A QUIET EVENING WITH MY SON AND SOME WINNEBAGOS

Ahhhhhh...

I feel much better than I did yesterday, thanks for asking. I'm not sure if it's a 24 hour stomach flu virus or what...but things were NOT pretty in my bathroom last night.

We'll just leave it at that.

Thanks for all your cards and letters.

Oh...who am I kidding? NOT A SINGLE DAMNED ONE OF YOU sent me a card or letter wishing me well.

Bastards.

Don't think I'm going to forget this, chum. Next time you feel like you're about to shit a Winnebago, I'll just turn my head and remain mum on the subject as well.

That'll teach ya.

Well...Andrew learned something new last night.

He learned how to eat dog food.

I was ... ummmm...preoccupied...and I could hear him out there messing with the dog while she tried to eat her dinner.

She eats canned food...Mighty Dog. I know that a healthy dog is supposed to eat dry dog food, but my dog is anything but healthy.

So I'm calling out for Andrew. I can't move because I'm predisposed (passing Winnebagos) and I keep hollering "Andrewwwwwww! Andrewwwwwww!"

Finally, I hear him crawling towards me. Bitching up a storm too. "Blah blah blah blah," he's saying. He gets within my sight and grins.

There's Beef and Rice Dinner all over his chin, lips and nose.

He wasn't puking. He was smiling away. I guess Maggie showed him how to eat and he got right down there with her.

It had to happen sooner or later.

But it's not anything I'm going to share with his mother anytime soon.

Since Susie had her study session/crack whore meeting last night, it was up to Andrew and I to find something to eat.

We went to McDonald's. Mainly because Andrew was already smiling, and from what I understand, those bastards at McDonald's LOVE to see you smile.

He got a Chicken McNuggets Happy Meal while I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich.

Andrew was more into the McNuggets than his fries.

I hadn't had a french fry since the World Trade Center was still standing. So I thought...well gee...it's not going to "kill" me. I think I'll have a few of his fries.

Foolish move, Mr. Bond.

I was passing Winnebagos with trailer hitches after that. The body can't go without fried food and then just welcome it warmly with open arms.

Trust me on that one.

That's about it for now. I slept in this morning, content in the fact that I'm now an official yet inconspicuous mall walker. I "stroll" through the mall. I don't lift my arms up with each step or look like I'm trying to win a contest when I walk. I don't LOOK like a mall walker.

Which I noticed a lot of people doing yesterday. They LOOKED like they had a purpose other than to walk around the mall...but they were just like me and Edweird. Doing the inconspicuous mall walking.

And here I thought I invented it.

I'm soooo behind the times.