diary at this time and is NOT to be bothered.

Is that fair???

My baby boy is sitting in the den, while Daddy's in the computer room, frantically trying to come up with something remotely funny so he doesn't let his "Army" down.

I'm tired.

And this has all gotten too demanding.

That said...I've got to shut down this diary.

I apologize to those who I've always told I'd be here for years.

I truly thought I would be.

When that contest was held last week and I threatened to quit this diary if I didn't win, I meant it.

I meant it because I REALLY wanted to quit writing this diary. But you guys ... guys helped me win it.

I'm thankful for that as well as the fact that I've made some great friends who like what I do here, as ignorant as it sometimes can be.

But I'm tired. And I'd like to hold and play with my baby before he goes to daycare each day.

I don't think that's asking too much.

So thanks for everything, guys. I really appreciate it. It's meant a lot for me to have you guys accept me in this forum and I cannot stress that enough.

It's time for someone else to step up to the challenge to try and entertain you. Check my profile page ... each of those people, in my humble opinion, have a little "Uncle Bob" in each of them and should be able to fill in quite nicely.

To the "Army", thanks. Without your support and your love, I know I wouldn't have lasted this long. You can still read my weekly columns if you absolutely need to keep up with me.

To those of you who tried to tear me down, thanks too. You brought subjects to my attention that I wasn't aware of. I'll admit, I haven't been the most sensitive bastard at times and I'm sorry for offending some of you who wasted no energy to let me know it.

In general, thanks.

It's been a great ride.

"Uncle Bob"

...Or as my friends call me ... Jim.

One more thing before I go...

Check the date at the top of the columns.

One word...suckers.

April Fool's you big dumbshit. Did you REALLY think I'd leave THAT easily?

My embarrass me with your gullibility.

If, in fact, that's a word.

The sad part is...when I do finally say goodbye to Diaryland, you guys aren't going to believe me.

Ah well.

Did I fool ya??

Did I???

(Uncle Bob grins and rubs his hands fiendishly saying "MUAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!)

So anyway ...

Andy finally laughed yesterday. And ironically ... it was my sister that finally coaxed it out of him.

Ironically because I was the first person to make her smile as a baby. And she was the first person to make my baby laugh.

Ironic, oui??

All it took was for her to lift him up over her head, make silly sounds at him, and then "drop" him down a few feet to chest level. My God...the kid laughed like he was watching an endless loop of old ladies slipping on ice patches and busting their asses.

We got it on video, and it's probably the most cherished moment I've taped so far. I teared up a bit as I listened to him laugh so effortlessly.

Just another thing I owe my sister for, I guess.

We've had a lot of fun with them here, my sis and her boyfriend.

Went out to lunch yesterday at McAllister's Deli. I have no idea if you have a McAllister's in your area but take my word for it ... it's a damned good deli.

Went to the Mulberry District afterwards, which is an area in town with all these specialty shops lined up and down the street and on side streets. My sister loves these shops and always wants to go when she comes to town. Antique shops, candle shops, consignment stores...that kinda stuff.

We then went to the mall to walk some more.

Came home, walked the baby and the dog. Played around on the computer, since my sister is a cavewoman and still doesn't have a personal computer. As she says, she'd never leave the house if she was connected to the Internet.

Well duh. I thought that was the whole reason to get the Internet. So you wouldn't have to leave the house.

Jeez Louise.

THEN...THEN...THEN...we went to Conestoga Steak House, which used to be my FAVORITE steak restaurant ever.

They closed down in 1998.

I weeped. Openly.

How DARE my steakhouse be taken away????


Eventually, I got over it. I moved on. I visited other steak houses and choked down their dried-up pieces of meat.

But I pined for Conestoga.

Then, about six weeks ago, I saw the sign.

"Conestoga Steak House...Opening Soon."

Did I pee a few drops in my jockeys when I read that??

You bet yer sweet ass, mama.

They opened this week and it was a packed house last night. Hundreds of steak lovers were standing in line, weeping and welcoming an old friend back to town.

And it was just as delicious as it was when they left.

Well ... my steak was a little overcooked. But hey ... it's their first week open, so I refrained from waltzing into the kitchen and cracking skulls.

Came home last night, bathed Andy, gave the dog my bone (A t-bone, you pervs!), and Kristi and I surfed the web while Susie and Andy went to bed and Kristi's boyfriend read every newspaper from the last week.

Then we went to bed.


And I fucking HATE losing an hour of sleep because of this stupid Daylight Savings Time kerrrrap.

I already don't get enough sleep each night.

Have I covered this already?

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