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3:41 a.m. - 2002-12-07

NO MORE HELEN KELLER JOKES FROM ME

As some of you know (those who were smart enough to sign up on my Notify List ... the rest of you are cross-eyed idiots), Andrew had the tubes inserted into his ears this morning.

It was pretty non-eventful as far as six hour hospital stays go. There was one old lady in the waiting room who kept asking me to help her with today's crossword puzzle. Scratch that ... she never asked me to help her. She just kept saying "What's a five-letter word for playful mammal?"

...Christ...I dunno. Doggy??

She didn't get the hint that I didn't want to help her one f'n bit either. She must have asked me every single damned thing in that crossword puzzle. I even knew Zeus' wife (Hera), but I refused to tell her.

When will old people just learn that I'm not hear to amuse them?

She did have one good line though which cracked me up. She said she suffered from "Sometimer's Disease".

You know...like "Alzheimer's"??

Except it's "SOME timers".

I'll give Granny props on that one. I snickered.

Anyway...after several hours of sitting on our hands, trying desperately to work our thumbs up our asses, Andrew came out of surgery bawling like a baby.

He wasn't in pain...he was disoriented, he was scared and he wanted his Mommy and Daddy.

The doctor came in and said they did some brain wave tests on him while he was asleep and that his hearing is now perfect.

We hugged him for an eternity and were finally allowed to come home.

As soon as he got in the van, the crying stopped.

As soon as he got home, the laughing began.

And already, he's dancing, playing, acting silly...all the stuff that tells me he's feeling no pain.

I love my boy.

I'm still a ruthless, evil, insensitive bastard on the internet.

But I looooooove my son.

Y'all have a good weekend.

I'm going to now attempt to restore my hard drive to its original factory condition.

God help us all.

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