YOU...YOU...YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE

I was surfing through Diaryland at work yesterday when I started noticing a growing trend.

A number of diaries that USED to link me, no longer link me.

It's as if they're saying "Bah, Uncle Bob. Bah."

Actually...it's as if they're saying MORE than that. It's as if they're saying "We no longer like you, Uncle Bob. You suck donkey dick and ...and...and...well...you just suck donkey dick."

It makes me sit here and wonder what did I do to be stricken from their links list.

Hmmmmmm???

I mean...you have to physically remove my link from your little links, so it's not like it was an accident or something.

So what's up, people??

Why don't you link me anymore??

Hmmmmmm???

The sucky part was ... they were all people that I considered "friends". We had exchanged emails and thoughts.

Now...guess what??

We are no longer friends.

Of course...YOU'RE the one who started that shee-it. YOU'RE the one who took me off your Christmas Card list.

I know I shouldn't be hurt by this. It's not that I needed the hits.

But I did cherish the friendships.

Ah well.

Diaryland is a cruel, cruel place.

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The first official day with the in-laws went okay.

I got up, wrote this, and went to work before they could get up.

About 1 p.m. I came home for about 10 minutes to make sure they weren't having paganistic rituals in my den.

They weren't.

I went back to work, came home about 3:30 and went and napped, because it meant I wouldn't have to sit in their presence.

I napped until 6 p.m.

Got up, acted all groggy and shit and waited for them to pack up and go to church for Advent services and leave me alone.

Uh-uh.

"Ha ha ha!!!," Grandpa said. "We've talked so much, we can't possibly get to church on time by now."

Wrong, Gramps. You drove 85 mph here...you can drive that to church too.

I gave Susie a look of desperation that said "You KNOW I have to watch "Ed" tonight and send a recap to Mighty Big TV ... right??"

Susie nodded and said "I'll get them all out of the house."

...See....I need total silence when I write. I know how some people need loud rock and roll when they write. I need the sound of the keys flapping wildly in the wind that my fingers create as I type with precision and finesse, and that's it.

At 6:55 ... five minutes before the show came on ... they left.

I exhale.

....And "Ed" has been pre-empted because Al Gore has finally decided that he's engaged America in enough horse play and is ready to concede.

Soooo...the family's out of the house.

There's no "Ed".

It was kinda like a real life "Get Out of Jail" card.

Granted, they were only gone for an hour. They went up to Steak and Shake, irritated the waitress up there for an hour and then came home.

They were all sad and shit when they found out "Ed" had been postponed.

"You could have went with us!" said Stepmother-in-law.

"Yeah," I said with a fake look of despair on my face. "Damn my luck, huh?"

So then we sat and watched Gore look like he wanted to break into sobs and scream "FUCK YOU AMERICA!!" into the camera and G.W. look smugly into the camera and say "Thank you to those 37 Floridians that liked me."

....Or however many votes he won by. I'm too busy to keep up with that shit.

OH!!

Here's a prime example of me biting my acerbic tongue.

My worthless piece of shit brother-in-law was over here last night, boring the crap out of everyone with his jokes and stories. He and his worthless piece of shit Dad were on the sofa trading stories. Brother in law is telling a story about when he was in the military and stationed in Europe, he and his buddies went to a Greek island for a weekend.

"On the taxpayer's money?" Dad-in-law asks.

"Yeah," Brother-in-law says.

Dad-in-law looks at me. "So Uncle Bob here paid for your vacation."

I just grinned.

Because in my head, the phrase "I'm paying for his college ... why shouldn't I pay for his vacations too?" kept going through my head.

....The shiftless piece of fuck ...

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I actually had a sex dream last night and I don't know why.

I dreamt I was on a business trip out of town and had just checked into a hotel.

Anyway, this girl that I used to work with briefly ten years ago was "the girl".

I haven't seen this girl in years. Recently, Mattie Gee told me that she's working at the place that he's been working at part time.

Ten years ago, she was a hottie. Always wearing tight t-shirts and Daisy Dukes. She and I would always say that someday we were going to have SEX as soon as we could ditch our mates.

It became a running joke. We never DID have sex ... but I sure ummmm....would have if circumstances were different.

...i.e. ... wasn't married ...

Anyway ... so in my dream last night, she came to my hotel room and we were just kinda talking and she's like "You wanna have sex?"

And naturally ... the fear of cheating on my wife coupled with the fear of AIDS made me say "no" in my dream.

Wasn't good enough for her. She jumped my bones like a woman possessed and started humping away.

Then there was a knock at the door and it was my potential NEW boss, wanting to give me an old, beat-up baby stroller.

So...the sex in the sex dream only lasted a few seconds.

Bummer.

I really wanted to nocturnally nail that woman.

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My boy Andy fucking rocks.

He went to bed at 10 last night.

It's 6 a.m. now.

And he's STILL asleep.

You go boy.

I love the shit outta you.

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