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4:37 a.m. - 2003-05-09

WHICH X-MAN GUY ARE YOU?

Because I am always the last one to capitalize on something popular, I have decided to come up with a personality quiz that will determine which one of the X-Men guys are you.

Before we start, I must confess … I haven't seen this new "X-Men" movie. I didn't see the original either. Nor did I know that this was all based on a comic book series.

But I've seen the commercials for the films enough times to where I've been able to commit them to memory and that gives me enough ammo to go ahead and develop this quiz.

Without further ado, read each of the three questions, decide on an answer and write the letter to the answer that best fits your answer on a piece of paper. Scoring will follow.


1)What's your least favorite color?

A)Piss yellow

B)Mauve

C)Dark gray

D)Diarrhea Green

2)What's your least favorite fake TV show?

A) "Help I'm A Certified Public Accountant, Get Me Out Of Here!"

B) "Inside Whoopi Goldberg's Rectum"

C) "Nazi Germany Idol"

D) "Who Wants Their Nipples Severely Burned?"

3)Where's your least favorite place to make love?

A)In a burning building.

B)In a wading pool full of razor blades

C)In Carrot Top's bedroom.

D) Milwaukee

Scoring: Give yourself 10 points for every A answer. 8 points for every B answer. 6 points for every C answer and 4 points for every D answer.

12-16 points: You are Haley Berrey. You're pretty foxy, but your eyes turn all yellow sometimes and that's kind of a turn-off for most men. You used to be married to Mike Tyson and you get drunk a lot and crash your car. But guys find you hot and don't mind when your face is all bloody from slamming against the steering wheel like an overzealous mosher.

16-21 points: You are that guy from Star Trek. You're not William Shatner, but you're that other guy. You look like sometimes you have really bad diarrhea and that screws up your entire day. Chicks dig you because you're bald and you try to act British a lot.

22-25 points: You're the Nightstalker. You used to be a guy who lived in the sewers of New York like Mickey Rourke, but now you're all blue and your teeth are really yellow and you don't smile much because you're embarrassed of your teeth. Which is understandable. Because they're really yellow.

26-27 points: You are Scary Fire Guy. You solve a lot of your problems by burning shit up. It makes you feel better about yourself. Every now and then, you burn shit up to save your friends and they're all like "Thanks, Scary Fire Guy!" but secretly they're scared shitless of you and kiss your ass because they know you can set them on fire. Can you blame 'em?

28-29 points: You are Magnet Man. You aren't really all that special. I mean … sure…you can stick your index finger out and ball point pens float across the room and land on your finger. You know…big whoop, right? Magnet Man. Whooo-hooo. You're never going to amount to much more than this, so live it up there, Magnet Man.

30 points: You're the Werewolf! HOWWWWL!!! Woof! Grrrrrr!! Man, you're one scary dude with real cool sideburns that all the nerdy kids will be sporting this summer because they're going to want to be werewolves too! AROOOOOOO!!! You've got steel claws and you scare cats with them! What a werewolfey thing to do, eh? You're so hairy and that's scary! HA! A rhyming werewolf guy! Gooooo Werewolf!

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