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17:14:09 - 2000-03-27


Oh man.

I feel like Sally Field here..."You like me really like me..."

...Except I'd probably throw a "fuckin" in there somewhere ...

Y'all ... from the bottom of my heart ... thanks for all the support and love given my way. I truly appreciate each and every one of you.

That's one of the few sincere things you'll hear out of me today.


I'm going to apologize ahead of that you know my secret, I'm probably going to be talking quite a bit about it. And if you HAVEN'T READ my secret that I let out this morning ...By God...go there first.

Or...I will tell you right here.

Which do you want?

There or here?

Which is it?

C'mon dammit ... I ain't got all day ...

Alright fine...I'll tell you here...

Uncle Bob's gonna be Daddy Bob come Halloween, if the Good Lord sees fit.

Damn...I'm starting to sound like a hillbilly preacher.

A special shout-out to Spikerz who was the first person to guess that we were pregnant. You go girl, and I'm sorry for not mentioning you earlier today.'m just on cloud nine and have been for days.

Of course, I've got a problem. As we've all witnessed today ... my ass can't keep a secret.

Granted ... I'm much better now than when I used to be. There was a time when if you told me a secret, my ass would be telling complete strangers in the mall ... "Hey, have you heard about Sheila ... that filthy slut is PREGNANT!!"

...Grandmas running away, covering their ears ... it got pretty bad.

Then ... as I got older ... well ...hell ... IN THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS ... I kinda slowed down my gossiping.


Oh God no...don't think that. I'm still the biggest gossip whore around.

I just keep a lot of it to myself now. Or I clarify with the person I hear the news from exactly who I can tell.

A FRIEND: "Hey man ... I screwed my boss's wife."

ME: "Oh, c'mon've gotta let me tell at least five people this one."

So when the wife told me last Wednesday ... she had known for close to two weeks that she was pregnant. She just didn't believe it and wasn't going to tell me until she got a second opinion.

By the way ... for your info ... she informed me she was with child in the following fashion: While I was sitting in my recliner and talking to her, she asked me to shut my eyes and that she had a present for me.

...Somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought she was going to strip naked and lay down on the couch wanting my macho manhood stick.

Nope. She placed a Peter Rabbit diaper bag in my hands.

Of course I thought..."A BABY?!?" But I mean...c'mon...we had been trying for so long to have one with no luck, that we finally gave up. I had just accepted the fact that we were never going to be parents and was cool with it.

But for some reason, I thought the diaper bag meant we would be babysitting a kid.

And yes...of course ... I cried.

Jesus ... I gotta be straight wi' cha ... Uncle Bob has been tearing up at the drop of a hat lately.

I'm an emotional fucking wreck.

And loving every second of it.

Crying and laughing at the same time ... I've done that at least once every day since last Wednesday. It's funny ... it hits me all of a sudden ... I was in the shower this morning and thought of seeing my child grow up and I started tearing up. Then I started laughing at my stupidity, and couldn't stop.

A fucking wreck, I'm 'a tellin' ya ...

Anyway ... I've done good with keeping this secret secret until the first trimester is up.

Except for telling you guys.

Which is cool. I mean...if it doesn't work out and it wasn't meant to be ... I can tell all of you in a group that it didn't work, just like I told you this morning that it did.

And let's face it ... if I lose a baby ... I'm gonna wanna talk about it and get it off my chest ... and I have no better audience than you guys.

Anyway ... you guys know way before many of my real life close friends and family know.

So keep it under your hat.

...At LEAST a little better than I did ...

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