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5:47 a.m. - 2001-09-11


Don't mean to sound like a broken record here, but I'm sooooo tired...

Andy woke us up at 2:30 a.m. I rolled over and reminded Susie it was her turn to go console him. We gave him ten minutes to calm down...he didn't. So she went in there to pat his butt.

At 3:30 a.m., she still hadn't come back to bed. So I got up and peeked in his room. She had pulled a chair next to his crib, had her arm stuck between the bars of his crib and was almost slumped over. I couldn't tell if she was awake or asleep.

Andy was wide awake. Sitting there chewing on a book and staring at Mom.

"Hon," I said. "You're only supposed to pat his butt for five've been in here for almost an hour."

I really don't understand why the next part happened. But she shot out of that chair and stormed past me. She stormed into the bedroom, and got into bed looking ultra-pissed.

I stood there for a second, eyes locked with Andy's.

"You," I said. "You go to sleep."

He laid down quietly.

I went to bed, not sure if Susie was mad at me or if she had been asleep and was disoriented. I just knew I didn't want to mess with her.

Five minutes later, Andy started crying.

So I let him cry for 15 minutes and then went in there.

He was NOT happy to see me. He knew I'd come in, hand out a couple of butt pats and then go back to bed. I wouldn't be like Mama and sit in there with him all night.

So I laid him down, turned on Mommy Bear and patted his butt until his crying fit stopped for about ten minutes.

I could tell he peed in his diaper. But I didn't want to change him because he was wearing a sleeper and getting him out of that is hard enough, but to change a diaper on him when he's wanting to get up...that just automatically tacks 30 more minutes of crying onto his little boo-hoo fest.

Plus, he had an overnight diaper on which is supposed to absorb that pee.

But you're stuck at this point. I've read "Change his diaper if you smell pee. Leaving a baby in a wet diaper is uncomfortable and can cause a rash". But I've also read "An overnight diaper can absorb the equivalent of an elephant's bladder."

So I left it on him. Went to bed at 3:55 with his crying ringing in my ears.

He fell asleep about 4:15 and I fell back asleep about 4:30 and caught one more hour of sleep.

I'm sure this whole "parenthood" crap will pay off in the long run. But right now, I'm having to live with two hour interuptions in my nightly sleep.

This sucks.

No...wait a second...getting up for two hours an evening doesn't suck at all. Here's what sucks...

There's a good chance that we may receive the week between Christmas and New Year's off at work. That's been standard policy over the last several years, but the new men in charge want to change that. Being New Boy and all, I don't know if we'll get it or not.

If we get it...great...right???


We received the call last night...the knee-humping nephews from Texas will be here the day after Christmas.

"Will they be staying in a hotel?"


"Will they be staying with Susie's brother?"

Ha ha ha! Good one! No.

"Well...they MUST be staying with Susie's mother"

"Well they CAN'T stay with you, Uncle Bob. You've got a baby who goes to bed early. The knee humpers like to stay up until 3 a.m. and watch movies and play Play Station and fight really loudly and then sleep until noon the next day and everyone has to be quiet until noon and let them sleep peacefully in the den because THEY'RE ON VACAAAAATION and yeah...chances are good that you'll be on vacation too and there's just no way that you should have to spend your vacation holed up in your bedroom until noon each day and then have to get up and put up with four teenage boys screaming and yelling until 3 a.m. That's hardly a vacation...right?"

I know. That was my exact argument after the phone was hung up.

But's a little tidbit I've probably never shared with you....MY IN-LAWS HAVE NO CONSIDERATION FOR ANYONE OTHER THAN THEMSELVES!!!!!

I swear to GOD if I have a week off at Christmas time and I'm stuck with my baby, four teenagers, my sister and brother in law, and all of my in-town in-laws at my house while Susie slips off to work every day THERE WILL BE BLOODSHED.

It may not happen Monday. It could slide by on Tuesday. But by Wednesday, Thursday AT THE LATEST ... you'll see my face on CNN with the words "Serial killer" underneath my confused looking photo.

I told Susie "no". I'm sorry that we have the cleanest home out of her entire family and we have the only house where there might be enough room for a family of six to sleep for eight days...NO. We have three bedrooms, two small baths and no patience for an entire family of teens.

These boys...they don't shower. When I was 13, I showered at least once a day, most of the time twice a day. Call me prissy, but I've got a thing for clean skin. Especially when it's my own.

These boys get up at noon, some days they brush their teeth, most days they don't. They eat a bowl of cereal and then plop down in front of the TV for the rest of the day.

And Heaven forbid you may want to watch something other than what THEY want to watch. Because they have a battlecry.


Apparently, when this family gets a vacation, they drive the 14 hours to our house, take their shoes off and commence picking their noses and flicking the boogers on our carpet.

Yes...I've caught one of them doing that in the past. It took every ounce of willpower I had to refrain from popping him in the snot box. I threw a box of Kleenex into his lap and he just laughed at me.

So right now, I don't care if I get that week off at Christmas time or not.

Other than the fact that I'll be home to monitor my stuff so that when they start breaking my stereo/computer/DVD player/television/VCR, I'll know which one to hate even more.



Be glad you're not me.

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