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5:53 a.m. - 2001-12-03


Because I have shit else to write about this morning, I stole this from Schmez who stole it from Drugged who stole it from the Navajo Indians to prove that everything in the free world was at one time stolen and taken away from the Indians. Dammit all to hell...WHEN WILL THIS MADNESS STOP?!?

Top 5 songs that people should give a listen-

1) The Cure - "Fascination Street" (Extended Mix)

2) Drivin' 'n' Cryin' - "Straight To Hell"

3) Barenaked Ladies - "Break Your Heart" (Live)

4) Radiohead - "Creep" or "Fake Plastic Trees"

5) Bruce Springsteen - "Backstreets"

Top 5 things people say to you that annoy you:

1) "Is that your penis or do you have a bad case of groin acne?"

2) "We're with the Jehovah's Witnesses and wondered if we could have a few minutes of your time."

3) "Uncle's come to our attention that once again you're using your computer to surf for porno during your lunch hour. We've warned you about this before."

4) "Please stop touching me."

5) "I'm serious. Stop or I'll scream."

Top 5 things that turn you on about guys-

1) When they don't look at me with lust in their eyes.

2) When they buy me a drink and don't expect oral sex in return.

3) When they admit a secret affinity for pro wrestling.

4) When they let me see pictures of their girlfriends/wives naked.

5) When they pick up the check at lunch.

(Hindsight being 20/20...maybe I should have changed "guys" to "girls")

Top 5 movies you watch all the time-

1) Showgirls. I've seen it several times and it just gets worse and worse each time.

2) Pulp Fiction. An extremely clever film.

3) Halloween. Still a great creepy movie.

4) Fast Times At Ridgemont High. Take away the blonde hair and surfing abilities and I WAS Jeff Spicoli 20 years ago.

5) Purple Rain. I loved it when it came out. Now, it's easy to sit back and say "God...that is some REALLY horrible acting."

Top 5 things people should know about you-

1) I'm quieter than you would think. Except during sex. Then I wail like a wounded buffalo.

2) I developed ADD during college. Up until college I was your model student. Then once I started college I realized that I couldn't concentrate on....oh look....a pretty butterfly! Here butterfly! Here butterfly!

3) I try to win over any waiter or waitress that may be waiting on me with my boyish charm to ensure that they won't be spitting in my food.

4) I truly believe the world would be a better place if everyone just smoked several joints a day.

5) I collected Barbies for several years before I finally realized there's something really wrong about a grown man with no daughters buying Barbies constantly.

Five things on your desk right now -

At home:

1) A can of Diet Dr. Pepper.

2) My fake Bubba teeth.

3) An authentic Captain Kirk action figure.

4) Several CDs, zip discs and camcorder tapes.

5) My glucometer and Avandia

Top five things you say the most -

1) "Holy Moley!"

2) "Maggie, go lay down!"

3) "You'll never believe what I just downloaded!"

4) "I wish Santa would bring me that."

5) "No...I'M your Daddy...that's the television."

Top 5 things you do not understand about your own sex-

1) Their fascination with mechanics and finding out how things work.

2) Their fascination with sleeping outdoors and killing animals for fun.

3) That whole crotch-grabbing in public thing. My crotch has never itched that bad and I've got pubes growing back.

4) Their desire to grow facial hair that makes them look like the devil.

5) How their breath can get so incredibly bad. It's called "Certs" guys. Invest in it.

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