current entry older entries message board contact
12:21:27 - 2000-05-09


Hello fellow space cadets. Let's set our phasers on stun and ummmm...well shit...I never watched "Star Trek". I have no idea what happens when we set our phasers on stun.

Let's just try not to burn any phaser holes in the walls, hokay??

Gadzooks...Uncle Bob snuck up on the sleep monster yesterday, tackled him and stole a bagful of sleepy sleep for himself. words that a normal person would understand...I finally got some sleep.

I still feel as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs, but a few more nights of six hours of sleep should correct that eventually.

Today's the day that Dad gets over his "third hurdle" of his aneurysm. The first hurdle was when he first suffered it. The second hurdle was the operation and today marks the 4th day of his recovery which if he gets through today with no stroke, he will have a 100% recovery.

My family has truly been blessed. I've received numerous emails from you guys and gals who have lost parents and siblings and I cannot begin to comprehend the pain you went through.

I guess I could run through a plate glass window at full speed. But I still don't think that would begin to scratch the surface.

So yeah...I've got an even greater outlook on life now. Ever since this has happened, I have not suffered ONE IOTA of road rage. And I'm giving everyone the benefit of the doubt now. But I'm realizing that life isn't worth getting all pissy about.

It's too damned short.

Ah didn't come here to read my revelations on life and family and crap, didja??

You came here for yuks and ummm...ummmmm....ummmmmmmmmm....

What the hell are you here for??

Sure, many of you are hoping I post a nude pic of myself here one day.

But I think the rest come here just to feel safe in my cyber arms.


Once again, as you can tell, I have nothing interesting to write about.

Does ANYBODY think this "Battleship Earth" movie thing with John Travolta looks interesting??

Granted, I hate science fiction, but I dig the Travolta-Man. I'm going to have to pass on that gloppy schnort schnoodle.

And I saw a commercial for "Mission Impossible 2" last night. I think Tom Cruise musta watched "The Matrix" a few hundred times because the film looks like "The Matrix 2" rather than "M.I. 2".

Listen to me talking shit...I never saw Mission Impossible and only watched the first thirty minutes of "The Matrix" before I was totally lost and shut it off.

I bought the DVD of "Pink Floyd: The Wall" last week and watched a few scenes from it.

And cried.

Yes, I cried during "Pink Floyd: The Wall". Do I have a giant "P" on my forehead or what?

There's a scene early on in the film where a young boy who has lost his Daddy in the war is on a playground with all these other kids and their dads.

One dad is nice enough to put the young boy on a merry-go-round thing and the young boy becomes instantly attached to the dad.

As the dad and his son walk away hand in hand, the young boy runs over and takes the dad by the other hand to walk away with them.

The dad shakes the young boy's hand away and tells him to go away now and play.

The young boy without a daddy just stands there sadly and watches them walk away.

NOW THEN...I saw this BEFORE I heard all about my Dad getting sick and STILL cried.


No. I was actually thinking of my own unborn child and hoping that I never have to leave this world and my child behind.


I'm TRYING to lighten up here and have fun. And I just keep getting sucked right back into morose observations about life and family.


Hey...have you checked out Batman's secret diary yet?? My God...that's some funny stuff. I have a clue as to who's behind it all, and I don't mean Bruce Wayne. And if it's who I think it is ... just keep this diary going and drop the other one. This is hysterical!!

AND they had the foresight to do a secret diary based on a fictional character rather than a real life celebrity whose internet fan club are rabid teens who don't know a cheek full of tongue when they see it.

By the way ... thanks Frank for sticking up for you know who.


I am in a truly wonderful mood today, the first one in many, many ummmmm....sheesh...I'm always in a good mood....

The first in a few 'bout that?

Oh...we're 14 weeks pregnant now. Every week we get an email update to tell us what's going on with our kid.

This week, our kid's neck is fully developed and it has FINGERPRINTS!!

I have a feeling it's smudging up Mom's womb something fierce.

It's 4.5 inches long and weighs a whopping 21 POUNDS!!

...It's a fat baby I'm 'a tellin' ya...

It also says "You open the refrigerator door, only to be greeted by the nauseating smell of garlic. But you LOVE garlic. Or rather, you did. Now all sorts of smells seem unappealing at best, and gut-wrenching at worst. "

My wife informed me last night that my shit stinks.

And to think ... for YEARS I thought it didn't.


And with that joke, I have finally dislodged any sexual fantasy you may have ever harbored for me in that feeble little mind of yours.

...Except, of course, for Horsemanure , who will probably be building a shrine to me immediately.

Y'all have a great day. Keep Dad in your thoughts throughout today...if he gets through today with no setbacks, we're out of the woods.

Oh...and pray your Uncle Bob wins the Big Lottery tonight. If I go to bed with $340 million can bet your sweet ass I'm spreading the wealth.

Big week in Hawaii...I'm buying and EVERYONE'S invited.

You in???

0 comments so far
The last one/The next one

NEW!!!Come and write some BAD EROTICA with the cool kids!

My Diaryland Trading Card
Now go write a Suck Ass Poem™
Write me a note here.
Read my notes here.
Hey! Take the Uncle Bob Quiz!
What the hell! May as well take the wildly popular Uncle Bob Second Quiz too!
Thanks Diaryland
Designed by Lisa


Have you read these?

The End Of Uncle Bob - 12:28 p.m. , 2009-02-19

Losing Focus While Trying To Write A Blog Entry Is Cool. - 1:47 p.m. , 2008-12-04

Buck Up Junior, You Could Be Digging Ditches - 11:36 p.m. , 2008-10-31

That Sinking Feeling - 6:09 a.m. , 2008-10-28

Return Of The Karate Kid And His Slow Kitty-Lovin' Accomplice - 5:44 a.m. , 2008-10-22

Sign up for my Notify List and get email when I update!

powered by

Click on the button below to order the book "Never Threaten To Eat Your Co-Workers: Best of Blogs" featuring Uncle Bob.
You WON'T be sorry.


Read a random entry of mine.