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22:23:55 - 2000-03-03
Ahhhh....no tornados. ...Although...I did see my fifth grade math teacher, Mrs. Hickenbottom, flying through the air on her bicycle with my dog in her bike basket, cackling like a mad bitch. When I was 15, we lived in Greece, and I couldn't speak the language that well. I could say "What are you looking at, masturbator??" in Greek. Also, "How much for your pussy?" Those are the only two greek phrases I remember. We would yell both out the school bus window at old ladies on the street who were waiting on a bus. "POSO CANNA POOOOSIIIIII???" Heh. GOD, those old women hated that ...Apparently, those were the two WORST things you could say to a authentic Greek person. Those bastards would get a little scary. I'm sure the bus driver was really impressed. Probably went home cursing us American kids every night. Yeah ... I was a real ambassador at 15. We used to LOVE to go into Greek shops (me and my friends) and say stuff like "I bet your asshole reeks, am I correct??" to the clerks in a real polite tone. And they would just kiss our ass, thinking we were being the sweetest little cherubs. Number Ten: "Excuse me, but do you have an rotting condom falling out your ass? Because it sure smells like it in here." Number Nine: "I bet your nipples are the size of pancakes." Number Eight: "Would you mind giving me a healthy ass massage?" Number Seven: "I'd like a souvlaki and you can suck me, okay??" Number Six: "The name's Diggler. Dirk Diggler." Number Five: "Please don't plug my ass, I'm a young anal virgin." Number Four: "You smell like a bloated raccoon's anus." Number Three: "You have your mother's mustache." Number Two: "I bet your bush crawls all the way to your belly button." ...And the Number One Phrase To Say To A Sales Clerk in Greece Who Can't Speak Any English ... Number One: "May I please shoot my pecker snot all over your tonsils?"
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If you loved me, you'd leave me A MESSAGE .
If you want to read my diary from 1980 when UNCLE BOB was 18 and pitiful , CLICK HERE
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