SOME THINGS YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME

I have trouble throwing away magazines.

I'm a decent public speaker.

I won a Halloween costume contest in kindergarten, wearing one of those cheap flammable Bugs Bunny outfits but topped it off with a real carrot. The carrot is what cinched the win for me.

I have over 1,200 CDs. I have the entire Ryuchi Sakamoto collection and didn't even know it.

I think it would be fun to be security on Jerry Springer's show.

I always brush my hair ... never comb it.

I use Pert Plus shampoo and Close Up toothpaste.

I love me a good salad.

I once wrote a fan letter to Susan "Cindy Brady" Olson, who sent a form letter back to me telling me she liked horses. And completely rejecting my marriage proposal with her utter silence.

I also wrote to Butch Patrick who played Eddie Munster on "The Munsters". The bitch never wrote me back.

I stole comic books from a drugstore when I was a kid. For some reason, I saw nothing wrong with doing it.

I prefer mustard on my fries over ketchup.

I ate dog biscuits as a child to make my friends laugh and ended up liking them.

The first song I ever sang in front of an audience was Queens' "Bohemian Rhapsody".

I have always thought that Culture Club was underrated.

I was a Modern Woodsman of America as a young boy. That basically meant that Mom and Dad took out insurance for me and on a monthly basis I received a magazine in the mail that was the most boring piece of shit you could receive. Except one page had puzzles on it, which I liked.

I struggled with learning how to ride a bike. My dad used to run behind me and if I toppled over off the bike, he'd spank me.

My first concert was Thin Lizzy, Nazareth and Eddie Money at a motor speedway with my cousins.

My second concert was Pablo Cruise.

My personal drinking record is 22 beers in one night, 14 years ago. That's one record I don't ever WANNA break.

I smile more than I laugh.

I rode in a limo with Stevie Nicks one time in college. A friend of mine was interviewing her for the school newspaper.

I feel naked without a watch.

I haven't balanced a checkbook since 1986.

I would like to retire in Geneva, Switzerland.

My wife and I went to Gatlinburg, Tennessee for our honeymoon and stayed in a chalet on the side of a mountain. I remember it being really cold.

I could watch nature all day, as long as I was high as a kite.

I prefer a fine tip pen over a ball point pen.

I live for the mail.

I could never climb a rope and wouldn't even try it now.

I thank God every day for Glade Plug-Ins.

In my office at home I have a "Pulp Fiction" movie poster framed, a portrait of Cosmo Kramer framed and numerous shots of me with famous people all on my walls.

With over 5,000 toys in my collection, I do not have a favorite one.

I have seen a UFO.

I went out with a girl one time whose mouth had a sour "milk-like" taste to it. So the next day at school, I told a few friends about "Milkbreath" and it got all over school in a few days. After that she was known as Milkbreath for the rest of school.

I think salad forks are useless.

If I could have written any song I would have written "To Make You Feel My Love" by Bob Dylan.

I've had one major wreck. Nobody was hurt, but it tore the front end off of my brand new Camaro.

I called my grandmother "Hot Rod Granny" because she drove a convertible when I was 5.

I think this world would be a much better place if we lived like dogs and greeted each other by burying our noses into each other's crotches.

I feel another bad case of "Titanic Fever" coming back on.

I strongly believe that hotels expect you to steal their linens.

If given the choice between a corn dog and a kick in the ass, I'll take the corn dog.

I still think my greatest invention that I've always been too lazy to patent is "Tooth Paint". A do it at home painting of your front teeth where they sparkle for like 12 hours. I could set the world on fire with that if I could just find the time to do it.

I'm proud of myself because I found and downloaded the song that's in that Mitsubishi Eclipse commercial that has all the people going to a party and the hot babes lip-synching to the song. It's the Wiseguys doing "Start The Commotion".

I really need to be doing something else right now.