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5:23 a.m. - 2003-03-24

NO MORE AMMO FOR IDIOTS

You may not love what he's got to say, but you've GOT to love the balls thatMichael Moore has for saying it.

Soooo...ya think his phone's going to be tapped for the next two years or so?


I've decided to try and cut back what I write on the war here.

No matter what I write, I'm merely giving ammunition to idiots to slam me and either say I'm anti-American or anti-military or anti-Disney or anti-Flo or anti-panty quan ran a santy (I just made that up, hyuk hyuk).

If you want to protest the war or praise the war, do it in your own journal.

This journal (sigh...here we go again) is mine and is here for my thoughts, and my hopes and my wishes and my dreams and my recipes and my records for my television viewing habits and my timeline for my son's activities.

For me to use this valuable bandwidth in order to expound on my opinions on the war...why...that's just preposterous.

ESPECIALLY when these thoughts I may have don't necessarily gel with other people's opinions.

Heaven forbid that I entertain theories that may not heed to the popular opinion.

Next thing you know, my government will break into my house, throw a canvas bag over my head, whisk me to an airport and send me somewhere where opinions like mine are allowed and encouraged.

You know.

Somewhere like...ohhh...America.


So then...my weekend.

Hmmmmm...did a lot of yard work for the first time this year.

I can tell already that mowing my yard with a push mower is NOT going to be any fun come July.

The two trees in my yard are still saplings and not providing a whole helluva lot of shade while I push the mower up and down the backyard hill.

Well...if you're an insect, you're getting all the shade you need from them.

But seriously ... how many readers of mine are insects?

And if you are an insect...what the hell are you doing reading this? Go out and buzz around some dog shit or something.

Damned insects! Scoot! SCAT!!

So anyway...I sure would like a riding lawn mower.

Luckily, my wife's new job finds her working in an office for a place that is the opposite of "Highs".

(Get it?)

And she gets a discount there.

And they sell riding lawn mowers there.

Which means...say it with me here kids...Daddy's getting a riding lawn mower soon!

Well crap...I may as well show you what I'm talking about. I'm gonna run outside real quick at 5:30 a.m. and take a picture, just so you know what I'm trying to discuss here.

Damn! It's cold outside!

Granted, the photo doesn't do it justice because the photo isn't actual size. If it were, scientists say that it would take almost 5,000 computer monitors to show you the whole thing!

Pretty incredible, huh?

Would YOU want to mow that every weekend?

And that's just the back yard, kiddies.

It took me two hours to mow the whole thing on Saturday.

A riding lawn mower could finish the job in an hour and 55 minutes.

AND it provides me with nice vibrations in the booty area the entire time as well.

(I hear chicks dig riding lawn mowers for all the right reasons.)

So yeah...I get the feeling I'll be begging for a riding lawn mower here in about ....oh....16 minutes or so when I go wake the wife up.


Watched "My Big Fat Greek Attempt At Making A Chick Flick And Failing Miserably" this weekend.

As you might have guessed, I wasn't that impressed.

It had its moments. But it was pretty predictable.

Hell...the damned title gave it away.

You're going to get married. Your family's Greek. You're big and fat. We get it.

When the guy proposes to her...is that really some sort of big shock?

I proposed to my wife twice.

Once after an amazingly drunken orgasm.

Then the next night in the bar that we worked in.

I know, I know ...how romantic.

I've decided to call it "My Big Fat Drunken Wedding Proposal".

I think I'm going to start referring to everything as "My Big Fat Greek...."

Meet somebody at a party?

"Hi, I'm Uncle Bob and this is my Big Fat Greek Wife".

HEEEEE!!!

I suggest everyone try it.


Andrew's daycare provider is taking the week off to take care of some personal business out of town.

I think she's a coke dealer or something. I dunno.

Anyway, my mother-in-law is coming to the house to watch him all week.

She's even going to be spending several nights here rather than driving the 45 minutes home.

And my nephews are going to be staying here for several of those days as well since it's Spring Break here this week.

It's going to be so nice having my nephews and mother-in-law in my home while I'm gone all week.

It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Then again ... that might be from the six shots of tequila I just downed.

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