PLEASE...CALL ME UNCLE "HOLLYWOOD"

Well...guess what, drooling sports fans???

I GOT A CALLBACK!!!

WHOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!

(Bob does his spastic "I Got a Callback" dance in the privacy of his own home. The "I Got A Callback" dance is similar to the Macarena but has elements of the Cabbage Patch thrown in to make it its own unique dance).

If you didn't read yesterday's entry, or if you did but are too damned self centered to remember what it was about...I tried out for a role in a film that will be a reenactment of the Montgomery Bus Boycott that Rosa Parks started that led to the Civil Rights Movement.

I'm hoping to play "Racist #4".

"Get to the back of the bus NOW, Negro!!"

(Scowl)

Actually...there are no speaking parts. Well...there's two. I think the bus driver and Rosa both have speaking parts. The rest is overdubbed by a narrator.

AND...this callback is not GUARANTEEING that I have a part in the film. It's just a second chance for me to get in front of the camera and do a better job than I did on Thursday, when I stood there, grinning like an idiot and dancing around, rather than looking like a hate-filled bus-riding racist.

Something tells me the camera broke the other day when I looked at it.

Heeeeee!!!

And ya know...IF I get the part ... I get paid a whopping SIXTY DOLLARS!!!

FUCK REGIS PHILBIN!!! I'VE GOT SIXTY DOLLARSSSSS!!!!

(Bob tosses 60 $1 bills up in the air and lets them shower down upon him like a millionaire would if that millionaire had no class)

OF COURSE, I will let y'all know if I make it to the big dance. Then...whenever you make it to Washington D.C. and the Civil Rights Museum, you can watch the video that they show of Rosa sitting in the front of the bus, and when they pan the camera over the passengers and you see one guy grinning and waving at the camera like a four-year-old, you'll say "I KNOW THAT GUY!! THAT'S UNCLE BOB!!!!"

And everyone will want to touch you because you know the idiot in the video.

I'm willing to bet that life doesn't get any better than this.

Had kinda a boring day yesterday.

Only worked half a day, because at noon I had put 40 hours in.

Came home and slept off the pain pills.

Got up, went to the grocery store and then church to pick up a smoked Boston Butt roast that the church did to raise money. They do it every labor day. These roasts are SOOOOO greasy. They're not that good, but if you don't buy one, they stone you on Sunday.

...Not GET you stoned....STONE you.

...This is one tough church, babe.

Came home and finally watched this Radiohead DVD "Meeting People Is Easy".

God it sucks.

I love Radiohead. But there's so much background noise throughout the DVD, that you can't hear anything the guys are saying. My favorite songs only have snippets of them included. I was under the impression that this was going to either be a concert film or a collection of their videos. It's just a documentary on their tour with a SHITLOAD of background noise.

Thumbs down, babe. WAY down.

Once again, I must APOLOGIZE PROFUSELY for all these emails that I haven't answered in the last 10 days. Every day, there's more of them.

I WANT to answer them, I really do. But typing with one hand is incredibly frustrating and by the time I get done with this diary and the stuff I have to do for work, my left wrist is killing me.

Many of the emails have just been y'all asking to be included in the Army. I've added you but never sent a letter of congratulations like all the others received.

I'm sorry. I'm a horrible person and I need to be decapitated.

I actually got eight hours of sleep last night, which is the first time that has happened in months.

I had one dream that there were super-strong pitbulls all around me trying to bite me. Some would latch onto my arms with their fangs and I'd be dancing around, swinging my arms to get them off of me.

It was pretty terrifying.

I must have had my bad arm twisted under me or something while I slept.

Y'know...I had NO IDEA so many of you who read this crap-ass diary were minor celebrities like myself.

I mean...Saturn commercials...radio stars....people driving past breaking news sites...Jenny Jones talent contest winners...school plays....

And...of course...creamed corn fanatics...

YOU PEOPLE RAWK!!

Congratulations!!

Can you tell I have nothing else to write today!!!

Do you think my wrist is killing me by now???

Will you please let me go rest now????!?!

Bye?????

*********************************

QUESTION OF THE WEEKEND

Describe the first five minutes of your day