LIFE GETS BORING WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOWER

Y'know...there's not a whole helluva lot to talk about here when you don't leave the house for days on end.

I'm really enjoying my "vacation" at home. Working one day a week kicks mucho assage.

Once again, Andy slept through the night. Susie woke him up to feed him at 1 and 4. He was a trooper ... he got up, ate and then passed right back out.

We had some women from Susie's job bring us dinner last night which was cool. Except Andy decided that he had found the perfect opportunity to pass a little gas.

Hell...A LOT OF GAS...

It was kinda funny (to me anyway) because he musta farted after every sentence uttered. Granted...he had just eaten before they got here and he tends to be a bit gassy after eating. But man alive...that kid was tooting his trombone full force while they were here.

We've got quite a bit of company planned for today. The pastor, his wife and new baby are coming over and bringing lunch. Our friend Kelly and her baby are bringing dinner over.

And then...THE IN-LAWS!

I don't mind the in-laws when I KNOW they're coming. I'll have the Play Station revved up, pillows on the sofa for the tired ones and ice cold Coke waiting at the door for my asshole bro-in-law.

This guy...EVERY SINGLE TIME he's ever come over to our house, no matter what for or how long he's here, he ALWAYS opens up the refrigerator and helps himself to a can of Coke.

I really shouldn't mind it. I shouldn't.

Except the bastard owes me $6,000 and has never once ASKED for a Coke. He just walks to the refrigerator and grabs one without asking.

He's socially retarded and hasn't had a date in 12 years.

And I'm NOT going to sit and rag on him once again in this diary. My God...he's gotten enough exposure here.

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Susie used to be addicted to HGTV...Home and Garden Television. It's like "Lifetime" for macho women.

Often times, I would come home from work or something and the house would be in shambles, wallpaper torn down, holes in the walls, as she would be trying something she had "learned from HGTV".

She still watches the channel religiously ... but now she's really into the Game Show Network.

For those of you who don't have the Game Show Network, it's nothing but game shows 24-7 from the 1970s mostly. Some earlier, some later...but the majority of shows are from the 70s.

So now, she's a master of trivia. But it's all trivia that was relevant in the 1970s.

Yesterday, she walks into the computer room and says proudly "Honey, did you know Fonzie went to Yale?"

...Like I give a shit where Fonzie went to college.

"I didn't know that, hun," I lied. "How interesting."

"And did you know Bonnie Franklin was once a stewardess?"

"No dear, I didn't," I countered, my patience wearing thin. "Where did you learn all of this?"

"From Tic Tac Dough!" she beamed.

Christ. I thought I was the king of useless information. She just stomped my ass into the ground with her trivial savvy.

I almost wish she'd go back to re-routing our electrical system in the kitchen.

The key word is "almost".

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Baby's crying. Gotta go.

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QUESTION OF THE WEEKEND

Would you give up your five most treasured material possessions to have five years tacked on to the end of your life?